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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to adjust my language for an adult?

112 replies

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 18:47

I've been on a course for a couple of weeks and have a couple more weeks left. It's a very interactive course with a lot of discussion involved. Around 30 students in total. A very mixed group.

Today, once one of the students left the room, the tutor informed us that the woman had requested he talk to us about our language. Not about swear words, as I'd originally thought he'd meant, but about phrases like 'oh my God' and other exclamations with a biblical theme. It was quite obviously in reaction to one student's frequent use of the phrase which was offending this woman. The tutor told us that this student planned to 'say something' next time anyone said anything like this.

Many of us felt very conscious of offending this student afterwards and some (including myself) felt quite put out by it, struggling to concentrate for a while after.

AIBU to think that as a traditionally Christian country, it's inevitable that biblical terms have become part of our language? And AIBU to think that tolerance works both ways and that though we could all try to avoid saying these things, she shouldn't feel entitled to tell people off for them if they do get said, them not being inherently offensive?

OP posts:

ohmychrist · 19/03/2015 18:48

She's an idiot. Ignore.

Petallic · 19/03/2015 18:58

some Christians consider them blasphemous phrases - my crazy MIL being one of them. To her, saying oh my god or for gods sake is just as bad if not worse than saying "for fucks sake". It's up to you whether you want to accommodate your colleagues request but YABU to not consider that some people do find it inherently offensive even if you don't.

notsolovely · 19/03/2015 19:04

Lots of people find phrases like that, offensive. It is, by the church standards blasphemy. Personally, since its work related I would try to accommodate.

Original poster

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 19:06

Sorry, gave the wrong impression there. It's not work-related. It's a course that we've each paid to attend.

OP posts:

shattered77 · 19/03/2015 19:07

Jeez!

notsolovely · 19/03/2015 19:08

Well I would still try to accommodate. You wouldn't draw a picture of Mohammed, hopefully. To some christians, its the same level.

notsolovely · 19/03/2015 19:10

Just to say personally I do agree, with you.bit should work both ways. I don't personally find it offensive and always say 'oh my god' quite alot. Mum always tells me off. That's why I know some people find blasphemous and very offensive.

RainbowFlutterby · 19/03/2015 19:13

I'd probably make a point of saying "fuck" instead of "god"!

LaurieFairyCake · 19/03/2015 19:13

I would guess it's nothing to do with the phrase and everything to do with attention seeking

When I did training people were always doing this and claimed being sensitive to everything - one woman wouldn't stay in the room if people mentioned children as she'd had a miscarriage, one person wasn't allowed to mention her husband as he was a minister and a member of the group was staunchly atheist.

It was all just attention seeking, it took them 4 years to get the fuck over themselves and stop running out of rooms crying.

notsolovely · 19/03/2015 19:13

Pressed send too soon. I was going to say I don't really know what the right answer is. Perhaps it would be better if it was tackled head on by her. A discussion so you can understand their pov and they understand yours?

notsolovely · 19/03/2015 19:14

Laurie makes an excellent point I hadn't thought of.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/03/2015 19:14

Oh god ive just remembered another. A woman used to run out the room crying if another group member mentioned something that happened at work.

As she got fired from the same industry years before.

Original poster

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 19:19

I was actually willing to have the discussion if she did end up saying anything. I wanted to check I'm not being a complete twat beforehand though!

I felt bad for the tutor...she seemed really uncomfortable saying anything about it at all and (due to her having been saying this type of thing quite frequently) I suspect she felt a bit 'told off' herself.

OP posts:

Original poster

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 19:20

Laurie that's hilarious!

OP posts:

Boofy27 · 19/03/2015 19:24

Laviticus (sp?) says that the blasphemy should be stoned to death. I think that she should either have the courage of her convictions and bring the stone into class or admit that she's a bit half hearted about her faith and let it go.

Effyourshizzup · 19/03/2015 19:26

You really 'can't concentrate' because you can't use this language?!

Generally, I think it's a good rule of thumb to accept that if someone asks you not to use certain words because they find it offensive, to accommodate that. It's hardly going to kill you, is it? And as for tolerance working both ways, well that argument doesn't fly when applied to race / gender / sexuality etc so why apply it here.

Personally I think YABVU.

AliceLidlLovesWindlePoons · 19/03/2015 19:28

I'm not sure about how reasonable or unreasonable she is for making the request, but I don't think the tutor should have pointed out the woman as the complainer.

Boofy27 · 19/03/2015 19:28

blasphemer.

ILovePud · 19/03/2015 19:30

Boofy27 love it! (I'd do a grin but my bracket key is broken)

Original poster

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 19:36

Eff we couldn't concentrate for a while after because we were so conscious of the probability that someone would earn a telling off by the end of the day. The atmosphere was very tense.

OP posts:

RJnomore · 19/03/2015 19:39

I reckon she must spend a huge amount of her life being offended.

My mum was like this, in that I wasn't allowed to say oh my god or christ or even oh heavens but even she wouldn't have dreamt of bringing it up to a group of other adults.

I'd be a bit as well, even more so at Thr tutor accommodating this kind of attention seeking in a paying group.

vdbfamily · 19/03/2015 19:44

I do not generally say anything but I hate it when people say OMG every other sentence and I really hate it if they say Jesus or Christ. It is very offensive to a Christian. Often at work,people say it without thinking and then apologise as they know I am a Christian. It seems so weird to me that it ever became an expression that people use so much.Why do people not say Budda or Mohammed or Shiva or some other god? Why Jesus?

Original poster

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 19:46

I was myself RJ. Tutor, to her credit, was very careful with her wording. Came across as if she was warning us that this student was planning on having words rather than as if she was specifically requesting for us to change how we were speaking.

OP posts:

Original poster

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 19:49

The 'oh my God' woman is a Catholic vbd and I personally know a huge number of Christians who speak like this themselves, so I don't think it's right to state that it's offensive to Christians as a whole.

OP posts:

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 19/03/2015 19:53

My mother was like this, to the point I (agnostic) will often correct myself and say 'oh my goodness', like some bloody willowy Southern Belle. Thing is, she (my mum), hardly set foot in church (fire hazard I think). Then again, she used to go spare for putting new shoes on the table or opening an umbrella indoors, maybe she was covering all bases.

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