AIBU to be really annoyed at DH's ex?

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Bit of background, ex and DH were uni sweethearts but broke up after 6 years about 15 years ago. Weirdly she has stayed friendly with DH's family, to the point where she goes for coffee with MIL every week and they go shopping together. She now has a 3yo DD who has got friendly with my 4 yo DD (through MIL who looks after her once a week).

Yesterday I picked DD up from MIL's where the ubiquitous ex was firmly ensconced. I was in a hurry as we had to get back to pick up DS from nursery. Ex had apparently brought along a pair of boots that were too small for her DD, and my DD was trying them on. Ex and MIL said that DD could have the boots as she liked them. I was busy trying to get her dressed and ready so we could go and get DS, so possibly wasn't as grateful as I clearly should have been.

Last night, DH gets a message from Ex saying that as I hadn't said anything about the boots or thanked her, I presumably didn't want them so could she have them back.

AIBU to be pissed off that a) she went to DH and not me, and b) that she's being so ridiculously petty.

I think you need to start having a few lovely PA comments for whenever she is at your MIL.

Firstly some evil planning - a few throwaway comments/joke about an ex of yours with your DH whilst he is very distracted (football/rugby on/up to his neck in DIY/Cooking - that kind of thing). This will set you up for a truthful:

"Oh god Dh and were talking about exes the other day... DH and I did laugh at the stupid relationship decisions you make when you are young"

not really but it would make me feel good

Ha brilliant, I am tempted by random pa comments? I'll have to work on that. I'll be seeing PILs tomorrow so will give the boots to them. Wonder what comments there will be...

I don't know why there is a random question mark there

Bit weird.

Perhaps when you see her again you can say to her "Sorry you felt overlooked in the rush, I thought I'd said thanks but it was all a bit hectic. Anyway, they were a bit too tight and at least you've got them back now. By the way, you seem to have got our mobile numbers mixed up, you sent the message to the wrong one."

Leave her to make of that what she will and then make a big deal of thanking her or saying hello or goodbye or whatever every time you see her.

Nice and loud, with a pointed look so everyone can see you acknowledging her existence, gushing thanks should they ever been needed again.

"Oh, Ex-girlfriend, thank you so much for the cup of tea, it's lovely, well done, thank you!" or "Hi ex-girlfriend, thank you for the sweets you gave to DD, they're her favourite, how did you know, so thoughtful, thank you so much!"

And if MIL asks what you're up to, just say you know how sensitive she is and how she broods on things that nobody else worries about "and that's why DH always says she was hard work when they were together, she used to do his head in and I don't want her bothering him again while he's so busy etc, when it's easier just to make a fuss of her and make her feel better, poor thing."

YANBU. You didn't ask her for the boots but you thanked her anyway.
It seems that wasn't grovelly enough for her so she texts your DH - maybe she wants him to thank her as well?
If your dd really wants to keep the boots I would suggest she sends her a THANKYOU for the boots card or something.
And if that's not enough for her, then fuck her.

And if MIL asks what you're up to, just say you know how sensitive she is and how she broods on things that nobody else worries about "and that's why DH always says she was hard work when they were together, she used to do his head in and I don't want her bothering him again while he's so busy etc, when it's easier just to make a fuss of her and make her feel better, poor thing."

Best.idea.ever!

I will admit to still being friends with my ex's sister - although lives too far away to see very much.

Due to this my ex has congratulated me on my engagement and birth of baby.

I probably talk to her more often than my official SIL who I can't see if she became an exSIL I would ever contact again!

Why does she even have your DHs number? YAreallyreallyNBU