to be annoyed that a 11-year old that is over to play is not allowed outside without an adult?

[goldenteapot]

AIBU?! My children usually play out on the street after school (rural area, no cars) but this child's mother has says she is never allowed out on her own because she is too young.

AIBU? I'm working so I can't take them outside all afternoon! I've told them they will have to watch tv.

At about 13 a group of us were allowed to go to the cinema etc together

I remember that when I was in primary school I used to cycle to the cinema on my own on a Saturday morning. They had a special child rate for the morning show that I could sometimes afford out of my pocket money.

I played outside at juniors age. Walked the 1.5 miles to school without an adult at 11. I couldn't imagine not letting children out to play if it's not a dangerous place

Fair enough in a city, Expat, but why take that attitude in a rural area?

I didn't "play out" and not sure its the norm around here apart from wtih some of the kids I probably wouldn't want mine playing out with!

I honestly don't get the appeal of playing on a street... I DO get going to the cinema/ going somewhere, but not playing on the street! Its only on mn I've realised there's a whole world of people that hung out in the street.

We do tons iwth our kids taht isn't playing out - gardens/parks/ tell them to make cakes etc.

Just ring the poor girl's mother and tell her to come and collect her child, as you're sending yours outside to play and you're not supervising them. Job done.

I agree, Little.

Think I'd want to have a chat with this mother - and find out what's it all about.

LittleRobots - The point of playing out is learning to play games, make up games, and just hang about and get on with other children, without adults around. We used to make up lots of games.

My 11 year old is also not allowed out . We live in a busy street with cars zooming up and down all day long.

Did the mother tell you this directly, or did the child? Its possible that actually she didn't feel like playing out and would prefer to play on an ipad - at that age "my mum says I'm not allowed to" is a great excuse for anything!

Eh, I wouldn't let mine play on the street at 11. Garden, of course, not the street. There's too many crazy drivers around, and I have seen too many traffic accidents.

Why can't they play in your garden, if you are rural?

YANBU

I grew up in a very rural area, which meant although I had fields to play in, no-one ever came to knock for me. I hated being the only girl that didn't go out
When we bought this house, we took into account that it's in a cul-de-sac so the dc could play out if they wanted too.
When the dc have friends over, I always check with the parents if they're allowed out, that way I can plan things.

Little robots - our road has lots of children who attend various schools - some local, some a few miles away. For us, it's a natural environment all dc to get to know each other.

In a safe area, playing out is fresh air, (free vitamin D) socialising with other kids apart from school peers, mixing with different ages, sharing toys like bikes, scooters, impromptu ball games with hoodies as goalposts, getting to know who's who in your area. Making up games, daring each other to go up the path of the 'haunted house' seeing another kid's new puppy or other pet, solving problems, responsibility for younger siblings, in other words age-appropriate behaviour for being part of your local community.

I grew up in a rural area too and we used to go out and play where the hell we liked. The only restriction was we were not allowed to go to the river we did though we just made sure we weren't found out

I admit my DD did not have that much freedom as we live in a more urban area and there is a busy road not far away. However, we live in a quiet cul-de-sac and it has always been quite common for the children to play out, either in gardens or on the street.

Certainly by 11 (Y6) my DD was taking herself to school half a mile away and going to friends houses by herself.

'I'm feeling a bit sad for those of you who didn't play outside with your friends as children. It sounds really unhealthy!'

As an adult now I am in 2 minds about it. It was probably due to the sort of parents that were allowed the kids to play out or go to the park down the road back then - I don't think my mum wanted me mixing either them. Their parents had some questionable ideas I think. She didn't want me being influenced by it. You know the kind of stuff - adult films,games and when older parents that didn't mind smoking and drinking.

None of my mums friends would have allowed it either with their children.

I'm sort of glad lookingn at where a lot of those children ended up but as it happened as a teenager I rebelled massively and ended falling in with a bad crowd so it didn't really work.

Obviously I'm not suggesting anyone here of anything like this just explaining the situation for me as a child.

Perhaps if we lived in a rural community it would have been different.

What's all this stuff about making up games? Do children's imaginations not work indoors? (Not disagreeing with OP, just find this romanticism of ourdoor play odd...)

MIne are younger, so I do realise I will revisit this when they are older - but they play outdoors a lot, and I hope they will continue to do so. If older teens wantsd to go on bike rides/ spend an evening at the beach/ walking etc I'm fine with that, we're a fairly outdoorsy family. Similarly fine for them to play in the garden with friends.

I'm not at all convinced having them play on the street would be any better!! It is honestly a completely alien idea to me. I remember youth clubs being set up so kids didn't "play on the street". In my mind it would be what you do as a last resort if you don't have anything better to do, so I'd rather mine did activities and went to the beach/park/each others houses/gardens/whatever.

I cant remember any of my school friends talking about playing out. I know some kids that my family weren't keen on hung around on street corners, but it really wasn't considered desirable!

I do realise that its a completely normal childhood thing for many people (at the age of 35, since mumsnet) but it really doesn't seem it for me/my children. Its completely alien idea (playing on a street near cars when you could be on a beach/fields/gardens!)

Please excuse the typos and auto correct there.

Perpetual - me too! My children play made up games all the time, especially with their friends that are in and out of their house! No need to play with the traffic!

Notrevealling - similar here - it was the ones that went on to drink on the street corners, smoke in secret, dare each other to knock on doors, steal from the corner shop, knock over for sale signs.....

Playing out is wonderful - lots of independence and freedom, the chance to settle their own disputes, learn deal with slightly tricky situations, invent games... I used to love it.

I let my DC do it, but I found I was very much in the minority. One of my DC had a friend who, at 11, was not allowed to walk to our house (two routes: cross two busy-ish roads; or cross three very, very quiet ones), or ride a bike or a horse or... I found it really sad.

I hope the mum doesn't come on mumsnet

Awkward !

There could be all sorts of personal reasons and experiences that affect her opinion on this. I feel a bit sorry for her getting called bonkers on the Internet.