To expect wedding cards to the both of us not to be solely addressed (by the looks of it) to my new dh?

[treacleturkey]

That's it, really. We got married a couple of months ago, very few guests, and are still receiving cards from well-wishers - which is really nice of them.

So why does it annoy me SOOOOO much that the cards are addressed to 'Mr and Mrs (his initial) HIS Surname'?

I've kept my surname (why would anyone change theirs in this day and age?) and, surprise surprise, my own initial! So why are our cards mostly addressed to DH??? GGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i wouldn't say it trivial.

my name is not Mrs. Bob Sanquhar, it's Ms Esmerelda Sanquhar. i don't give a shit what convention says, it's not my name and it's bloody rude not to address me by my name.

convention used to say women should stop working when they marry, that is now considered old fashioned too.

and once again, it's not about Mr & Mrs dhname, it's about Mr & Mrs dhinitial dhsurname

It's actually a heck of a faff changing your name, particularly on a passport as you have to apply for a new one - I lost seven years on mine despite the fact I wasn't even changing the photo! Why would you bother unless it was important to you? If my only reason we're to follow 'outdated conventions' then I wouldn't have bothered.

Haven't read more than the OP, but just wanted to say I got married in 1970 and someone sent me a letter addressed like that and hated it. One thing is the surname and the other thing is when you are supposed to have taken your husband's first name too. Fortunately I live in Mexico where women do not lose either their first name or surname on marriage, much more civilised.

*OP is probably a man who thought he’d let the little women bicker about something trivial, so that he could get on with the Important Stuff.

Women, whether they call themselves feminists or not, do themselves no favours with this sort of discussion - there are bigger issues out there.*

The question of name changes after marriage is certainly not an issue that is only cared about by women. Is it the most important issue out there? Of course not, but it is important to some men and women and it is certainly no less important than a lot of other stuff that gets posted in AIBU.

if you dont want to 'take his name' dont, however, dont belittle us that decide to that you want to have the same name and pick his one. We went with his because he felt strongly about it.

i kept mine until children, and then changed it as i wanted us all to have the same name, didnt really care which one, its just a name

OP I hate it too! Outdated and sexist - and unfortunately beyond the comprehension of a lot of people (we still get post addressed to Mr & Mrs DH's full name. YANBU!

Ok I think I can explain it to you OP. Those people don't much care what you call yourself, and don't feel much harm is done if they get it wrong. People generally aren't very interested in this or many other facets of your life or your personal ideology, do they're just following the convention.

its just a name

But for some of us it isn't, kittens - I actually cannot imagine having a different name to the one I have now. I wouldn't feel like me anymore. I count myself as very lucky to have not married one ex-bf as I would have been under major pressure to conform to his family's expectations and change my name.

My name ties me to my childhood and is one of the first things I learned to spell. It reminds me of my heritage (mixed background) and I love how it has the potential to surprise people (I sound very WI whilst my name sounds very exotic). It's MY name and I am emotionally attached to it.

My kids have got their dad's name, which doesn't bother me. They're still my kids. They quite like mummy's big name, they call me by it every so often and grin

Just out if interest are u now Mrs or Ms or something else?

Should I be offended when letters are addressed to Mr & Mrs A Hippoesque then? Or should I celebrate society using my initial instead of his? We have the same initial you see so what on earth can I get all worked up over? Your choice works for you- lovely. It doesn't mean that your ideals are held by others or that you're suddenly superior for breaking tradition.

Like it or not, 'Mrs' means 'wife of'. It's therefore correct to address wives as 'Mrs Husband'sFirstName Husband'sSurname'. It is incorrect to call yourself 'Mrs YourFirstName Husband'sSurname'. Although I do.

I changed my surname, put a good bit of thought to it, still use my other surname socially. But whenever I get called by my husbands first name I suck my teeth.

I use Ms btw (that causes much ch issue on here too doesn't it)

I might send christmas cards to eveyone who does this and address them my her first name instead;

Ms & Mr HerInitial Surname.

YABU - it is simply convention.

At work I am Dr KeepsTrying (because it was too much hassle to change my professional name) and everywhere else I am Mrs Whatever.

It you had specifically told these people that you were not taking a married name (and perhaps even that you would find it offensive to get called it) then YANBU. Otherwise how on earth were they to know?

SuperMoon - I don't agree that Mrs means "wife of". It is a contraction of "Mistress" as are Miss and Ms for that matter.

So Mrs (wife of) Jane Smith .... does give another message. Wonder how same sex couples deal with it? Do we need something else?

This has got to be the most re-occurring thread EVER. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Yanbu

Correct Feckless, yet on most other surname threads, the OP hasn't inferred that women accessing MN in the afternoon are somehow inferior to those posting in the evening. On one hand OP wants a feminist issue acknowledged, then on the other makes a massively sexist statement that is widely ignored by other posters claiming she INBU yet who haven't RTFT in full.

YABVFU OP for the 'afternoon' statement, you've lost all credibility with me.

I beg your pardon, Row. My mistake.

Dh wanted us to change both our surnames upon marriage

To WOLF

Having said that "our" surname isn't much better

The initial bit would piss me off but I've never seen it on any of our/my correspondence

I kept my maiden name on marriage too, until I had dc and got fed up with saying, actually I'm not Mrs Thing, I'm Ms Goshawk. And gave in & now call myself Mrs Thing. It's the conventional way in this country, so you can't really blame people who don't know that you kept your own name.

I loathe the convention of writing to "Mr & Mrs [husband's initial] Thing. It makes me see red. One old friend sends me birthday cards using my DH's initial! I have my own initial, thanks!

But we also get water bills addressed to Mr J and Mrs M Thing, which seems very clumsy. Better to leave out the initials, IMO.

Well I'm new to MN so not ZZZZZing at the thread (was pretty obvious what the subject matter was from the title?! Probably will stop opening ones with similar titles after a while if I stick around)… but also being new to MN resulted in me not understanding "the afternoon comment…" if it is what ShakesBootyFlabWobbles says then… er… WTF OP?

I vaguely know a couple where they both changed their name to his DJ name....

Using the male initial is outdated and a very sexist convention.

I wouldn't assume the couple had become Mr and Mrs Onename but perhaps the senders thought it was too much of a faff to find out for sure.

What laurierf and ShakesBooty said. I am still pretty given the topic of this thread that the OP saw fit to disparage those posting on MN in the afternoon (at which point 90% of the posters were saying YABU).

Presumably the OP is waiting until evening before responding again...