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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DP's comments or is he an arse?

107 replies

BlueBananas · 20/03/2015 18:17

DP was on the phone to one of his friends earlier and he is quite a loud talker when on the phone so I could hear most of his side of the conversation
He was asking said friend whether he was still seeing a girl, was telling the friend she was good looking and potential material for 'wife-ing off' then said "actually it's a shame she's not a bit older or I'd take her off you myself"
I'm massively offended and more upset than pissed off by this, he said it was just lads banter and I shouldn't take everything so seriously, then said it's probably just the hormones that are making me a bit sensitive (I'm pregnant - 1st trimester)
I think I'm not hormonal, over sensitive or taking things too seriously he is just a disrespectful arsehole who came out of that conversation looking like a bit of a pervert aswell
We are at a stand off, I'm throwing it out to the MN jury - AIBU or is he being a knob?

OP posts:
Discopanda · 20/03/2015 18:20

He sounds like a knob.

Nolim · 20/03/2015 18:20

It is just a stupid comment. Let it go.

UghReally · 20/03/2015 18:21

he's a knob.

DidoTheDodo · 20/03/2015 18:23

Knob. I'd be seriously unimpressed by this sort of comment and I am most certainly not pregnant.

HicDraconis · 20/03/2015 18:28

He's an arse. If my dh suggested that he'd "take a woman himself" I'd be livid. And showing him the door for at least a few days. It shows a complete lack of respect for women especially you.

Eebahgum · 20/03/2015 18:29

I guess it probably depends what he's like usually. If dp said this I wouldn't mind at all. But I have a friend who would be really devastated if her dh said this.

LadyBlaBlah · 20/03/2015 18:30

"take her off you myself"

That is gross, like women can be passed around without any actual say in it and he is god-like irresistible.

What an arsehole he is.

ByTheWishingWell · 20/03/2015 18:31

Knob. I have noticed that knobs often use the phrase 'lads banter' to excuse their knobbish behaviour. Agree it is disrespectful to women in general, and especially hurtful to you.

AnyFucker · 20/03/2015 18:33

knob with very little respect for women

woollytights · 20/03/2015 18:34

By all means tell him you're not impressed, but don't bloody pack his bags over it!

siblingrevelryagain · 20/03/2015 18:34

Only you can judge-if he's usually a bellend and actually meant if then yanbu.

However, if he's usually a decent, respectful person who made an inappropriate and not funny comment I'd not be bothered.

Penguito · 20/03/2015 18:35

He's a knob. What makes him just assume she would want him. 'Id take her off your hands' - if she had any sense she would run in the other direction. She's a woman not a bloody dog.

Mrsstarlord · 20/03/2015 18:35

Knob for a number of reasons but sounds like not deliberately knoblike

JennyOnTheBlocks · 20/03/2015 18:35

what a charmer Hmm

does he always talk about women as possessions?

Totality22 · 20/03/2015 18:35

What did he plan to do with her when he had "taken her off his mates hands"?- and what did he plan to do with you??

I know it's "just" banter but it's a stupid and ignorant thing to say and no wonder you are pissed off.

DoJo · 20/03/2015 18:36

I'd take her off you myself

That shows a lack of respect for everyone involved - you, his friend and the poor woman who he is objectifying in such a depressingly misogynist manner.

CarlPoppa · 20/03/2015 18:37

My friend regularly jokes that she'd sleep with my ex. I wouldn't read into the comment in that

"like women can be passed around without any actual say in it and he is god-like irresistible."

Think thats taking it a bit too far.

OP I wouldn't be impressed with that comment either, if its a one off and he's not usually like that then just try to let it go

TRexingInAsda · 20/03/2015 18:37

Wow - total fucking knob. If anything, you being pregnant makes him more of a knob, as culturally, pregnant women are supposed to be cared for and protected. Even awful cunts are nice to pregnant women (well most of them)! What on earth was he thinking saying that. Twat. x

ApocalypseThen · 20/03/2015 18:39

I'd be fuming and I certainly wouldn't let him off with the banter explanation. Basically, he has no respect for you or for the other woman. Her owner, though? All courtesies due to him performed.

ImperialBlether · 20/03/2015 18:40

A knob without even the advantage of being funny.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 20/03/2015 18:41

Ugh. I'd really be put off if my DP said things like that.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 20/03/2015 18:44

Is he that confident that he thinks he can have anybody?

seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 18:49

Yanbu he is a knob to assume hr could just have her. Total disrespect. Disrespectful to you, implying he would trade you in.

However he isn't usually a knob. I would let it go.

TheCraicDealer · 20/03/2015 18:55

Agree with Carl. I could see myself saying something similar to my friends and I'd know if I heard DBoyfriend saying it that he was joking.

I told a colleague today that I disliked someone I have to deal with so much I could strangle them with my bare hands. I don't mean that, clearly joking- I wouldn't survive long in prison. I don't know your DP but I think it would be unlikely he'd leave his pregnant partner if your woman was actually older, or that he'd let you overhear it if there was any truth/intent behind the statement.

But you're pregnant and it doesn't take a fucking genius to realise you're probably not feeling at your most alluring/best right now- it's not on to be carrying on like that. He should apologise for being so insensitive. It would be the same if he was aware of you struggling with your weight or anything else.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/03/2015 18:57

It's massively disrespectful, nasty and misogynistic. He then defends himself by blaming you for being a silly woman with silly hormones, nice.