to say i can't attend this meeting about DS2s attendance?

[velvetspoon]

Letter received Monday evening asking me to attend a meeting at 1pm on Thursday.

I can't take a day off work with 48 hours notice. And it would have to be a full day due to timing of the meeting.

I replied to that effect, and asked for another day with at least 7 days notice but got a very snippy reply back saying it was a serious matter, and such meetings were important, etc, etc...

This thread is getting quite nasty. Firstly it does annoy me that schools think they can click their fingers and parents come running. However there is a real problem with the Op's son's attendance which she is seems to be avoiding. There is no need to accuse her of poor parenting. It's nasty and unhelpful. I'm not a single parent but dh is away a lot so I have some clue how hard it can be to deal with a teenage boy on your own. Ds1 went through a phase at the beginning of this academic year of trying to wriggle out of school almost every week. It can be hard dealing with him sometimes. He's a big strapping lad (6ft) and I'm petite so the physical difference can be a bit intimidating. He's also very stubborn. However I had to force him to school for his own good. The Op needs to deal with this. It's a terrible record. As for the concussion story, I'm lost for words.

Jemima, who on earth do you think you are making such assumptions about people, who's lives you only get a small snippet of? Obviously, you have got parenting down to a fine skill, and feel you can be an obnoxious arse about it. Please, guide us lesser failures in your ways. Tell us exactly how you would deal with this situation, oh great one.

In our school (primary) arriving after registration is late, but there is only a 15 minute window. If you arrive after that it is classified as an absence, even if you are present in school.
I understood this was NOT lea but government requirement??

whoops, I have been away for an hour and 3 more pages added on!

Exactly. I withdrew the poor parenting comment, that's too sweeping given we are looking at one issue. Her son could be volunteering and doing all sorts of positive things and she's being a good parent by putting the roof over his head and food on the table as a lone parent and it's quite clear he is a loved son or she wouldn't be as (blindly??) supportive as she is.

But if there isn't some self-reflection as to why he's missing so much school without an underlying health problem as a result of the thread thats a shame, because that's where the issue lies, not with when the school will arrange a meeting.

"people who work fucking hard for a good life."
OMG I do not believe it , let's play bingo, we already have the 'hard working families' one thrown in. Un fucking believable. What are you trying to say now then ? That OP and I do not work 'fucking hard'?

Wow, this is seriously nasty. Worrying level of aggression.

Sunny, it's not worth it. Some people just believe they do things so much better, and anyone else who shows the slightest bit of stress is an idiot. Well bully for them. Looks like the OP won't come back, I wouldn't either. Can only hope she gets the support she needs, and her son can get back into regular schooling soon.

wow - I have rarely seen such personal nastiness on here!

Step back ladies, take a breath, please!

None of this is helping OP

thank you itsnotme xx I appreciate your words

Usually, I'm not having a go at you personally, although a few things you have said, albeit in sarcasm, are toeing the line a bit. I'm sarcastic myself, all the time, and it's difficult to stop once I'm off! I just get the feeling Sunny has taken some personal offense from some things said here, and as some who's been wrongly judged in real life about a similar situation, I can sympathise. Deep breath everyone, most of us have been on the wrong side of a sharp opinion and it brings out the defensive in us x

I only made tea. Why all the nastiness? Seriously the OP seems (my opinion on reading her posts) very passive about this. I think its probably down to sheer, bone tiredness. Being a single parent is not easy (I have been one) and working and having to deal with dc playing up is exhausting. But it needs dealing with. I said several times that I feel for her.

I don't know why this has to become a slanging match about who is married and who isn't.

Fair comment itsnotme, although the only line toeing (line crossing actually) was the poor parenting comment i withdrew well before the thread went into meltdown.

It is sad that someone can't post a contrary opinion on here without people becoming insulting and vitriolic.

Can only hope she gets the support she needs, and her son can get back into regular schooling soon

I'll second that - and still hoping to hear her own plans for dealing with it

Well I see it's all kicked off in my absence (I've just finished work and am on the train home).

I'm not parent of the year, far from it. However I don't think I'm a shit parent either. Both my DC used to get attendance awards at primary ffs. Nothing has changed since then other than that they now take themselves to school rather than leaving the house at 7am to be taken to a childminder. For the record, DS1 (who is in 6th form at a different school) has also missed days though that is for reasons other than illness (real or feigned) and the school are dealing with it.

The problem I have is I'm not there. I leave at 730. The school is a 5 minute bike ride or 10-15 min walk from my house. Ds2 is up when I go, bit doesn't need to leave for almost an hour. In that time he can (and has) fall asleep, and end up being late. Or start feeling ill and ring me to that effect. So when he rings me I do say he needs to try to go in, etc. But I'm not there to physically make him. I simply can't be, and there is no one else who can do that for me either (short of the school or ewo if there is one helping out). So if he says he's not going in, or says he will but then doesn't I can punish him and have, but it doesn't achieve anything. He would rather take a punishment than be at school.

So then what do I do differently? What else can I do now that I'm not doing? Because really I don't know.

His father is involved in a minimal sense. He starts work at 630/7am so can't assist in taking to school. He sometimes finishes early so previously when DS was ill he's picked him up from school. He doesn't view school as important, and also considers me a shit parent, so I'm not going to get any help from him.

Someone asked about DS hitting his head. He is tiny, the height of an 11 year old at best (he's 14 in a few weeks). Lots of boys in his school are 6ft plus, like grown men. It was one of them falling on him and knocking him against the wall that injured him. I didn't make a fuss at the time because DS was ok, it was an accident, and no harm done etc. Possibly I should have done more. I don't think he's bullied. But I don't think he likes school much. I don't know why that is.

I manage attendance in primary school. Just a few points to add.

In our LA, a bit late is coded as late and doesn't affect attendance. Late after registration has a unique code which identifies it as such and counts towards absence.

Our EWO monitors attendance under 85% but also "broken weeks", that is where a child persistently has a few days off over several weeks, rather than a block of illness.

Our LA provides home to school transport under strict criteria. Not feeling like going in isn't one of them! The bottom line is it is the parent's responsibility to get their child to school. If they can't, they need to come in to discuss how to resolve the problem.

For people saying you can have the meeting over the phone - not if it's about very low attendance. The EWO may decide to draw up an attendance agreement, where the parent, the child, the EWO and the school all agree to carry out certain actions to ensure the child is in school. If the result is improved attendance over four weeks, the EWO will close the case (but will open again if attendance dips again).

Tbh, OP, with so many absences I'm surprised your DS hasn't been caught out by the truancy patrol yet.

Our school (and every school I've worked in) has a different codes for lateness and absence.

And for authorised, unauthorised, trips, etc. etc.

So your school must be very unusual Sunny.

Just a suggestion. Why don't you insist your ds is up and dressed in school uniform before you leave? That way he can't fall asleep again and wake up late. My kids are up and ready for school by 7.30. You could also go to extremes like locking up the tv remote and laptop so there are less temptations at home. Ds1 had a friend whose mum was a single parent and she used to do that so he would do his homework when he came home from school and she was still at work.

A truancy patrol isn't going to catch my son out...because as I've said when he's off school he's at home. He doesn't answer the door when he's there. So they're not going to 'catch' him There are plenty of teens who bunk school to hang around the park, shops etc. My DS isn't one of them.

Unless you mean he'll be caught by the attendance info. Well obviously, hence the meeting I'm attending.