to say i can't attend this meeting about DS2s attendance?

[velvetspoon]

Letter received Monday evening asking me to attend a meeting at 1pm on Thursday.

I can't take a day off work with 48 hours notice. And it would have to be a full day due to timing of the meeting.

I replied to that effect, and asked for another day with at least 7 days notice but got a very snippy reply back saying it was a serious matter, and such meetings were important, etc, etc...

What time does his brother leave?

i had same thing from my sons school because of his attendece as well. but he has generally been ill quite alot. i was left a message on my voice mail about the meeting. i was in same situation as you op. regarding taking time of work. i rang her and spoke to her over the phone. told her that a couple of times i have spoken to my gp and she has given me a print out for medical evidence. but i also told her i dont take him to the gp everytime he has a bug. as there is no reason to take him. gp also comfirmed he does not need to be seen for a general sick up.

He was of ill last week with the sick bug as well. i asked gp for medical evidence because i get threatend with meetings/court from the school. This time the reception at gps told me they no longer give out medical evidence for children being of sick. but she did give me some paper work that gives a guide. it says about if a child has alot of time of school due to illness that the school should contact the gp direct with the parents permission.im thinking i will give that permission... but still a madness i would still have to contact gp to say hes got sickness bug again. and the gp herself has said there is no need to ring them. but then i have to ring so its on record. as if school makes contact there needs to be something for the gp to report back.

I understand your problems, and I bet some of the teachers involved will understand too, as like me they will be full time working parents. That's a key reason why they will want to schedule the meeting during the working day.

But, like me, they are likely now to be struggling now with year 11s with low attendance, frequent unpredictable absences, and sadly a much reduced likelihood of exam success because of it. Year 9 is a bad time to get into bad habits. What do you want the school to do? I think it's very unlikely they will let a student with 85% attendance take themselves home every time they complain of illness, because they are sceptical that the illness reported so far has always been genuine. How else can they support you both? And before you meet, you need to have a very frank discussion with your son about why this is happening.

velvet you are doing your best and if the worst he's doing is pretending he's sick every now and again, you're not doing bad at all.

velvetspoon the single mums I know who leave for work early make their teenagers leave the house when they do probably because they know they'd be tempted to laze around and be late or not go in at all. They'll hang around the local shop or go to another friend's house but they get to school on time.

Velvet, when you are alone, something will always give. Have you asked your son if there's anything bothering him at school such as bullying? You also need to be firm but fair with him. Explain that if there is a problem, you, the school, a GP, are all there to help and support him. However, he's is becoming an adult himself, he has to take responsibility, he has to get himself to school, because if he doesn't the consequences will come down on both if you. Explain that you wish you could help him get to school and reassure him mire in the mornings, but he has to understand that you must work due to all reasons above.

Give him the chance to talk, if he just shrugs his shoulders and give a half hearted excuse, explain either an EWO will pick him up every day or you'll have to spend non-existing money on a child minder.

I hope the school takes into account of your situation, as you are only one person and cannot physically do everything.

YANBU to reschedule meeting.

YABU re your sons 'work' ethic, he is clearly taking time off on the pretext he may feel worse throughout the day.

Do you do that? Do you assume that if you wake with a mildly sore throat that by lunchtime it will be full blown tonsillitis? So why does your son think that?

Number3, you talk a lot of sense!

So how does preventing him and his brother doing their hw help?

But you won't be preventing them - they'll just have to do it later when you're home. Granted it wouldn't be popular, but the solution to that's in your son's hands (and his brother's if he wants to take it up with him

sorry i had not realised there were 9 pages.

i dont really know what schools exspect parents to do once their kids get to a certain age

Could you phone him as an alarm when he needs to be leaving the house? At least until he is back in the habit of sorting himself out.

If he says he is too ill to go in, can't you just tell him he has to go and that he will lose a privilege if he doesn't go (no wi-fi, no phone, bed time moves earlier etc.)?

How do you currently set boundaries and enforce them?

Velvet, trust me you aren't doing a bad job. My mum was in same place and beats herself up about it to this day. As an adult I now understand and love her all the more for it, as will your DS. You're making the best of a tough situation and something's got to give.

The fact you are asking for advice is evidence enough you are a good parent, bad parents wouldn't give a shit.

Take the advice in here - get him checked out for fatigue issues, try and work with the school to make sure this isn't a bullying / anxiety issue and once you've ruled them out put your foot up his arse. That's probably the best you can do.

Could be a lot worse, he's not at the park sniffing glue. It's just a teenage wobble, he will come good.

"velvet you are doing your best and if the worst he's doing is pretending he's sick every now and again, you're not doing bad at all."

Once a week isn't every now and again.

OP- what time does his brother leave?

ghost so you want the school just to give up on those kids?!

Posted too soon, number3 said that all of reasons other PPs posting re bullying etc should be taken into account and discussed at the meeting.

There are maybe three reasons

1. Your son is suffering from an underlying illness that is undiagnosed leading to a huge amount of time off school. Something your work would not tolerate so needs to be addressed to ensure education is not affected. He can't cope with the school sickness policy, it must apply to every child, so why does your so. Have an issue with not being sent home etc.

1. He is being bullied or something along those lines.

1. He is swinging the lead and can't be arsed to get his backside out of bed, you ring he says I have sneezed five times, I don't want to go to school as I scared. You then let him off.

All of the above need to be addressed, he needs to up his attendance, an employer would kick him out pretty quickly.

His brother leaves at 715/720 (different school, much further away) they were at the same school until last year.

If I made him leave with me, my honest thought is he'd just go back home once I'd gone (he has to have a key because I am sometimes not home til 8pm, he gets back from school at just after 3).

I'm not sure if the intention is he is at this meeting, the wording of the letter suggested it was this external attendance officer, a teacher at the school and me. No mention of DS though I'd have thought he should be there at least for some of it.

How often does he doze off and go in late? I'd suggest an alarm on his phone just before he needs to leave.

And I second changing the wifi daily and texting at home time. I guess it could even be mid afternoon.

How do you punish going in late or missing when not deemed ill enough?
What about paying for a childminder from 7:15 if available? Children over 8 I think don't affect ratios. Or paying a friend for him to go over before school, so he's leaving the house when you do?

Ghost, that's why they have attendance officers, to stop kids just deciding I don't want to go to school!

Or should the little lambs be allowed to sleep all day, get no education and rely on the state to provide them with benefits and housing. Whilst the rest of their peer group pay for them.

The OP is being offered assistance, I strongly suggest she takes it pretty quick smart!

velvet I am dreading this! I leave before ds too, today he threatened to go back to bed and luckily it was just a threat, but what a nightmare! Hope the meeting helps.

I'll arrange a GP appt, unlikely I'll get one before the meeting as normally they're booked up 2 weeks ahead. But at least I'll be able to say I've done that.

Re sickness at school, as I said upthread, his teacher said that it was specifically because his attendance was bad that they wouldn't do anything other than send him back to class if he complained of feeling ill. That's not the case for other children. I will be raising that at the meeting.

I do ring before school. I have a knot in my stomach every day as to whether he'll answer (he can sleep through it) and if he does if he'll say he's feeling ill and then having to go through the whole conversation of him needing to go in, him refusing etc.

Let's be honest velvet, you say he will "say he's feeling ill" you don't believe it's 100% genuinely you?

I would suggest you work with the attendance officer and don't be overly defensive!

So when the school make the decision that he is to go back to class they are also not 100% convinced either!

I really feel for you, Velvet. Working such long hours in a demanding job, and with two teenagers into the bargain is not easy. this must be very stressful.

Your DS seems to be avoiding school, for whatever reason and you and he need to work with the school to get his attendance back up to a normal level. You need to sit down and explain why his poor attendance is a problem for him and for you and see if there are any real issues, or if he's just being lazy. Obviously, if there is an underlying reason, then that is different.

A bit of a cold or a headache are not reasons to stay off school. I think you need to take a harder line with him and make it clear he can only be absent from school if you agree in advance. If he then bunks off, then that is what you tell the school when explaining why he was absent and make it clear this was without your agreement.

He's old enough to start to take some responsibility for himself and to accept that if he continues to make poor choices, then there will be reprocussions. But he is still a child and that means that he also has to accept that as his parent you are responsible for his health, well-being and education and that he has to go to school if you tell him he cannot stay off, even on the days he really doesn't fancy it.

Hi all,
We have had this thread reported many times tonight, and can see that it has become very bad-tempered at times. It seems to be back on track now, thank heavens, what with us having that whole 'parents supporting each other' thing going on, so we'll go back and deal with what went on earlier. Thanks, keep up the good work.

You're missing the point. There should not be a blanket ban on him being sent home/ parents contacted/ being allowed to sit in a quiet place (there is no sick room) just because he's been absent more than other children. Especially when there's been at least one occasion when he should have been sent home. And I don't agree that ban should have been communicated to him either.

I'm not missing the point..it's the boy who cried wolf!

The couple of times you mention, how did staying the remainder of the day in school hamper his recovery?