to be annoyed that a 11-year old that is over to play is not allowed outside without an adult?

[goldenteapot]

AIBU?! My children usually play out on the street after school (rural area, no cars) but this child's mother has says she is never allowed out on her own because she is too young.

AIBU? I'm working so I can't take them outside all afternoon! I've told them they will have to watch tv.

I would be more judging op for buying a house with no garden, so all neighbours have kids noise instead.
I agree its possibly a class divide.
I like in a cul-de-sac and the only kids playing out are the one family whose boys kick their ball against our boundary wall. Whilst standing in the middle of the road on a corner.
I never played in the street unsupervised and i managed to survive at uni/work etc.
I think parents like to shove them out to make noise elsewhere.
Though i do agree if the kid will be getting a bus to school it may be a bit silly to be too restrictive.

We never played "out" as people are describing it as kids, as there weren't other families around and we just didn't live on that sort of road. But we spent all day in the garden/playing in the house, had friends round, and the TV wasn't allowed on until the evening. I totally disagree that you can't do imaginative play in the house - we definitely did as kids. For me, I don't see why being in the house means they will be watching TV or on the iPads, there's so much more they could be doing playing indoors, time to ban screen time during the day.

Absolutely I like to shove them out to make a noise elsewhere, and so do most of my neighbours. There are about a dozen primary school aged kids who play out on our little estate. They have bikes, scooters and roller skates; the craze at the moment is skateboards and ramps.

My son is becoming fast friends with a little boy his age who goes to another school; a real little daredevil. At school my boy is a bit of a boff, a very high achiever. In our street he is being taught to skateboard by this wild, extremely unbookish little lad, who would never be in his circle of friends in school. They are both learning from each other, it's lovely.

There is only one little boy in our street who is not allowed to play out. My DH suggested it to his Mum when they passed on the school run, and she looked at him like he was crazy. He actually watches the other kids through the window, like a sad little cliche. I know everyone makes their own parenting choices, but it is a shame.

I lives very rurally between the ages of 8 and 23. Literally in the middle of Salisbury plain, a tiny village with about 40 houses and a pub. We played out from that age by ourselves. We had to be home when our dad whistled for us or when the street lights came of - whichever happened first.

A few miseries always pop up on these threads who can't stand the sound of kids playing and think children should be seen and not heard by anyone but their parents :o

judging the OP for not buying a house with a garden is ridiculous on so many levels :o

I would be more judging op for buying a house with no garden, so all neighbours have kids noise instead.

When you were a child, did you know you would grow up to be one of those cranks?

Guess what? "Kid noise" is just the normal noise of small humans doing what they are meant to do, which is play and learn through playing.

Nobody is under any obligation to keep their children imprisoned indoors so that intolerant sound-hating weirdos can pretend they are the only human on the planet.

Is the attraction of gardens that the children can't play together in big groups?

Because garden "kid noise" also travels.

The idea of confining two 11 year olds to the garden is hilarious.

"No, you may not go out in public like a normal person."

I am completely OCD about my DC's safety and they have never played out unsupervised. They are happy and well-adjusted. My eldest is at university and in a band, with loads of friends and an active social life. He is no different from our friends' DC, many of whom could come and go freely with no restrictions.

I resent being called an 'idiot'.

TinkleyLittleLaugh, that is really sad. Can't the mum take a chair outside and watch him? That's what I do. Maybe you could suggest it?

You say yourself you are OCD. Surely the sensible thing is to face your fears rationally rather than give in to paranoia and stifle your children's childhood.

There comes a stage when children need time away from adult supervision. And 'away' doesn't mean in the next room, or in the back garden.

Playing outside is a completely normal part of childhood across the globe. Nothing to do with being British; nothing to do with class.
Sure, if you live in a dangerous city you need to make accommodations, but the OP is talking about a quiet rural area.
Child abductions and murders by strangers are vanishingly rare. The numbers have not changed over the past fifty years. We just know more about them now. Children are far more at risk from family members and those they know.
In the countryside it seems absurd to insist on children being inside in this weather.
My 8 year old has free roam, as long as he tells me roughly where he's going. He gets bored at weekends (older brother with AS who doesn't always want to play) and I'm happy to let him call on his friends in the village. The key point being it is a village!

Marie She completely blanked my DH and hurried off like he was an axe murderer, despite seeing him walk the same school run as her every day. She has never acknowledged me. Presumably she has a few issues, but they are actually moving house soon anyway, (probably to get away from all these nasty rough playing out children).

I think "idiot" is a fairly mild word for someone who controls their children to the extent of never allowing them any space away from adults as they grow up.

I am completely OCD about my DC's safety and they have never played out unsupervised. They are happy and well-adjusted. My eldest is at university and in a band, with loads of friends and an active social life

No one is saying that not playing out completely destroys a child. I should think such children can live quite happy lives, however, they will have missed out on an important part of development quite unnecessarily due to their parents 'problem'
Surely it is a parents duty, as well as keeping a child safe, to sort out their own OCD problems and not let it affect their child?

There are parents who overfeed their children until they are obese, out of 'Love' because the parent cannot say No, or because they think it makes the child happy to eat more than they need,..Is that OK too?

When do we stop sympathising with the actions of a parent with 'problems' ?
Its just a shame that kids pay the price for all this.

OCD is a disabling mental health condition. It's a bit shit to compare it to people who overfeed out of love and what not. Fuck parents who are unlucky enough to draw the short straw and have a condition that might affect their children sometimes though eh :)

Someone saying 'I'm completely OCD about.......' doesn't mean the person has OCD. It seems to have crept into general usage and often just means 'I'm really enthusiastic about'.

Not saying it's right to use it that way, just that you should not automatically assume the person saying it suffers from OCD at all. Usually they don't.

I presumed that someone who described themselves as "completely OCD about my children's safety" did not in face have the mental illness normally indicated by those letters.

IME being "totally OCD" is in the same category as being "a bit autistic", ie an ignorant, offensive, and often slightly boastful co-opting of actual medical problems to explain oneself.

And no, having a parent with the mental illness OCD should not be allowed to affect children's normal development. An OCD suffering parent should not, for example, subject their children to hours and hours of hand washing, even if their illness makes them feel they need to.

Having a mentally ill parent will doubtless affect you. But no parent should make their children the focus of their controlling obsessions.

OCD is a disabling mental health condition. It's a bit shit to compare it to people who overfeed out of love and what not

Yes, it is. However, I only used it in my post as the poster used it in hers. She may not have OCD but she does have a problem.
Forget the OCD, It doesn't change the point that if you are too scared to let your kids play out through your own fears, it would be better to sort out your own problems rather than restrict your child.
Parents who don't let an 11 year old out toplay or a parent who overfeeds an obviously obese child too much.......has a problem!

MiscellaneousAssortment

You might be the girl across from me when I was a child. I always felt so sorry for you/her cycling in the drive.

I laughed the idea that playing out is a British thing. I live in the Netherlands and my neighbours are encouraging me to let my DS play out. He's three. We do live in a very safe area with lots of places to play, but I still think he's too young. I grew up in naice area of England and everyone played out there, probably from about seven.

I do have a particularly disabling form of OCD which I have had since childhood (I was on medication for it aged 8 as it was so bad). As an adult, it has manifested itself in concerns about my DC's health and safety.

My DC did not/do not play out unsupervised. However, I will always take them to the park and their friends come round all the time. They also take the dog for walks (they are not alone if they've got her with them).

I do have a bit of a problem, but feel that even without my neuroses I would be reluctant to let them play out unsupervised.

Miscellaneous - yes, your post was actually really sad.

OP, YANBU and on the whole I agree with you, but I do know quite a lot of otherwise sensible people, including my own DH, who are more protective. When DS1 was about 11 we had arguments (not in front of him!) about whether he should be allowed to walk to some places on his own, and DH actually asked me to follow him at a distance once or twice to make sure he was coping OK before he was happy to let him.

I personally think it depends a lot on where you live and what the traffic is like there, but most children should be getting some degree of independence by the time they're in year 6, including learning to cope with traffic on their own (perhaps not on a busy dual carriageway straight away, but no reason why most of them couldn't handle ordinary suburban roads).

If anything I am more concerned about traffic than being attacked, which I suspect is rare enough not to be worth letting children miss out on vital life skills. If there was absolutely nowhere my children could walk alone close to home because of unusually heavy or dangerous traffic, I would positively welcome them having a chance to go to a friend's house in a quieter area where they could get that practice. I am wondering if the parent in this case actually knows how safe your area is, traffic-wise.

I don't think I would try to discourage the friendship, but maybe only invite the other girl round at times when it's convenient for you to do something with them, and if the parents ask why she's not being invited so often, make the point that it is their restrictions that make it difficult for you.

SolonDaisy - Yes in many European countries children play out and walk to school at a much younger age than here. A friend who lives in Germany was considered over protective by neighbours because she wouldn't let her 4 year old play outside with the other children. They would be aghast at an 11 year old not allowed out alone.