to be annoyed that a 11-year old that is over to play is not allowed outside without an adult?

[goldenteapot]

AIBU?! My children usually play out on the street after school (rural area, no cars) but this child's mother has says she is never allowed out on her own because she is too young.

AIBU? I'm working so I can't take them outside all afternoon! I've told them they will have to watch tv.

Of course people will 'judge' when they hear a mother will not allow her 11 yr old out to play.
The mother MAY have her reasons, like she had a bad experience when little.. but the concern is for the child being so restricted. Whatever the mothers reasons, should she not try to resolve them when they affect her child?

"Totally. All the kids I knew that were allowed to play out were from "rough" families. Nice middle class children were not allowed to roam the streets. It just wasn't done."

What does it take to be rough? We grew up in an ex mining town in the 70/80s that was practically one big council estate. We had completed freedom from morning to night - no one played inside unless the weather was awful. Did that automatically make us rough? Just curious how folk see it. There were kids we thought were a bit rough, but not everyone

No play dates, no sleep overs, no friends really came into your house to play. The houses were tiny 2 beds with a spit of garden for families with up to 7 kids. You had to play out.

I feel my kids have really missed out in some ways and have loads of nice experiences and privileges we didn't have - but not as much fun or freedom that we had (dangerous as it sometimes was).

Now, I'm really missing the modern very family friendly estate surrounded by fields with bike tracks and a lovely park in the centre and quiet traffic calming roads that we moved from last year. Where we live now is lovely and very suburban but just not the same opportunities for the kids to play out. Before that it was a busy road in town and just not suitable for playing out at all. My kids miss the old house where they could play out and call for friends. My friends used to send their kids up here to play out when they couldn't let their kids at their own house.

It really all depends on so many different circumstances. You can't just draw up blanket conclusions on playing out.

Of course I will judge in that particular circumstances. The mother has a problem and her DD is suffering for it.

Bambam we played out and my parents are doctors... We lived rurally - still rough? Maybe There weren't many other kids about though, so mostly we played together (siblings) or with kids from one other family. The village was mostly older people - there were kids on outlying farms but we didn't know them as we were sent to a different school. We rode our bikes miles down back lanes and played in a river out of sight of our parents though - and my parents thought it was fine to make a 10 year old fully responsible for a 4 year old near water (they still think that's fine). The only bit I strongly disagree with is making a child responsible for younger children as a condition of being allowed out - that I wouldn't ever do.

God, yes, MrTumbles. My little brother at 4 was hit by a car, and I can remember being desperately worried that at 7, I was to blame for having wandered off without checking where he was.

(He survived somewhat broken and went on to break further limbs pretty regularly throughout our joint childhood.)

I never ever played out. We lived by a park and I was not allowed in it alone or with my siblings.

I went out alone aged 17 when I could drive.

Rather than insinuating my parents were mad, you might consider that in my street and that park, people were raped, mugged and generally terrorised. I had a great childhood and I am completely independent. I've lived hundreds of miles from family with no problems.

The one time my brother sneaked into the park alone, aged about 10-12, a man approached him and asked if he wanted to come and see his puppies at his house (brother was fortunately on bike and rode away v fast!). Yes, really these cliches do get used and there are bad people around. Lots of people on MN like to think bad people don't exist/people are afraid of paedos round every corner but it would do a lot of you some good to stop being so blasé and realise that actually there are quite a few people about who do want to abuse children. And let that girl's mother take care of her as she sees fit. If you don't like it op, don't invite the girl round.

Statistically, children are more likely to be abused in their own home or by someone they know. Just sayin' like.

at age 12 my 2 yo brother came everywhere with me! he stalked me even now as a nearly 13 yo he sleeps at my house and tags along if I take my DCs to the park etc. but his friends don't really go out much, they sit on games consoles all day. so do my DSs friends from school and he is six. its very

I don't think I am at all naive about the fact that some people wish to harm children. But I do think there is safety in numbers. If you have ten children playing in a quiet cul de sac where they are visible from their parents' houses, it is very different in terms of danger to two children, or a lone child, cycling alongside a busy road. Or cycling along a quiet country lane for that matter.

I do find it very frustrating though when some people insist that a certain age is far too young to play out and that any parent who allows it is irresponsible. Or conversely that children will be irreparably damaged by not being allowed to. I just think that it comes down to a combination of factors - the child in question, the children they will be playing with, the traffic, the ability of parents to supervise in some way (eg looking out the window), and the likelihood of them coming to the attention of anyone who might be on the prowl looking for vulnerable children.

I'm happy for my children to play out the front of my house with the neighbours kids, because I have made an assessment that it is safe enough. If I lived even round the corner from where I do, my assessment would be that it isn't safe (too much passing traffic, too many passing strangers etc).

Playing out gave me the ability to distinguish the rough (diamonds in many cases!) from the unpleasant.

I realise not everyone lives in safe enough areas but it was important in my own development and I've been lucky enough to live in areas where my kids can go out relatively safely and play with other kids.

I think experiencing normal behaviour daily when out and about helps in spotting the more unusual, not quite right stuff occurring. Don't get me wrong I supervised from a distance for some time, picking weeds in the garden while they were across the road for example, setting physical limits to their range, ensuring they always stick together.

I recall reading of a politician's son being left alone, drunk by his "mates" after a night out and thinking they had not learned the rules of friendship I had as a child (out with the ruffians !)

People who don't allow their 11 year old to play outside on their own in a 'safe' area are idiots who will raise their children to be as paranoid as they are.

expatinscotland

wow nobody was ever kidnapped for ransom round us, far to much effort for the £10 they would have got in payment. I need to keep an eye out for expat she must be rich and worthwhile pickings :)

People who don't allow their 11 year old to play outside on their own in a 'safe' area are idiots who will raise their children to be as paranoid as they are.

Oh please! isn't this just becoming another way to attack parents for their parenting?

And idiots? Really? I think the real idiots are those who criticize others for making different choices to theirs. Idiots because they can't see that everyone parents to the best of their abilities, idiots because they cannot accept that other people don't follow what they think is the best way to parent. Idiots for being so closed minded!

And I believe that those people are sometimes called dictators!

Surely it depends totally on the environment "outside". There is no general rule and it is the responsibility of individual parents to assess the risk and then decide.

There is a world of difference between the barren and dangerous outdoor environment described by expat and the idyllic one described by Mr Tumbles, with trees and sandpits etc. The same parent would make a very different risk assessment on each of these.

^And I believe that those people are sometimes called dictators!

No... I don't believe they are.

Anyway, YANBU OP

Just don't have the child over again if you have to supervise her like she's 4.

11 year olds should really be beyond "playing out" like little kids and off entertaining thrmselves wherever young people hang out.

Sorry differentnameforthis but I do believe they're idiots. It's absolutely idiotic to prohibit an 11 year old from playing outside in a safe area without adult supervision. What happens when they're 13 and deemed grown up enough to lave the house accompanied? Becoming streetwise is a gradual process, not something that magically happens when a child reaches 13/14.

You're doing your children a disservice by keeping them indoors in some paranoid attempt to protect them from the world. Children need pace to run free from their parental supervision. It's part of growing up.

And I believe that those people are sometimes called dictators!

A tad ott perhaps? You sound like you could benefit from a bit of fresh air yourself.

I have to agree with squoosh May sound harsh, but it is true.

It sort of gets on my nerves that people keep harping on about judging peoples parenting and 'attacking' people for their parenting. At what stage are we allowed to 'attack' someone for their parenting?
Some people parent in an absurd way and with all the understanding in the world, sometimes you just have to say they are bonkers,..I mean wrong.

Its kids who suffer when parenting is weird.

A tad ott perhaps? You sound like you could benefit from a bit of fresh air yourself.

Another assumption.

You are the one who is ott, calling those who parent differently to you idiots.

Nope. I'm only idiotic parents idiots.

only calling idiotic parents idiots

You are probably damaging your children by having such stupid judgemental views.

You assumed that I don't let MY kids play out, which you would be wrong about.

At least I don't need to call other parents idiots in order to validate my choices.

Sorry to disappoint you differentnameforthis but I made no comment about your parenting. Any 'you' in my post was a collective you to all those who refuse to let an 11 year old out of the house. You have got yourself rather worked up though so maybe that wasn't very clear to you.