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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you consider is a realistic age for having a last baby?

478 replies

GlitteringJasper · 21/03/2015 23:47

Purely based on your own personal opinion?

What age is the 'cut off' in your mind for someone having their final baby?

Really interested to hear views on this!

Am dithering!

OP posts:
FeijoaSundae · 22/03/2015 07:07

I'd just turned 35 with DC1, and was 36 with DC2.

I/we toyed with the idea of a third, but I wanted to be done with pregnancy and breastfeeding (and would've assumed BFing for at least a year, as with previous two) by the time I was 40, so that would've meant cracking on, if No. 3 was on the agenda.

In the end, we called it quits after 2. By the time I actually got my body fully back to myself aged 38, I just wasn't prepared to go back into the fray again. And I just couldn't face the sleep deprivation again! Not in my very late 30s.

Hats off to others, though. My BF had her second a month after she turned 40 (she did feel she was too old for it). And my cousin had her second just a couple of months shy of 42. I think early 40s is absolutely within the realms of normal these days. So it's just up the individual as to what's right for them.

ButterflyOfFreedom · 22/03/2015 07:08

My personal cut off point was 35 (I had my last DC at 34).

However, I have friends who are 35 / 36 who don't yet have children but intend to and see their cut off points as 'around 40'.

quesadillas · 22/03/2015 07:12

Generally I'd say early 40s seems ok in my eyes. For me, who had the first at 34, my cut-off became 38, because that was the biggest age gap I wanted. I'm now 36 and pregnant again, and I'm fairly certain I don't want to do this again.

Mehitabel6 · 22/03/2015 07:14

42 years although I might have stretched a little. I managed it by 40 which was fine- I have never felt old as a mother because it was so common. It was the young mother who felt out of place at the school gate.

davidjrmum · 22/03/2015 07:24

I had our dc at 21, 33 and 42 and I'm now nearly 50. We had fertility problems so having a baby over 40 wasn't something we planned. Something I appreciate now but didn't appreciate in my early 40s is that how you feel aged 41/42 is completely different physically and mentally from how you feel in your late forties with a still fairly young child. In my early 40s I still felt as fit as I did in my 30s and I still related to other mums who were in their late 20s or 30s. Now that I'm now nearly 50 there is no doubt that I don't have the energy I had in my 30s and I don't feel I have much in common at all with the other mums in the playground (beyond the obvious of having a child the same age). Having said that, I think we're good parents - we have a lot more patience now, we feel confident about how we do things, we've got a lot of life experience to draw on when things go wrong etc. But still, I think it would be preferable to have children younger if you can (I remember thinking when I was younger that I wanted the last one at 35 and I think that probably is about right).

Murphy29 · 22/03/2015 07:25

Personally, 30 is mine. We had DS a week after I turned 28 (DH also 28) but that was after 2 years of recurrent mc so I'm acutely aware that life doesn't go to plan but I can't see us having another as it's just too risky for us (my body is shit at being pregnant).

We both went to uni for 4 years then 3 years of professional exams whilst working so the career doesn't have to stop marriage and babies in 20s IME.

Pengweng · 22/03/2015 07:26

Personally 35 is my cut off but in general I would say 45. Everyone in my family (granny, aunties, mum, sister) all had their first kid before the age of twenty. So the fact I didn't have any until I was 27 (nearly 28) made me feel really old when in reality only two of my friends have kids so far. I did have twins though so even though I'm only 30 I feel 50 hahahaha. I don't want any more kids though so my number is not even relevant.

yanniwoo · 22/03/2015 07:27

Judging by the women in one side of my family - 45.
Judging by the other side of the family - 25.

I'm 31 with a 10.5yo DD and feel my time has passed as far as having more is concerned

GoooRooo · 22/03/2015 07:30

I said 40, but it took me five years to conceive my son and I had him at 37. Then at 39 I fell pregnant and miscarried. I wasn't ready to give up on a second child so am now 40 and pregnant again and will just have turned 41 when this one is born. If I miscarrying again (I'm 13 weeks so I really hope not) then we won't try again. The risks are just getting too big for me to be comfortable with it any older than this but I will be very sad about it.

Pengweng · 22/03/2015 07:34

Oh and my mum was a granny at 36! At the time I didn't think it was that shocking but now I'm older I can't bloody imagine having a child old enough to make me a granny at that age.

MisForMumNotMaid · 22/03/2015 07:37

50 as an absolute cut off for me with the theory you can retire when they're 18. 45 as the sensible sort of cut off, but its all nominal depending on how an individual feels.

Tealady1983 · 22/03/2015 07:38

My personal cut off point was 30! I had my ds at 24 and said if no more by 30 then am not trying past that age. Dd was born a month before my 30th birthday. Grin
I do believe it's a very personal choice and as long as it feels right to you and your family then go for it

Eastpoint · 22/03/2015 07:38

I think 42, I'm late 40s now and I feel ancient compared to the women 10 years younger than me who I see taking their children into reception. Maybe having a child in your 40s keeps you young?

LaLaLaaaa · 22/03/2015 07:40

Pregnant with my first and will turn 35 just before it is due. Don't feel old, don't look old and most people I meet at antenatal classes are same age or older than me! So I think it depends on the person - how fit you feel, your circumstances.

We couldn't have afforded to have a baby before, then it took 2 years to conceive. I plan to have at least one more after this and will probably be about 36/37 hopefully. My sister in law is pregnant at 40 and looks brilliant.

Those who think 35 is old either partied too hard in their 20s or are still very young themselves!

LaChatte · 22/03/2015 07:42

Biologically? 35

Personally? 30

With hindsight? 25

MerryKat · 22/03/2015 07:42

My cut off was 30. Had first at 22 so want my 40s and 50s for me to do all the stuff you were doing in your 20s! (Well some of it anyway!)

Daisy17 · 22/03/2015 07:46

Re not getting on with an older mum - I think that's entirely down to personality, health etc. I had DS at 35 and am pregnant with DC2 due in May at 39. Both pregnancies have been absolutely fine and I'm a very immature young 39, still happy to get on the floor and play trains or bounce on the bed or hare around the park. It's the right time in MY life to be the best mum. Everyone has a different point for that, I reckon. In answer to OP my cut off has probably always been 45, purely because after that it seems very difficult toachieve biologically for most women.

Daisy17 · 22/03/2015 07:47

Strike out fail!!!!

GoooRooo · 22/03/2015 07:48

birdingwidow it might not take you as long the next time. It took me five years the first time. 18 months the second (but I miscarried) then 8 months this time. All natural conceptions.

GatoNaranja · 22/03/2015 07:49

This is really interesting.

I had mine at 28 & 29 and am actually pleased I did. I sometimes wish I'd spent another few years bc 'knowing myself' and being with DH however now that they are 10 & 11 and really easy I'm pleased to be not (quite) yet 40 and in the last few years have been able to turn my thoughts and attention more towards my career and personal development such as rediscovering hobbies and qualifying in a new industry.

If my two leave home at 18, then I will be just 47 when my youngest does. Dh and I plan to buy a camper van and go travelling then!

I must admit though that as my 40th is starting to dawn (personal cut off point was 37 for several years but since turning 37 is now 40!) I am starting to become aware that the choice of having a third is now slipping away and coming to terms with that is a bit sad. I do have a lot to be grateful for, but it is niggling me nonetheless. I won't have another as we have a good and busy life but I may grieve a little for the one I didn't have.

Sorry, veered off subject a little. Just needed to write it down Smile

GladysTheGolem · 22/03/2015 07:50

My personal (just for me, no one else) cut off is 30.
Dh is older and he struggles with the nightfeeds, can't imagine how tiring a pregnancy must feel at 40+.

However, having struggled ttc, whenever a woman/couple decide they've had enough time trying etc.
I wouldn't judge a 50yr old for adopting/fostering so I'm not going to judge them for getting pregnant.

sandgrown · 22/03/2015 07:53

Had a surprise baby at 45 after a 21 year gap! We had stopped being "careful" assuming I would not get pregnant.( silly I know).DS is dearly loved by us and siblings. I had a good pregnancy once all the tests were out of the way. On the down side all my friend's children were grown up so while on mat leave it was a bit lonely sometimes. I worried about DS having "old" parents but he is fine and we do more with him and GC than many younger parents. We were well prepared when the GC started arriving soon after. I think nature tells you when to stop but appreciate people with fertility problems want to keep trying

pickledparsnip · 22/03/2015 07:54

Personally my cut off is 35. I had my boy when I was 25, and am now 31. I did feel pretty young at the time, but am now pleased I had him at the age I did. I moved out at 16. did huge amount of partying (I started young) and went to uni.

I can't imagine being able to handle the sleepless night 10 years on from now. They nearly killed me at 25 (son woke up every hour til past 2).

Now I'm in my early 30s I feel like I am getting my life back. Ds is at school and i have set up a little business.

I know I'll get flamed, but I think 54 is way top old to be having a baby. I cannot imagine the heartache of wanting a baby and it not being possible, but surely there must be a point where you have to accept it? Personally I think it is selfish. 60 with a 6 year old? They will lose their parents much earlier, so many downsides.

Icimoi · 22/03/2015 07:55

I know someone who had a baby at 54, with help, after several miscarriages. Baby was and is fine. The mother is one of those frighteningly energetic women and is still working at 72.

hiccupgirl · 22/03/2015 07:55

I had my one and only at 37 after 3 yrs of trying. Once I reached 40 I didn't want to try again so I'd say a cut off of 40 personally. But everyone feels differently.

As for not getting on with older parents, my mum had me at 25 but was very old fashioned and wasn't interested in any modern trends. I never felt we got on because she was a younger parent. DH's parents were 36 and 42 when he was born and they made far more effort to show interest in what he wanted to do than my parents did. So def personality rather than age I think.