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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset that the school careers advisor suggest my 14yo son join the army?

133 replies

SushhhhNow · 23/03/2015 17:51

Genuinely interested to know if I'm over reacting.

DS wants to join the police force. He had been considering going to university before applying, or possibly working after college for a couple of years. However, last week he had an appointment with a careers advisor who said he should think about joining the army first! She told him he'd be more likely to get in with an army background.

TIA

OP posts:
TimeToGetUp · 23/03/2015 20:58

YANBU

Floisme · 23/03/2015 21:04

I too was once a careers adviser many years ago. It was drummed into us that you must be totally impartial about all the options, keep your personal views to yourself and never, ever tell anyone what they 'should do'. (In fact I'm sure many young people and parents went away really frustrated at the seeming lack of direction!) I agree with some others that if your son was already attracted to the army, he quite possibly seized on the idea or may even have brought it up himself.

However that's just speculation and if you're not happy then you should take it further. In my day, you had to agree a signed, written record of the discussion with the young person and send a copy of it home. I don't know whether this still happens but you could start by asking the school if such a record exists.

Pyjamasandwine · 23/03/2015 21:11

I totally see your main point op.

You would crease with worry to have your ds in the army and who wouldn't.

Proud yes, supportive yes shit scared and petrified absolutely.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 23/03/2015 21:14

If he wants to join the army get him to make sure he gets good grades and signs up to join a trade - maybe one that will cost him megabucks to train in outside the forces.

I am biased as I am ex-RAF but maybe if he's set on the forces you could point him in the direction of the RAF - has he considered something like Airframes tech or Avionics? You can make very good money after leaving the forces having trained with them in a technical trade.

Yes, RAF personnel do go on detachment and it is dangerous, but that is the nature of the beast, and if he's on a squadron in a support role he's highly unlikely to be faced with frontline duties.

Radiatorvalves · 23/03/2015 21:18

And what about the RN? I'm exRN, have a degree, did 7 years (great fun) as an officer...and am now a lawyer earning c100k. DH did a bit longer, is not a lawyer and is earning similar in a totally different field.

He could do worse.

FryOneFatManic · 23/03/2015 21:18

Floisme The problem with the totally impartial method is that sometimes some quite daft ideas come up as options.

I remember one careers advise session, that was to talk through suggestions raised from a computer system that came up with career suggestions based on your preferences and grades. I think the system was called CASCADE.

One option that came up for me was acoustics engineer. I am partly deaf.

Like I'd ever get an employer to take me seriously in that profession.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 23/03/2015 21:19

Oh totally agree about the RN. I'm from a port city and I love the RN with a passion. You could definitely do worse!

Capricorn76 · 23/03/2015 21:23

YANBU. I remember the careers 'advice' I was given in the early 90s. I feel that if I hadn't gone to a crappy comp, I would've received a more positive steer (can't remember what they advised but I remember feeling quite deflated) Luckily I ignored them.

LustyBusty · 23/03/2015 21:25

I decided at 14 I wanted to join the military. I applied for and was accepted to military sixth form (which I declined, long story) and was sponsored through sixth form and university to be an engineer. Granted, at 21 I realised that I didn't want to do it, but at 14 to 20 it was all I wanted to do. And to be honest, at 14, if mum had been dead against it, it would have made me more inclined, not less. Wanting to join the military does not necessarily mean no uni, and whilst it is risky, I still think the benefits outweigh the risks (as long as you can deal with the bs and the potential to fight in a war you don't agree with)

msgrinch · 23/03/2015 21:28

Uni isn't important, at all. I'd be so proud if my ds joined the forces. Though it's personal to me. CA has done her job and it's up to your ds what he does.

AGirlCalledBoB · 23/03/2015 21:29

I guess she has to suggest all different kind of careers and it is good he is open to exploring all options.

I don't know anyone in the army so can't comment what it is like as a job, my oh was set on it and was gutted when he couldn't get in when he failed the medical due to a condition he had as a child.

Tobyjugg · 23/03/2015 21:30

Any right thinking parent would be horrified at this advice.

The Royal Navy's a much better bet.

Morelikeguidelines · 23/03/2015 21:30

I wouldn't recommend to anyone that they join the army. If someone really wants to (enough to risk being killed) they will think of it for themselves.

Also not sure that it is any sort of route into the police. I didn't think you needed another career first as a "route" in.

We did a quiz at school to find out what our career should be. I got a Vicar - before the days when there were women vicars (i'm not one now).

TheFairyCaravan · 23/03/2015 21:31

DS1 knew at 14 he was going to join the Army, he knew what it entailed, he knew the risks, he knew what it took to succeed, he knew it was the career for him and despite some of his teachers trying their level best to change his mind he didn't faulter.

He told us when he was about 7 or 8 that he was going to be a soldier and as he got older we never doubted it. He continued to work hard at school, gaining all A*s and As at GCSE, and AAB at A level. He got a place at uni, but deferred and said he was joining up because the wait at Sandhurst was long, there was no guarentee he'd get in once he'd been to uni and he didn't want to be saddled with all the debt because all he wanted to do was join the army.

He joined in July last year, and finishes his Phase 2 training this Friday. He left home a young man and is now a highly motivated, very confident and very skilled man. He is the happiest and most confident I have ever seen him. He has found the missing piece of his puzzle. He has obtained an NVQ level 2 in engineering and will be continuing on with this to a level 3 at his Regiment.

It was Families' Day at the weekend and we got to see him in his environment. It was great to see him interact with men of all ranks and not be phased, he was upstanding and maintaining eye contact which is not what we are used to seeing him do. He has made us so proud.

DH is in the RAF so my kids have only ever experienced military life so they really do get it. DS2 can't join, otherwise he would. There are a lot worse things that your kids could do. Yes, it does worry me and I don't relish the idea of DS1 being deployed to a war zone, but he could get run over by a bus or struck down with a terminal illness. And at the end of the day he's 20, he's a man and he can make his own decisions. I can choose to stand by him and support him or turn against him. I support him because I love him and if something happened to him I'd never forgive myself if I hadn't been there for him.

FryOneFatManic · 23/03/2015 21:35

I don't know about the RN or Army but the RAF has a bursary programme, where students are sponsored through uni (not the whole cost, but certainly a bursary), in return for which they serve a minimum term as an officer (about 6 years IIRC). During their time in uni, students were expected to join the University Air Squadron.

If people chose not to join up, they had to repay the bursary.

But certainly, joining up doesn't mean no university.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 23/03/2015 21:35

You sound like a lovely mum Fairy, and your son sounds like a fantastic young man too.

TheFairyCaravan · 23/03/2015 21:45

Thank you monkey Flowers

Jackieharris · 23/03/2015 21:49

I'd be absolutely fuming if someone suggested that to my DCs!

Sunbeam18 · 23/03/2015 21:52

Not unreasonable at all. Nobody should be suggesting to young boys that they sign up for the army. I think that is morally wrong and I would be fuming to the point of going into the school to complain. The army should not be allowed to recruit at school fairs, etc, either.

TheFairyCaravan · 23/03/2015 21:57

The OP's DS was already attracted to joining the army, so there is every chance that he brought the subject up himself seeing as the OP had been doing her best to put him off.

Why shouldn't the forces be allowed to go to school careers events? Why should my son not have been able to have talked to the people who he wanted to work with when all of his friends could? They don't act like child catchers, you know!

Sunbeam18 · 23/03/2015 22:08

I think my fear would be that the lifestyle and all the training perks and sports in the army life would be sold easily to young boys and that the bottom line of the job (signing up to being sent into any conflict zone that the government of the time chooses with the real possibility of being killed or killing someone) would not be emphasised.

TheFairyCaravan · 23/03/2015 22:14

Well, you'd be wrong Sunbeam. When they join they are under no illusion of what they are joining to do.

Sunbeam18 · 23/03/2015 22:22

I didn't mean to cause any offense. I don't think the OP is unreasonable though.

Quiero · 23/03/2015 22:22

I'm a careers adviser

I don't believe a qualified careers adviser would encourage your son to join the army as others have said, careers guidance isn't about telling people what they should do, it's about exploring options.

Who is the careers adviser? How can you contact them? If it were me I'd want you to ring me so I could discuss your concerns.

MrsBoreanaz · 23/03/2015 22:23

how many military and police casualties have there been in the last decade? The former dwarfs the latter

Of course. But Iraq and Afghanistan are over. There was no mandate to go to Syria because there is little/no appetite to get involved in another war.

There is no reason to suggest that the next decade will see the same military casualties. It's a risk... But not a given.

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