to not want an evening do at our wedding?

[pinningwobble]

finding wedding planning a minefield that I (perhaps naively) did not think it would be. latest drama is DH to be and me don't want an evening reception.
reasons:

1. our budget is relatively small - we could stretch to £5000 max
2. I have a health condition that means I can't stay awake very late - I'm usually knackered by 10.
3. DH to be has been married before and has already had a big fancy party-wedding, so isn't bothered about having another one
4. neither of us are really party people...i don't drink due to health issues and I find it difficult being around massive groups of people for long periods of time.

My perfect wedding would be a ceremony at about 11, followed by an afternoon meal/afternoon tea. However everyone I have spoken to expresses shock that I would even consider not having an evening do and has says it will be really boring without one. DSIL says the only reason people attend weddings is for the big party. AIBU in not wanting one?

It's your wedding, you can have whatever you like

And it sounds really lovely

Absolutely rubbish. It's about sharing your day with people you want to, how you want to. In fact we went to an early service plus lunch wedding recently, it was lovely. A refreshing change in fact!! Enjoy.

YANBU at all. It sounds lovely. And it's your wedding so you do what you want. Not what anyone else expects. Why on earth would it be boring?!

Its your wedding- you can have it as you like. People who genuinely want to share your happy day will just be glad to be there! Do what you want to do!

Yanbu at all.

I am getting married in may.we have an 11pm ceremony followed by lunch at Pizza express it's a two min walk from registry office and there will be loads of kids. No evening due, dp and I will be catching a train to go for two nights away with no kids!

No one has commented on the lack of an evening due.

Have the day the way you both want and don't listen to anyone else. If others want a party tell them to party on while you and DP spend the rest of the day the way you both want.

Your first mistake is in consulting/sharing ideas with anyone. Our wedding was a bit unconventional in places, but we worked out what we wanted, booked it all and then told people 'this is what is happening'. It worked out brilliantly, everyone said what a fun relaxed wedding it was and I didn't get stressed out with nitpickers in advance!

I think it sounds great! I'm not a big party person either. We did have an evening do but I think my friends enjoyed it more than I did. Not that that is necessarily bad but I felt almost like I missed out on the party of the year at my own wedding, as the description of the great evening they had was so not up my street if I'm honest. If I did it again I wouldn't bother with the party again.

I'd be delighted to be invited to a wedding without an evening do. No hanging around in that awkward time between reception and evening do. No need for an expensive overnight hotel. No spending a chunk of the following day travelling home.

I'd count myself very lucky if I could enjoy a lovely ceremony and meal, still be home in my own bed by 10.00pm and still have the whole of the next day free.

Went to a gorgeous wedding on a boat. they'd hired a cruising what have you, took 30 fiends /family, did meal and speeches and the boat docked about 5 and we all went home nobody felt short changed. Lovely! You should do what you want.

That is exactly the kind of wedding I would like. I cannot stand the prolonged mingling and small talk with relatives you barely know over music which is too loud!
Your wedding, your money, you should do exactly what makes you happy.

OMG You dare to break with convention?!

That's the real problem

Mine was not conventional. (For one thing, we didnt have a big evening bash.) Dh and I loved it and our guests enjoyed it, two of them even magpied ideas from it for their wedding!

Your guests come to your wedding to witness it, support you, and share your joy. Have your wedding the way you want.

ah spot the typo. A wedding with 30 fiends would have been even more memorable

As others said, it's your day to celebrate as you wish.

FWIW when I got married (after 10 years and 2 dc), we had a registry office wedding at 3pm then off to an old hotel (historic coaching inn, slightly faded grandeur, loved it) in town for a 5 course meal. Just me, H, dcs and immediate family. Family left at 10, taking dcs with them, and H and I stayed at the hotel for the night.

I lost a friend because of it as she was upset not to have been invited, but I wouldn't have changed it. It was our day, and your wedding is yours.

We didn't have an evening do. Dinner at dinner time, quiet drinks unofficially afterwards, gave guests list of local clubs (city centre ). Nobody said anything but if they had I wouldn't have cared because it suited us.

thank you for all your responses, you have made me feel better. jonty yes you could be right, people were just asking about it so I said what it was.

that is kind of my attitude to, that people who genuinely want to share in our day will come and enjoy it whatever we do. I just don't see the point in blowing loads of money on a party I know I won't be comfortable with!

had comments on everything, to the kind of dress I want, to the fact I don't want to wear heels, to the fact that I want my little brother to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad...

As everyone has said, it's your wedding, have it as you wish.

Will any of your guests be travelling a significant distance?

hahaha, 30 fiends, great typo!!!!

I think it sounds a lovely idea. Never mind what other people think, they can all find a pub afterwards if they want to carry on!

I had a morning registry office, followed by drinks and photos at home and a meal for 25 people and an evening party. I didn't want the fussy day do or speeches etc. It kept our budget under £5k too. Some people grumbled about that too, but they got over it. We bought a horse instead of having the daytime do. He is still munching hay in our stables seven years on!

We didn't have an evening do. We had exactly what my parents had and my grandparents - wedding at 1pm followed by afternoon 'sit down' reception. By 7pm we were in a lovely hotel enjoying a delicious dinner.

See we have been together 17 years and have the 5madthings. We didn't tell anyone we were planning a wedding. Just booked it all and then sent out invites. Limited numbers like you and the first people knew about it was when they got the invite. They were all just so thrilled we're finally getting married there was no mention of lack of evening due.

We had one complaint re venue for lunch but we said the day is about the kids as well and it's a good restaurant for them. End of discussion!

Didn't bother with an evening do. Main reason is that I wanted to spend the evening with my new husband [shock horror] and much as I love my extended family, 4 hours small talk is enough for anybody.

It's great that you are both in agreement with what you want. I think you should both stick to it.

I've been married twice. The first time I did the whole massive wedding, party and after party (was nearly dead by 2am).

The second time cost around £300 (if that). We had a 1pm registry office wedding with immediate family only. We went straight to a carvery and had a relaxed meal and a few drinks.

Then courtesy of the inlaws we slipped away to a honeymoon suite at a local hotel for the night.

We had dinner, a few drinks and were tucked up in bed by 10pm. DH fell asleep in my arms and I watched the Eurovision song contest!!

But I wouldn't have changed it for the world. 11 years on and it still makes me smile.

Oh yes and we had breakfast at McDonalds and popped into Wilkinsons to buy some garden shears before heading home

Been married nearly 40 years.

Had a big registry office do (complicated reasons!), so no white wedding dress. Lovely formal lunch (because that's what my dad wanted, he was paying and we were happy. Sat around after for a while chatting. There was a bar and tea/coffee.

Left around 5 to go on honeymoon. No idea what everyone else did!

Some guests had travelled a distance down from the north, but no-one seemed to mind.

There are no rules about what you must do in that respect!

Oh I'm so glad you've said all these things, it's made me much more confident in my choice! My family have generally been very supportive, it's some friends and extended family who have made the comments.

I did think it was 'our' day but that attitude seems to be frowned upon in some circles. when one of my friends got married she was desperate to have a tea-length dress. her mother banned her from having one because it wasn't traditional?!