to not want an evening do at our wedding?

[pinningwobble]

finding wedding planning a minefield that I (perhaps naively) did not think it would be. latest drama is DH to be and me don't want an evening reception.
reasons:

1. our budget is relatively small - we could stretch to £5000 max
2. I have a health condition that means I can't stay awake very late - I'm usually knackered by 10.
3. DH to be has been married before and has already had a big fancy party-wedding, so isn't bothered about having another one
4. neither of us are really party people...i don't drink due to health issues and I find it difficult being around massive groups of people for long periods of time.

My perfect wedding would be a ceremony at about 11, followed by an afternoon meal/afternoon tea. However everyone I have spoken to expresses shock that I would even consider not having an evening do and has says it will be really boring without one. DSIL says the only reason people attend weddings is for the big party. AIBU in not wanting one?

sounds like you've got some great hints on who not to invite, which should help the budget. Leave these people out of it, if they find out and complain remind that they said it would be boring.

do what YOU want and enjoy. It is only a part of one day of your life.

Plenty of other places to go and party then!

Have a lovely day pinning

My db is getting married later this year it is mid afternoon registry office then on to a lovely venue foe a buffet meal and all over by 7. It's going to be lovely. If some of the family who have travelled long distances want we will probably go back to someone's house for a nice cup of tea

My son got married in 2011 at 1pm in church then had an afternoon tea by way of reception, the couple left to go off for a few days and I had an open house serving a buffet meal for anyone that wanted to continue the party.

Do what YOU want.

A lot of American weddings are like this, I think.

This is true. American weddings don't usually have two receptions, so a daytime wedding would end in the daytime. Americans usually have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding but fewer people than the full guest list are invited to this.

One of the nicest weddings I ever attended was at 11 in the morning, followed by a nice brunch, with music and dancing. We were all on our way by 3 pm.

YANBU! One lesson I learnt from my own wedding was that you shouldn't let anyone talk you into anything! What I would suggest is finding a nice pub/bar for after the afternoon tea/dinner and you could join people for an hour, then head off early when you and your husband want to, and leave everyone else to party on. I didn't think we would be having a proper party after our dinner reception but a friend took over my spotify account and it ended up being awesome. Everyone had a great time, but our reception venue had that all set up and we didn't actually end up paying more for it.

the lesson I learned from mine was you can't please everyone anyhow, so stuff 'em and do it how you want to.

We didn't have an evening do. I was 37 weeks when we married and absolutely exhausted. My mum tried to pressure me but I stood firm. We stayed in a hotel and were in bed by 10.30. We had our wedding at 11.30 am. A buffet style reception was organised in a local pub and my mums friend who is a dj cracked out the karaoke which was a big laugh. A lot of guests said it was the most relaxed and fun wedding they'd been to. In fact that was too fancy for me. I just wanted to turn up, get wed and go for a meal somewhere. I had to be pursuaded to have flowers and a cake. Do what you want to do. I would love to go to a wedding that was fuss free. If I can get away without going I will.

When our daughter got married at 1.00pm, the reception finished at 6.00pm and that was it. Some people had travelled 300 miles so found that they had only half a day. I knew this in advance though and planned a do at home directly after my daughter's reception for all our side of the family (about 80 people), some of whom had travelled a long distance and were staying at a local hotel. Caterers had been into our house while we were at the wedding and reception and left a lot of buffet type food and we already had the drinks ready anyway. The house would have been too small for that number of people so we hired a marquee for the garden. Everyone happy.

If you read this the way I meant it, my daughter did not come to the evening do on her wedding day. She and her husband pushed off for their honeymoon at 6.00pm. I just catered for the evening for those with nothing to do for the rest of the day so perhaps your mother or other relative could do that bit and you don't have to go to it.

Sounds very similar to our situation a few years back. dh had been married before so we had a small wedding at 11, onto nice local restaurant for lunch then local bar for a few drinks before heading off to a hotel, less than thirty guests.

Hell mend the naysayers. You get to decide the type of wedding you have not, you're not bound by the rules of grumpy guests and bridal magazines.

If I was a guest and fancied a bit more of a knees up afterwards (and I probably would) I'd just gather the troops and head on to a pub somewhere.

Just let people know in advance that it's going to be a quiet affair. I could see it would be disappointing if someone was all set for a day of revelry to be told it would all be over at 5pm.

Definitely agree with that, squoosh - make sure you let them know it's all over early, OP!

Squoosh personally I would be overjoyed but there you go!!

Yes I would of course say in the invite.

Well i'm planning to get married with no guests other than my kids and have no party, meal or anything afterwards! Such a joy i am.

Not even a teeny tiny celebratory sandwich or a thimble of champagne?

DH and I had a registry office do at 11.30, then a buffet meal at our house. That was it. It was the best day of my life. do whatever you want to do.

When I get married it will be a registry office with less than ten guests. Then off for a meal afterwards with guests. No fuss, no party. Perfect

Love the sound of it OP, I'm in London, can I come too? Especially if it includes afternoon tea?!

Do what you want OP, it's your prerogative: Bride&Grooms

People don't like it they can decline.

My brother got married last year on a limited budget; ceremony in village church followed by an afternoon tea we set up in the church rooms (an old stone schoolhouse -£40 a day to rent!!!) and we did all the food ourselves.

They didn't have a night do either and then at 6pm they went on their honeymoon - off to York for 3 days - and we cleared up.

They decided to spend the money on a honeymoon instead - good on them that's what I say!

Do what you wanna do and don't be talked into anything!

YANBU. We get married in a few months and we aren't having an evening do. We are getting married at 4 and then from 5-7 having cake and drinks so we can thank our guests for coming and speak to them, then jetting off on our honeymoon.

A few guests have complained and said "what kind of crap wedding are you having?" But they can shove their invite where the sun doesn't shine. I think some people think that a wedding is an excuse for a party and for them to get pissed when it's not, it's the vows you make that's important. Plus, they're not the ones paying. If anyone wants a party tell them go host one themselves at their own expense

YANBU - just make it clear what your plans are on your invites.

We didn't have an evening do. We got married at midday then spent the afternoon at a posh restaurant in a big private room. Then we all left at about 6 or 7 - it was fab. No one had to arrange accomodation and it felt plenty long enough. I thought it was perfect, it felt intimate and romantic.

Loud music and people drinking just isn't my idea of fun.