to be annoyed that a 11-year old that is over to play is not allowed outside without an adult?

[goldenteapot]

AIBU?! My children usually play out on the street after school (rural area, no cars) but this child's mother has says she is never allowed out on her own because she is too young.

AIBU? I'm working so I can't take them outside all afternoon! I've told them they will have to watch tv.

I loved playing out. Totally different from playing in your house. Playing in your house you only have the friends you have invited in to play. Playing out you get to know other kids of all ages.
And I was an incredibly well behaved teen.

Depends on your situation doesn't it, and your child.

I had fields to wander in and 'twas great - except for lack of choice of playmates (next door or next door)

We live in a city and it's very variable outside our door - lovely leafy conservation area - trendy part of town to live in. There have been times when there's been armed police outside chasing someone, and there are regularly guys on bikes at the other end of the street selling drugs. No playing out here then.

My DS1 has ADHD and I've just five minutes ago had to drag all three DSs In from the garden because he got hold of a spade and was aiming it at the head of a statue in the garden! Last week one of the 6 year olds injured the other and we had a trip to A & E. I was actually asked if I'd been present when it happened and I had to say I was inside. She actually wrote it down! I don't know what to say really- because you can't stand in the bloody garden all afternoon can you? dies of boredom watching boys digging holes

YANBU.

Assuming this child doesn't have any particular issues (other than an overprotective mother), 11really isn't 'too young' to play outside as you describe with another child. They really have to start to be able to be at least a bit independent by secondary age.

Surely at age 11, a child can cross a road on their own? Or know not to cross? Playing out teaches a child independence and the opportunity to learn how to deal with situations and resolve issues with friends without parental intervention. Of course there are risks but you can't wrap kids in cotton wool.

My DH believes that cycling alone without a helmet on a dual carriageway A road aged 12 is OK because he did it in the 70's. I would not allow it for DS1 and will not for DS2 because I've seen the outcomes for people who get hit by cars on there. Often fatal, always serious. He thinks I'm bonkers and overprotective. I think these things come down to the area and conditions and what the parents experiences have been. If you had loads of freedom as a child and were lucky enough to not know anyone get into difficulties you will be more relaxed than someone who did not have that. I was about 14 before I was allowed out other than to get the bus to school, my mum didn't want me hanging around and potentially getting into trouble. We lived in an area that might be described as socially deprived, in the town centre. DH live in a very picturesque, middle class village.

Do you mean in the garden or out on the street?

mine all play out but not in the street. they go to the fields behind our house or to the park a few streets away. they have all done this from about age 8. eldest 2 are now allowed much further afield, they both cycle 3 miles to and from school each day to start with. I think it's part of gradually letting them do things for themselves

I don't think either party is b.u. But I don't think a women who cNt defend herself on here should be called bonkers and for what wanting to keep her child sAfe. Yes I understand you live in a nice Area where people hAve roses growing around their doors but If this mother is a worrier she's a worrier
Also do you know her back story. She could hVe suffered s bad experience that's mAde her be An anxious parent

My parents were well and truly in the overprotective group but even they let us play out alone from 8/9 ish.

Do children's imaginations not work indoors?

Not in the same way, I don't think.

Also "making up games" is not just about imagination.

Playing out means you are in a world of children, with children's rules.

Figuring out how to play together, and what to do with all that wonderful free time is amazing.

I let my 7 & 5 year olds out to play.

But sadly we live in a place where playing out isn't really a thing.

I think they are missing out on the single coolest thing about being children.

I go camping and seek out places where they can go and join a big group of children running about without adults supervising them the whole time.

I agree, Ilive. Plenty of posts on here over the years of playing out where posters, or their playmates on, in two cases, their children (one of whom died, age 8) were seriously injured, molested/raped, hit by a car, drowned, etc. Who knows what this lady's back story is.

Jamie Bulger's mum had three more children after Jamie died (her first child, before Jamie, was born still) and was quite protective of them, naturally.

They are all grown and have moved out and are functioning adults.

I want my children to have nice, fun childhoods

Turning out "functional" adults hardly seems like much to aspire to.

Being a kid isn't just a preparation for being a grown up.

Difficult one that. My 9 year old and all but one of his friends are allowed to play out (rural area, local park etc) to play football, it, etc. The one boy who is not allowed is still welcome by me to come over but my son doesn't want him to because he wants to go out and play.

As for an 11 year old. That is crazy. Rules may apply - don't leave the park, don't leave each other etc.

'I want my children to have nice, fun childhoods

Turning out "functional" adults hardly seems like much to aspire to.'

What you think is fun and nice is different from what others believe that to be. It varies all over the world. It's subjective. There's more than one notion of what that is. But if it makes you feel better to judge, go right ahead.

I didn't play out. I had what I consider a nice, fun childhood

Who am I judging?

I'm just explaining that getting to play out was the best thing about being a child for me, and I'm sad that it's getting harder to provide similar freedom for my own children.

You can pour scorn on it all you like, but if you never got to play out yourself you don't know what you missed out on.

YANBU, when I was a child I wouldn't have been allowed to play indoors on a nice day! My sister and I would have been turfed out after breakfast to play outside and were only expected back in for a drink or an ice lolly.

Watch programmes such as 7 up around the world. All the children played out, unless it was safe to do so.

Unless it wasn't safe to do so.

Are you sure that she doesn't have any special needs? DS 13, top sets for everything at school, but has ASD and can only cross safely if there is a pedestrian crossing, otherwise he stands at the side of the road and dithers and dithers. He won't even cross when there is no cars in sight just in case one drops from the sky!!

My niece really resents that she is not allowed out on her own. She misses out on things her friends are doing together. Yes, she gets taken out to lovely places by her parents and also with other children with their parents but it is just not the same!
Of course you can grow up to be a functioning adult having not played out, but you have missed out on experiences you can never recreate as an adult. I learned so many things that I could not have learned indoors under parental supervision. I did have accidents, I did have frights but those experiences taught me things and about myself
I think there is a selfishness about keeping a child of that age in. It's all about YOU and your fears and has nothing to do with what may be good for the child.

My dc aren't allowed to play out.
They are 10 and 9 (and 3, but who lets 3 year olds out to play without an adult anyway?).
We live on a very main and busy road that connects 2 towns. It's never been an option for mine to play out.
They've forgiven me though, and are able to knock for neighbours children and play in gardens too. They've survived just fine.
I played out when I was younger, we lived on an army estate and it was basically a bit feral!

I agree that children being in a children's world without adults hovering is a great thing. We used to live in a very built up area where playing out was not an option because there was simply no where. However there was a fantastic park which was staffed by volunteers which had all manner of fun stuff to do and from aged 8 children were allowed in without a parent so my oldest literally grew up there.

We now live in a quietish street and kids play out, they ride bikes and scooters and generally run about. Strangely enough even my 9 year old knows to watch out for cars and not to go and play with the traffic. I do wonder that some people appear to be raising children without teaching them some common sense or basic road safety.

If 11 is too young, then when would you let your child out?

I fear we have a generation of children whose lives are so micro managed that they have no idea how to be a child unless it's heavily supervised by their parent or in an organised setting.

I'm actually cringing at the comment saying they do crafts and baking with their kids so they don't need to play out or get bored. I do baking with my youngest, my oldest can do it herself and if an 11 yr old needs to be supervised with crafts then I truly despair.

'You can pour scorn on it all you like, but if you never got to play out yourself you don't know what you missed out on.'

God, I know, getting kidnapped for ransom, possibly murdered, raped. I'm so sad I missed out on all that .