To subtly draw a line in the sand regarding holiday child care

[voluptuagoodshag]

Gosh I feel rubbish even writing that but I don't want to be taken advantage of and don't want to feel obliged to offer all the time.
Basically I am a SAHM. This is the choice I made to suit our family best. Part of the reason is because I didn't want to have to try to find child care during school holidays and in-service days or farm my kids out to friends and family.
So, when holidays loom, some friends/other parents who work PT/FT start to drop hints about childcare. Some are very subtle (or perhaps I am just paranoid), some less so.
I do offer to have some kids sometimes and I know that my kids are welcome in return for plays but I don't want it to be something that's seen as a given iykwim. I invite kids round to play all the time but I can't help feel there is a difference between being invited for a play and providing childcare.
I'm happy to watch kids in emergencies and would like to think that I can ask the same.
I like the freedom to be able to take kids wherever on holidays and have nice days out without changing the dynamics of my family unit. Yeah, sometimes I take other kids along but I want it to be when it suits me.
It might sound horribly selfish and I don't mind the odd day but when there are several families all dropping hints at the same time, I could find myself minding other people's kids for free every single day of the holidays.

YANBU at all.

In no way shape or form are you BU

God how annoying. You need to start saying " no, not possible, not sure what our plans are that day".
They are taking advantage so don't feel guilty.

YANBU.

Let other people drop hints. You don't have to respond.

I feel your pain. I have a term time only job and I get the same feeling and have exactly the same thoughts as you do. I actively avoid certain people in the week or two before the holidays. Like you I'm happy to help in emergencies and happy to have dc's friends over on my own terms. I watch this thread with interest!

I've considered telling people that I'm in the process of becoming ofsted registered so that I can charge, but that's only inside my own head, I don't think I'd be able to actually say that out loud (unless I actually was in the process obviously!)

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Why are otherwise reasonable women so horrified at the idea of appearing 'selfish'? Women should be more selfish.

You're a SAHM, not some kind of public service.

Of course YANBU and it is downright cheeky of anyone to expect this of you just because you are at home.

I worked and in the holidays we had various arrangements, but the only times those arrangements involved another (non-related) parent was a family in the same position as us (both working) whose DD was a best friend of our DD so we could offer to reciprocate in kind.

N U at all. What a cheek! I'm a SAHM now and teacher in work life, no way am I looking after other people's kids beyond a play day just because I'll always be available in holiday time. Get yourself 'booked up' with planned activities.(!)

YANBU and I don't think you should be Subtle about it.

Do NOT respond to hints. Only respond to a direct request and then with " sorry I can't"

and I am a WOH mum and I would never ask or expect a SAHP to look after my kids.

I help other parents out during the holidays and they help me. Days here or there. Works really well and I'm happy the parents feel they can ask me for help. I also know that I can call on them.

However, there was one mum (a neighbour) who took the piss. When I was off, DS would go ask her son to play. She would then pop round and say she was going into work and would pop in for him at 5pm! Not even asking!

YANBU! Make it firm and don't back down.

YANBU be deaf to all hints !

YANBU at all! I know someone who took on work whilst her DS was still young and when someone asked what her plans were for holiday care, replied "well friends and family are all just going to have to pitch in arent they!" - erm......nope.

Just ignore!

I am currently a SAHM and I'm obviously so deaf to hints I've never heard any. If someone was in a bind (like a previous plan had fallen through), of course I'd help out And I'd happily invite a friend round to play who DD1 wanted to see (the others are too small to have those types of friends really). I wouldn't be a free holiday club.

YANBU. I work full time and would never expect any of my sahm friends and family to look after my dcs in the holidays!

YANBU. I've written this before, but as a lone parent working FT with absolutely no respite (waste of space P fucked off when I was pregnant and has never seen DD), whenever I had time off work family and friends seemed to assume I would love to ferry them to the supermarket in the afternoon, mind their children, have nieces/nephews for sleepovers (not that they ever reciprocated). The assumption was that as I wasn't in a relationship, people could come on hols with me and DD, dump their kids on me - and these were couples so there were 2 people to look after their families!

So I moaned (not very subtly!) to one set of people about the cheek of the other set assuming my time was theirs (and did the same to the other set). I also stopped letting people know when I had days off coming up, and instead if there were friends/family I wanted to see while I was off, I arranged meet ups to suit me, not them. They all took the hint eventually! (d)sis still isn't the best though so I have to make sure she doesn't catch me if I'm not paying attention

YANBU at all - only do it for friends who do an almost like for like swap. I work almost full time and wouldn't dream of asking a SAHM to fill in for childcare. I'll take days off in the summer though and have another child all day quite happily when it suits and expect the other family to reciprocate at some point...

YANU.

I'm a childminder and one of my neighbours is most put out that I don't have her child over to play regularly in the holidays. She now doesn't speak to me after I said I'd be happy to have the child on a regular basis, she just has to pay me my hourly rate and book in in the same way others do.

Good lord yanbu. I work and wouldn't dream of asking or expecting SAHM friends to look after my dc. The most I would do is invite their child for a playdate and hope it would be reciprocated!

Ignore hints. The cheek of some people.

YANBU I have been SAHP, Part time and full time employed. I offer when it suits and exchange with other when to mutual advantage!!!

YANBU at all. The nerve of some people!

There must surely be some of these cheeky feckers on MN , I guess they are all just staying away from this thread!

YANBU
when kids were small I never counted on others to provide full time care for my kids (we both parents worked FT)
there were fewer options of holiday clubs few years ago and we paid for them because that is what you do