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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to adjust my language for an adult?

112 replies

CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 18:47

I've been on a course for a couple of weeks and have a couple more weeks left. It's a very interactive course with a lot of discussion involved. Around 30 students in total. A very mixed group.

Today, once one of the students left the room, the tutor informed us that the woman had requested he talk to us about our language. Not about swear words, as I'd originally thought he'd meant, but about phrases like 'oh my God' and other exclamations with a biblical theme. It was quite obviously in reaction to one student's frequent use of the phrase which was offending this woman. The tutor told us that this student planned to 'say something' next time anyone said anything like this.

Many of us felt very conscious of offending this student afterwards and some (including myself) felt quite put out by it, struggling to concentrate for a while after.

AIBU to think that as a traditionally Christian country, it's inevitable that biblical terms have become part of our language? And AIBU to think that tolerance works both ways and that though we could all try to avoid saying these things, she shouldn't feel entitled to tell people off for them if they do get said, them not being inherently offensive?

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 19/03/2015 20:42

Carry on then.

poocatcherchampion · 19/03/2015 20:46

But if she asked you nicely it would be nice to respect her wishes, no?

These days I find swearing in the workplace most offensive, I don't ask people not to but I wish they didn't. Likewise blasphemy.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 19/03/2015 20:48

I've never understood why 'oh my God' is considered blaspheming anyway.

You're not calling God a cunt are you? What's the problem.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2015 20:50

Effy I disagree. Blasphemy is a religious construct. I absolutely wouldn't make a religious person blaspheme because they believe it is wrong for them to do it. It is not wrong for me to do it because it's not blasphemy to me. I don't brush insects out of my path because I don't believe in reincarnation. Should a monk be able to tell me I have to because he believes in reincarnation? Religious observation is for the religious. We don't all have to join in.

CalleighDoodle · 19/03/2015 20:57

Yes it is blasphemy. It is also quite immature to be using in a formal setting.

Fairenuff · 19/03/2015 20:58

If I was doing something that offended someone else, I would stop doing it.

I don't understand the dilemma.

HirplesWithHaggis · 19/03/2015 20:58

"Oh my God" etc is blaspheming because you are taking the Lord's name in vain. You're distracting Him by using his name, when his attention is better focussed on more important stuff, like sending floods to coastal villages because two people with the same type of genitals have publically declared their love.

Totally agree that only a believer can blaspheme. If I say, "Oh, my God!" I might be addressing Thor. Or Zeus. Or someone else less busy than Jehovah.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/03/2015 20:58

There's plenty about the intrusion of religion into public life that I find deeply offensive, but I'm pretty certain I have to suck that up!

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 19/03/2015 20:58

"Oh dear"
"Oh my word"
"Oh fiddlesticks"

Problem sorted. I find it hard to believe you were so put out at not being able to use phrases such as "OMG" that you were unable to concentrate. I mean, seriously? Hmm

Boofy27 · 19/03/2015 21:00

I totally understand that not blaspheming is an article of faith for some Christains, however, I'm not a Christian and requiring me to adhere to their religious observances is unreasonable and could be compared to not being allowed a prawn sandwich or to go about with my head uncovered.

Effyourshizzup · 19/03/2015 21:04

Fairenuff has said what I was trying to.

I really can't understand why so many people think it is reasonable to continue in a behaviour, which is of no consequence to you, when you know it is offensive to someone else.

CarlaVeloso · 19/03/2015 21:06

I would never comment on another person saying it but I loathe hearing people say "Oh my god". It's particularly dreadful to my ears to hear a child say it. But I know people don't think about it and it's just become everyday speak for many. I guess it's not blasphemous if you're not religious. Same way it's not blasphemous for me to draw a picture of Mohammed as I'm not a Muslim.

Could you just not say it? Are you very attached to it? I imagine it would grate on me if I had to spend all day with someone who said OMG all day.

Of course, it's your right to say what you want, I suppose.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2015 21:08

If I was doing something that offended someone else, I would stop doing it. There are plenty of people in this world who find a woman driving, thinking, speaking, laughing, BFing, having her hair/eyes/breasts on show, being educated, working offensive. They can, respectfully, go fuck themselves. I have reservations about Stephen Fry but he's right about that.

Certainly, I will stop doing something, under advisement, that causes me no distress of any kind, if it causes distress to another person. But not doing something because someone finds it offensive? Nah.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/03/2015 21:09

I really can't understand why so many people think it is reasonable to continue in a behaviour, which is of no consequence to you, when you know it is offensive to someone else.

Probably because people don't think before they say "Oh my god", and it's a very common expression of surprise or shock, so having to check what you're saying all the time t accommodate one person's interpretation of the requirements of their faith would get pretty tedious, I'd imagine.

miniavenger · 19/03/2015 21:13

'Oh my hairy bollocks'

Just try to avoid saying it, if someone says it a lot and now stop doing so, say something else or really cut out saying it then she'll see they (and anyone else) is trying. If she has a hissy fit if the student slips up then, then that's her issue.

Effyourshizzup · 19/03/2015 21:19

Sorry, MrsTP, but that argument doesn't work. The ability of a women to drive / work / be educated, directly affects the woman involved. The OP is hardly being inconvenienced by being asked to say 'oh my goodness' instead of 'oh my god'.

Surely if you've been asked, nicely, to use a different turn of phrase, it is not unreasonable to do so. I wouldn't expect anyone to check first if people found it offensive or not, but once you know it is offensive to some people, why on earth would you want to carry on using it?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2015 21:22

Did you read my whole post, Effy?

HairyHandedFucker · 19/03/2015 21:23

Eff, the word shizz is offensive to me. Will you please change your username.

HarrietTheFly · 19/03/2015 21:35

Although I think it's nice to respect other people's beliefs most of the time, I think she's being a bit ridiculous here. Surely if she's the Catholic, then she's the one who shouldn't blaspheme.

I disagree that it's the same as being sexist or racist. You cannot choose your sex or race, you can choose your religion. Plus saying "omg" is hardly on the same level as insulting somebody on the basis of their sex/race.

All that said, I rarely blashpheme myself. Possibly the result of years spent at a Catholic school.

EffyourHairyHandedFuckerUp · 19/03/2015 21:36

Happy to oblige :-)

MeeWhoo · 19/03/2015 21:45

I agree with the OP, this is not like asking someone not to swear, as everyone knows what swearing is and, if you are prone to swearing, has had to turn it off in certain situations (school for starters), so swearwords come with their own little flags in your brain so you can quickly check whether or not it is appropriate to use them.
These other expressions, however, are completely neutral and just the same as any other word for most/a lot of people, so it would be the same as asking you to stop saying "Come on!" Or "Sure" or "no way". Since up to now these words have been "safe"to say on any occasion you will probably find yourself distracted making sure not to use them and they would be a lot harder to avoid than swearwords, which seem to have their own little brain flag attached.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 19/03/2015 21:47

I can only pop in intermittently, but I see that I've been very well represented by some posters in my absence!

I agree that in order to blaspheme, I'd need to believe in God. I don't, so I can't.

And it's all well and good saying 'just say something else instead' but in an educational setting, my thought process before I speak is concerned with the subject matter, not in checking my intended sentence for religious references. It's a distraction that is far from productive.

I respect a person's right to follow any religion of their choosing, but I do not have to follow their religious ideals.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/03/2015 21:47

I really can't understand why so many people think it is reasonable to continue in a behaviour, which is of no consequence to you, when you know it is offensive to someone else.

^^ This.

itsmeitscathy · 19/03/2015 21:54

I don't like it so I don't say it but it is t for me to dictate how others speak - especially at training or something for goodness sake. I find "Christ" particularly grating but I'd never dream of bringing it up! When I was young my dad used to give my friends a row for saying any kind of curse like that in his house but that's so different.

I think YANBU to think it's highly odd to bring it up with strangers though.

BiscuitMillionaire · 19/03/2015 21:57

Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]