Before you post

[lunar1]

Are you aware of the unwritten rules?

Never talk about buying your child a pink toy, unless your child is a boy. Then he absolutely must have something pink and preferably a princess dress to go with it.

Do not make any spelling or grammatical errors. Your OP will be ignored, no matter how important the question until you have accepted your flogging for using to many exclamation marks.

You must have a full understanding of every allergy possible, anything that can contain these allergens and exactly how to treat them.

You must be up to date in all correct terminology and how people may identify themselves, anything less and you are an intolerant bigot.

You will need to LTB within 24 hrs of your op, otherwise you are ignoring advice people have spent time giving you, not to mention damaging your children by not immediately running for the hills without a plan.

You must have enough savings for any possible emergency, otherwise you are irresponsible and should have planned better.

You must have an in depth knowledge of every physical and mental health problem possible and be aware of exactly how to manage each one and how it might affect someone's life.

If you get a flaming you must return to your thread within ten minutes otherwise you have flounced and are ignoring well meaning advice.

Ah, so you just pass by to have a sneer every now and then.
Sounds jolly.

And I'll probably skip off thread now. Because to stay would 'show I was just as heavily invested and spending as much time on MN as the people I have criticised'. Obviously.

Oh just saw this last post. I like lots of posters Randal of which you're one actually

Isn't she allowed an opinion....some of her comments were spot on

Sarah Ferguson, ex-HRH and ex-wife of a member of the royal family, so she doesn't get invited to royal weddings any more.

You may know her as the Duchess of York, a title she retains.

How dare you be interested in royalty!

It was a phase I went through. Then I realised that I'd have to marry a prince to become a Queen.

These threads are funny in a lighthearted way, then some people take it to the next level. Just chill, it's a social media forum.

Don't worry SpinDoctor I know too much about the royal family and various
celebrities than can be good for me. You'd almost think I use the Daily Mail sidebar of shame on a daily (and obsessive) basis.

I'm not cool am I? I have a number, no one waves at me either. Sob.

I'm probably a threadkiller too. Help!

Never admit you might have children..drops voice to a whisper by different fathers

Remember you must be a cool parent at all times, especially if your 15 year old daughter wishes to retire to her room with boyfriend.

Never admit that you don't have children- someone will ask why you are here.

Don't admit to bathing your children every night as its apparently insane and damages their immune systems and is dermally challenging.

Best if you don't admit to washing much yourself.... and only ever make your own shower scrubs etc and natural hemp washes....

Unless posting in style and beauty where a lovely product goes down a treat

Don't worry about giving too much of a back story about yourself or those near you - other posters will instinctively 'know' based on the few/no details you provide.

Anecdata is acceptable in certain circumstances. Published and peer reviewed evidence is sometimes better. Unless that research originates from South America.

I quiet like my local pub - generally a warm and friendly place with some good people as patrons. It still has a few unpleasant idiots in it sometimes.

Waves at Idontlikemondays42 in an uncool manner.

You must never express any annoyance towards people without children present using parent and child parking spaces. Because you know, just because you are a parent it doesn't mean that you can't park in another space so tight that you can't open the door wide enough to actually safely get your child out. And obviously moaning about it means you are likening yourself to a blue badge holder, and you have no business wanting to use a space which is reserved your exact needs because they are not legally enforceable don't you know.

Truly I'd quite like to get involved in the cultivation of quiches though. Does that involve growing your own spinach / broccoli / eggs? Arguments over the merits of shop bought pastry vs hand knitted pastry made with organic whole meal flour and goats butter?

Dont ever say anything about being disappointed in your child, from birth to old age, because you will be repeatedly scolded/shouted at how Lucky you are that you are even Able to have kids and/or that they aren't s/n.

Then it must be realized that the pain of TTC trumps any other kind of pain anyone else has.

Never expect a 'thank you'-if you do something nice as a volunteer then you are doing it for your own advancement. If you are merely doing your job then you are being paid-full stop.

Never admit to being a teacher-your place is in the wrong. Particularly when you work short hours, have long holidays and get the wonderful freebies where you take 30 children away for 5 days and are responsible for them the entire time. You have a special bonus if you are secondary and get to take teenagers abroad for your free 'holiday'.

Don't start threads about ketchup

^
That was "lighthearted" by the way...

Mehita

yes. remember in Friends? "There's no such thing as a selfless good deed"

Salmotrutta Fizzy, furry red sauce served at room temperature deserves an ocean's worth of pearls to be clutched...

...Anything can become a class issue within 10 replies to the OP.