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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opinions please?

64 replies

Pinot4me · 20/03/2015 12:57

I have a friend. She's lovely. Works full time, married, doesn't appear short of money. Here's the issue: without fail, every time she comes to my home she asks me for something. Last night, as she was leaving she asked if I had any crisps for her child's lunchbox, the time before it was shampoo, the time before that it was plasters. The list goes on. They're all petty things but I'm embarrassed to say no. I find it a really odd thing to deal with....AIBU? should I just ignore it and carry on 'sharing' my stuff? In all other areas she's a good friend!

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 20/03/2015 13:01

How odd. I think you need to get over yiur embarrassment and say no.

"Sorry I don't have x but Im sure Sainsburys are still open"

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 13:02

Do you think there is a chance she is in an abusive relationship and unable to access money?

SmellsLikeSurgicalSpirit · 20/03/2015 13:05

It's very odd!

Have you tried "Oh! crisps/plasters/shampoo/whatever she asks for - I knew there was something I needed to pick up, I've run out. Thanks for reminding me!"Smile

It would get very obvious, very quickly though.Hmm

cleanmyhouse · 20/03/2015 13:08

Abusive relationship 2 comments in. Surely a record.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 20/03/2015 13:10

It's quite possible not sure what's so wrong with someone suggesting it?

Titsalinabumsquash · 20/03/2015 13:14

When you say she doesn't appear short of money, are you sure it's not a brave face put on?
I have been in a position many years ago where I was living with my ex and DS1, pregnant with DS2 and we had so little moe y it was unreal, you would never have thought it from an outside view though.
Could she have massive debt or similar?

Original poster
Pinot4me · 20/03/2015 13:14

Thanks for your responses. I'm pretty sure (well, as sure as I can be) she's not in an abusive relationship. I've always thought it's because she's a busy mum, full time job etc so it's easier to ask me than go to the shop. She's not 'tight' at all. For example last night, when she arrived, she bought a bottle of wine with her...
It's ridiculous really, but it's really beginning to bug me!
In most walks of life, I'd head something like this but, because she's such a good friend, it feels awkward. I guess, I just need to 'man up' and so no in future!

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 20/03/2015 13:17

You only need to say no if you need to though.

I mean what harm is a bag of crisps? Friendships are about give and take IMO.

SaucyJack · 20/03/2015 13:18

I'm quite sure it's nothing more sinister than her asking you because it's easier than popping to the shop. Lazy cah.

Just say you don't have any spare x, y or z. Repeat until she gets the message.

Original poster
Pinot4me · 20/03/2015 13:22

Tbh, quite likely, that's how I've been thinking....guess it's just a quirk in her character - there are worse problems in the world. I feel a bit petty now!
saucy jack Pmsl @ lazy cah!!!

OP posts:
ihatelego · 20/03/2015 13:24

a bit strange, you could try to broach the subject with her just dropping in a lighthearted comment like "how have you ended up without crisps" in a joke sort of way or something similar, you don't want to lose a good friend over lending little things though as there may be a very valid reason

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 20/03/2015 13:28

have you ever said no? maybe she has some weird thing that means she has to leave everywhere with a 'souvenir'

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 13:34

I remember a thread a while ago where a woman posted saying she was in an abusive relationship, she wasn't allowed new clothes for her, money for kids etc. She was having to beg off friends. It happens!

Bowlersarm · 20/03/2015 13:43

If she's generous in other ways such as buying wine, then maybe it all evens out cost wise? A bottle of wine is much more expensive than a couple of bags of crisps. I think I'd let it go or say, go and buy some yourself, I'm not a shop! - but risk her thinking how stingy you are as you say she isn't tight.

Original poster
Pinot4me · 23/05/2015 19:08

I've posted on this old thread so that I don't have to go into a back story. My friend has got worse and worse and is still constantly asking me for stuff......she was here last week, "Did I have any ibuprofen" (her son was unwell) I said no, sorry, "did I have any paracetamol then"? I said I did but I only had a couple and wanted to keep them here, in case I needed them, (it was 6pm so supermarkets open). I feel ridiculous! There is never a time, when I'm with her, when she doesn't ask me for something - it's ruining how I feel about her! The time before she asked for wrapping paper. Its endless! We were away overnight last week, 4 of us (girls) in 2 rooms....did I have any hairspray, mascara, perfume? Then to top it all, she asked me for the freebie shampoos from our room (different to hers) It's driving me nuts! She isn't hard up...pays her way at the bar, restaurant etc....I know, in the scale of things, it's not a massive problem but.....ggggrrhhhh! AIBU? How would you handle it? Advise welcome...

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 23/05/2015 19:12

If it's gone on this long I think you should raise it with her. what else can you do really? Once or twice and I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but this seems a definite pattern.

VelvetRose · 23/05/2015 19:13

That is unusual I'll admit! Not quite sure why someone would do that so frequently though.

Quitelikely · 23/05/2015 19:16

Is she disorganised?

Even so, I would just say no, sorry in the future and move the conversation on quickly. Failing that, perhaps you could have it out with her? I don't think you have much to lose really.....

Fatmomma99 · 24/05/2015 12:31

I agree with others, I think. Although I don't think I'd talk to her about it, because it's about such trivial things, you'd come across as mean or picky. I vote for "no, sorry, I need [item]" and move conversation quickly on.

If there is an underlying issue, let her bring it up with you.

Good luck.

Littleen · 24/05/2015 12:43

Maybe she's a cleptomaniac who is trying to be good by asking for stuff rather than stealing?

Feminine · 24/05/2015 13:25

It is very unusual.
No wonder you're done in.
I think you could reply "no, not this time"
Each occasion she nags for something...

HappenstanceMarmite · 24/05/2015 14:43

Tight and/or lazy. Bet she frames it "Can i just have some crisps/shampoo/other item (that will save me buying it you mug)?"

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/05/2015 14:45

She's not short of money, well ain't gonna be is she using other people's. She's certainly not soft is she

MavisG · 24/05/2015 14:49

If it's pissing you off you may as well ask her about it. 'Mate, I'm not being funny, but you always ask me for stuff. Why?'

cleanmyhouse · 24/05/2015 14:53

She's fine finacially because she uses all of your stuff and never has to buy it.

Just say no. over and over.

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