to wonder why you think I care about your marital status?

[JessieMcJessie]

I've just received an email from the personal assistant to someone I am meeting later today. Her standard signature at the bottom of the e-mail (name changed of course) is

Mrs Brenda Jones

I sometimes see communications from other women signed off "Brenda Jones (Mrs)"

Why on earth do people do this? Do any of you do this?

NB although her name is not really Brenda, it was an unmistakeably female name, so it wasn't to stop any confusion about her gender. And I myself have a unisex first name but I still never put Mrs on my letters or emails (nor Miss before I was married).

I suppose it's just old fashioned but how awful that society ever thought that marital status and ability to do a job were in any way connected.

Unfortunately Babbity I don't think you're one of those people that I can hold an intelligent conversation, especially as you hold those views so I'll leave you too it.

Try not to bite people

It's Xiao, Babbity. Xiao.

Just read this: 'It is only an assumed name, after all, the name on your birth cert is your real name unless you change it by deed poll.'

Sigh.

Only on mumsnet would you get called thick and lacking in imagination for merely taking your husbands surname when you get married.

Like I care though.

xiao, so sorry to have offended you. Or should that be Mrs. Xiaozhu. Yes, a 'married name' is an assumed name!! What is your point? And try to refrain from using 'palm in hand' comments or the like, unless you are under 18.

Why join in the thread if you don't care MrsIts?
Yes it is a little dim (basically thick!) to dump your original name and use someone else's simply because you are marrying them.

If you look at the other posts bab you'll see others don't care much either way too.

And I'll join any thread I choose thanks very much!

Did you join it just to try and wind people up?

Get over yourself

You're easily wound up, Mrs.
Calm down, it's just an internet forum thread!
I am well 'over myself'! What a silly, childish statement!

Whatever bab think what you like love.
I'll leave you to it as well.

Where's Olivia with a frog in her throat when you need her?

I'm still waiting for the explanation of why women who change their names on marriage are dim - not seen any persuasive / logical / coherent arguments from babbity yet

I do this sometimes if I am contacting people I don't know I put Miss X X because my name is an indian one majority of people assume I am male so and always reply back saying Mr X X - can be really annoying. But that is the reason why I do.

When you marry you don't need to change it by deed poll. It becomes your name automatically, if you want it. Look it up.

No, not offended, just amused that someone as clever as you clearly are didn't pick up on the very obvious irony in my comment.

Anyway, stupid is as stupid does.

But you wouldn't get the irony there either :)

When you marry you don't need to change it by deed poll. It becomes your name automatically, if you want it. Look it up.

Does the equivalent situation hold for men ? Or is it only for women?

Closer, look at it this way, how is it intelligent to change your name? Why would any person with a good sense of self/identity just give up their surname?
To call them thick is harsh (but true)maybe, to be kinder, these people are just lacking in self worth.

xia, it does not become your name automatically. I have been married for 18 years and still have my own name. How silly of you!

A 'married name' is an assumed name. Your one true name is the one on your birth cert unless you chose to change it by deed poll for whatever reason regardless of marrying!

deedpolloffice.com/advice/woman-getting-married

Still not bombarding me with good reasons why women who change their name are thick...

In answer to your question about why would anyone want to change their name, how about

• their maiden name is awful and they want to get rid of it, and marriage provides an acceptable opportunity to do do
• similarly if their maiden name is a reminder of their abusive father and they want to change it
• because it really doesn't mean that much to them - their name isn't central to their self-identity
• as above, but having the same name really matters to their husband
• they have already changed name (maybe more than once) and aren't that attached to their current surname
• they figure that they will be married for more years than they have been known by their maiden name
• they want an external signifier that they are legally married, perhaps because they have long awaited being able to
• they don't want their children to have different surnames from one of their parents

Any of these possibly register as reasons why "these women" might make this decision? Not necessarily agree with them or recognise them in your own experience, but surely you're not too "dim" to realise that other women have different lives and make different, equally valid, decisions to you?

Wow! Closer, you'll need to get less worked up about things you read on the internet. We're not in your real life, you know.
Fine, valid reasons (some of them). So ,people who change their name on marriage are thick AND sad!
And what is a 'maiden name', exactly?
Does it mean that in order to have a married name you should be a virgin when getting married? I think, perhaps, you should use the term 'original name.
Nightnight.

Babbity has a point.

If name changing on marriage is a feminist issue then so is the term "maiden name". Personally I prefer "birth name" because it is the name I was given by my parents at my birth for their own reasons. I dont need to agree with those reasons to accept my birth name.

That said, I have no issue with women who do change their name on marriage. I did it in my first marriage. I reverted back to my birth name on my second marriage, which cause no end of confusion in the family :o

I said waaaay up thread that I dislike the term "maiden name" - not sure if there is a universally understood alternative though. Birth name might work - though I associate that very particularly with a particular set of circumstances (my DD is adopted, and "birth parents" and "birth name" are her biological parents and the name they gave her).

Not "worked up" Babbity, just not prepared to let glib , wide ranging insults go unchallenged. Even if "only" on the internet. And even if they were only designed to be goady

Whenever I hear 'can I speak to Mr Hat' I always assume they want to speak to my dad. I should have grown out of this at 35.

Ooh! Hello stranger.

I feel similar when people list their more irrelevant letters in their email signature.

James from the transport section for example, why do I need to know about your BA?