to not want an evening do at our wedding?

[pinningwobble]

finding wedding planning a minefield that I (perhaps naively) did not think it would be. latest drama is DH to be and me don't want an evening reception.
reasons:

1. our budget is relatively small - we could stretch to £5000 max
2. I have a health condition that means I can't stay awake very late - I'm usually knackered by 10.
3. DH to be has been married before and has already had a big fancy party-wedding, so isn't bothered about having another one
4. neither of us are really party people...i don't drink due to health issues and I find it difficult being around massive groups of people for long periods of time.

My perfect wedding would be a ceremony at about 11, followed by an afternoon meal/afternoon tea. However everyone I have spoken to expresses shock that I would even consider not having an evening do and has says it will be really boring without one. DSIL says the only reason people attend weddings is for the big party. AIBU in not wanting one?

We didn't want a night do either. We got married at around 11, had a lovely reception, drinks reception and sit down meal.

We then went on honeymoon straight from the reception. We had a big send off, the car was decorated with cans on the back. It was fun

We're doing this, the exact thing you said, and leaving at 5.30 to go on our honeymoon.

The only issue we've had with it is our parents saying that it's unfairvto make people travel a long way just for an hours ceremony.

I can see what they mean, but we're not putting pressure on them to come, so if its too far, they just won't come, or make a day of it.

The people that want a big evening do probably just want to get pissed.

a morning ceremony, afternoon tea and home for scrambled eggs on toast and an early night sounds absolutely lovely to me. many others will feel the same I'm sure.

we didn't have an evening do
ceremony at 2, legal minimum, couple of photos, walked over the road to the pub by 2.45 where we had champagne and a buffet. left around 7 for a hotel.

We didn't have an evening do because we didn't want one. Got married at 11am, afternoon tea style gathering after, people left around 6pm, we were in our hotel by 7pm in our scruffs on our bed opening our cards and gifts, looking at our guest book, people were sending us photos of the day (BIL did the official photography for free as a gift) we ordered pizza and had a bloody fantastic evening. I got to spend it just me and my husband instead of entertaining and paying for people at an evening party.

Also my best friend who'd always wanted the big white wedding all day and all night event ended up crying at 8pm on her wedding day the year before "I got married today but I haven't spent more than 10 minutes with him, this is shit I want to leave."

I nor her DH or her mother could calm her down.

I'd be happy with this now I have small children! And even pre-kids we would just have gone to the pub afterwards. Not a problem if that's what you want. A lot of American weddings are like this, I think.

Absolutely do what you want to OP. We did, much to the distress of a lot of people, my mother especially.

honeyroar bought a horse, I had two new field shelters! .... and a day that we enjoyed.

We once went to a wedding without an evening do, which was talked about scathingly for a long time afterwards. It just sort of fizzled out.

BUT

(1) It was an afternoon wedding.
(2) Nobody knew it was going to finish at 6pm rather than 11pm until we were sort of kicked out at 5.55pm.

I think your wedding plans sound absolutely lovely. Starting early and getting married on a Sunday make perfect sense. Ending the party cleanly (the adult equivalent of "here's your party bag, now fuck off") will round it off nicely.

Just make sure your invitations are clear.

IMHO the evening do where everyone is pissed and lairy is the worst bit.

i didn't have one because we couldn't afford one.

We had just over 40 guests for our registry office wedding, got married at 12 noon and by ten that evening most guests had drifted away. We didn't have an evening do as such. I don't know if anyone thought it disappointing we just look back and know at the time it was what we wanted.

We had a big afternoon hotel wedding - 70 people including loads of kids - about half travelled 200 miles and were staying over locally - wedding at 1, meal at 2, home by 5 - lots came back to the house (packed in like sardines, but who cared!) for a cuppa and cake, kicked them out at 6.30- they all went off to eat where they fancied.

Was a fab day and remembered fondly by many - so you don't need an evening do - even if people travel.

What your DSIL thinks is up to her. It's not her wedding day!

I think the evening part is by far the least fun part of the day, it's the ceremony and catching up with good friends part during the day that I like, the onset of a disco or ceilidh usually has me looking at my watch and wondering how early we can decently leave.

We did not have an evening do, but this was because my now DH did not want one - he hates dancing/ceilidhs. In fact it took him nearly 10 years before he proposed because he really didn't want to have to have wedding at all!

So we had a 12 noon ceremony and then a lunch at a really nice restaurant. It was fine, but I did feel when peope left the lunch it was a bit flat. Also, it meant that we were constrained on numbers, as we could only have 60 max in the restaurant. This mean that people who would have been invited to the evening do could not come (unless they just came and sat in the church ceremony, which parents of some my friends did).

Seems to me though that if this is what you both want just go for it! No one really made any comment to us about why there was no evening do.

oh I'd love a small wedding like that! Ideally I'd like a registry office, afternoon tea on the local steam trains, then a double decker bus to the canals for a party barge till a reasonable bedtime.

But DP has a million family members so it ain't happening.

YANBU.

For our wedding, we did have dinner in the late afternoon, but followed that with just a traditional Irish group having a session in the bar of the country-house hotel, leaving the guests enjoying a sing-song while we disappeared off. No additional invitees at that point, only people who'd been at the ceremony and dinner. And no dancing either. But they all really enjoyed it and the only complaint about no food later was DGran who wanted toast with a cup of tea (and the lovely staff organized that for her anyway). No one needed food later as it was a gorgeous and huge dinner.

It's much harder to persuade people that you want to do something different to the traditional wedding. But it is still your day.

(I know DBro and DSILTB were hoping for a non-traditional party but couldn't arrange what they wanted here, and have had to go back to traditional hotel venue and event. They were gutted).

A friend of mine had a wedding at 1100, then back to her parents' house for lunch in the garden. Waved them off around 5.30 and we all left. Some people moaned that it was a bit off, not having an evening do, but we thought it was lovely - just the right amount of time, no enforced jollity and dancing to the Birdie Song, no tired buffet!

YANBU

It never even crossed our mind to have an evening do.

Married at 12, all done and dusted by about 6.
We had a number of people travelling 1hr-1.5hrs so they could get home at a reasonable time. No hotels required for anyone.
People with invited kids could have a nice day before kids got too tired.
People with uninvited kids (those we didn't know) could get back and only needed 1 day's child-minding not an overnight.

I hate weddings with a gap between reception and evening do. What are you meant to do for that dead 2 hours when you only know about 4 other people?

I'm glad lots of others seem to have done the same as us. No one will be travelling any great distance (furthest away family member is 2 hours drive).

I have to say when I go to weddings it's the party I enjoy least. Feel like it all gets a bit tacky with everyone getting steaming drunk.

I do want delicious food though. Love food.

Go for it, OP. Congratulations.

It's your wedding and you should have it exactly as you want.

For me, I'd prefer an evening do in some shape or form. If I've spent a lot of time and money travelling to a wedding where I will be catching up with people I haven't seen for ages I don't want to be kicked out at teatime! Especially if you're not in a central location so can't carry on eating and drinking somewhere.

Great idea. One of the best weddings I've ever been to was an 11am ceremony followed by a sit down lunch. We left by 5, and a wonderful time was had by all.

YANBU sounds lovely, I would love to go to a wedding like that...no need to find accommodation and can be in bed by a reasonable time, perfect!

Sidge the wedding is in London so no need to worry about not being central!