to be annoyed that a 11-year old that is over to play is not allowed outside without an adult?

[goldenteapot]

AIBU?! My children usually play out on the street after school (rural area, no cars) but this child's mother has says she is never allowed out on her own because she is too young.

AIBU? I'm working so I can't take them outside all afternoon! I've told them they will have to watch tv.

Played at a lot of friends' houses and ours - in the big gardens and courtyards. It doesn't have to involve a road.

True, Sunny, my son has ASD and even if it were possible for him to play out, it wouldn't be a good idea.

But of course, he will have missed out and be compromised in the world of MN, which is far and removed from most of real life in the real world.

I played out, wandered all over our village and valley making dens, daming up the stream to swim in, getting the bus to town with my mates. It was the best part of my childhood. I certainly have no lovely memories of tame little play dates watching TV.

Wanting our kids to be able to play out has had a massive influence on which houses we have chosen to live in. We have passed on the lovely period houses on main roads and the gorgeous but isolated cottages and bought houses on cul de sacs on modern family estates. Our kids always played out. They are all confident good mixers, who negotiate their friendships with relative ease. Of course that may have happened anyway but I think playing out has helped.

Another one who believes there are benefits to letting children play outside - not least of which is space to run around and shout, which you can't do indoors. Also, I think it's good for them to be outside getting some sunshine and exercise and a wee bit of freedom.
not so long ago children weren't allowed to stay inside, with one friend recalling her mother's mantra of "Go and play outside. it's not raining... too hard."
Mind you, this was at a time when most women were SAHMs, so they were around to keep any eye on things and of course would not hesitate to tell children off - regardless of whether they were their own children or not. that wouldn't go down very well today.

My DCs played out from about age 7 or 8, it's perfectly safe here in the suburbs. Today they went to the park together after dinner and came back when it got dark. They said they were the only people playing in the park,which made me feel a bit . It's a lovely spring evening, why wasn't the park full of children?
DD's friend came round at the weekend to choose party outfits. Her mum asked us to walk her home afterwards, but I felt a bit ridiculous walking an 11yo who was taller than me, ten doors down on a sunny afternoon!

Why is it either play out or telly/iPads? cant they play games indoors, made up or otherwise?

You had to chum an 11 year old TEN doors down the street?
that's taking things to an extreme, isn't it?
Surely she will be going up to High School soon and making her own way there and back? She needs to know about road safety and personal safety now and short local trips by herself seem like the ideal opportunity to start.

There's a reason why children starting senior school are very vulnerable to accidents - because suddenly they are expected to be able to travel independently when any of them have never been allowed to go anywhere by themselves. t

I played out on my own from the age of about 5 I think, I mean proper, out of sight of my mum in the next street, out on my own. From the age of 7 I was living on Army camps here and abroad and so we all played out miles away from our parents. That was the 80s though.

I think an 11 year old should be allowed to go out and play in the street with all the other kids though!

My kids play outside on their own and they are 7, 5 and 3! That's practically child neglect! We do live down a farm track in the middle of nowhere though - and they're not allowed to go past a certain point on the track but usually they stay in the garden. Fresh air and exercise is surely fundamental to children's wellbeing?

I agree with expatinscotland you don't know this other mum's reasons and some of the judgments on here are unkind. I don't think yabu to feel a bit annoyed but either you accept that they play indoors or don't invite her again.

God, I know, getting kidnapped for ransom, possibly murdered, raped. I'm so sad I missed out on all that

Getting kidnapped and murdered regularly is all part of a healthy childhood.

As everyone knows.

Perhaps the mum had something happen to her at that age. I didn't let my son out to play with neighbour's kids until the past summer because I was molested at age 8. Did you invite the child over or did the mum ask you to have her? I think it would be very unfair for someone to ask if you could do them a favour and have their child over after school and then make all sorts of demands about supervision/food etc.

We only ever played out occasionally (Mum preferred us in the garden where she could see us!) but what usually happened was it would be good for about 15 minutes until a row would break out between all the neighbourhood children and then we would all stomp off back to our own houses. There was no lovely, fluffy warm feelings between us all, we did not learn to sort out our disputes without adults, it was just war then home. Ahh happy days of my youth. Not sure the kids of today who don't play on the street are missing much!

Oh goodness is sounds odd to me but difficult to judge without knowing the area I suppose. My 6 year old has been playing out on the street with other friends of similar age since last summer

MissPenelope - That is a shame. Part of my experience of playing out was learning how to sort out disputes without adult involvement. I think in terms of social skills, it is a useful skill to learn.
But the best thing about playing out was just how much fun it was.

I wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone else kids play out on the street! In my garden with the gate locked yes, but not OUT unsupervised, I would never forgive myself if sonething happened or there were to be an accident. I wouldn't let my kids play out on the street either TBH.

'Getting kidnapped and murdered regularly is all part of a healthy childhood.'

I know, imagine, people procreating in anything other than an idyllic British landscape and their children being anything other than completely warped, pathetic things worthy of pity and only barely functional. So unhealthy, perhaps we should sterilise them all, they cannot possibly offer their children a 'nice, fun' childhood.

Out of interest for those saying 11 is too young to play out unsupervised ( which I'm still struggling to get my head around to be honest) what age do you think is? In theory in only 5 years they could be moving out and living independently!

Only skimmed the thread, but are you sure her mum said she wasn't to play outside, or has this got lost in translation?

I do wonder whether the violently opposing points of view on this thread reflect the class divide.
When I was growing up (80's kid here), the only kids that played out were the slightly rough kids. London suburb though. My mum did not want us to mix with them. However there were unsupervised trips to the shops / cinema / park from 11 onwards. We all played in each other's houses and gardens without much in the way of supervision.

The impression I have got from friends who were allowed to 'play out' as kids was that it was all a bit Lord of The Flies.

My 11 year old doesn't play out, mainly due to the fact there are no other children for her to play with, she does play out at friends houses though but a lot of them are in rural areas so no other kids near by.

Children don't play out around here, as there is too much traffic. No park within walking distance. We do have a garden, though.

Mind you, I am in two minds about this. We played out as children. One summer, we had a "war" with the neighbouring estate, and had battles on bikes, involving broken bones and stitches.

We also had big children (13 ish) who basically sexually abused the younger children.

We also spent hours on the building sites, watching the big children hotwire the diggers.

In hindsight, not terribly healthy. We all lived in a naice mc area. Our parents would have been horrified if they knew what went on.

Op hasn't really described where the children would be playing, who with, or what they would be doing.

She also sounds really unwelcoming and inflexible. What if it was absolutely pissing down with rain or snowing? Presumably you would allow the children to stay inside then op?

I'm baffled by this thread and also by some people's concepts of what "playing out" involves! I grew up in the 90s and I played outside unsupervised from about 5 I would think. We lived in a cul de sac with lots of other children. At that age we weren't allowed beyond the end of the road (100 yards long) and we used to just ride our bikes up and down, play games, skipping, all sorts. As I got older I was allowed to go further, I had friends from school who lived a five minute cycle/ten minute walk away and we were all in and out of each other's houses, bike riding, going to local parks etc and yes, even building the odd den. It was fab and I'd love my children to have the same kind of childhood.

braken

Totally. All the kids I knew that were allowed to play out were from "rough" families. Nice middle class children were not allowed to roam the streets. It just wasn't done.

I'm not saying it's still like that btw. But when I was growing up in the 90s in my area it was.