Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you think… is this an appropriate present for a 4-year-old?

124 replies

drkg · 17/03/2015 12:43

Back-story: we work really hard to promote a gender-neutral environment at home. We’ve made a few complaints to nursery regarding this (e.g. girl-only activities for 3-year-olds). There’s only one term left.

This week: Our DD, for her 4th birthday, opened a Monster High doll. We had no idea what these were before, just saw a box, marked age 6+, inside a doll with make-up, short skirt, ridiculous body proportions, that looks both scary and yet sexy…

It was from her nursery teacher. We’re not sure if the nursery paid or if it was personal present. We were horrified with it and have stashed it away. (DD had no idea what it was and hasn’t missed it yet). DH thinks we should say nothing at all to nursery teacher. But, I feel awkward not saying thank you. DH argues that a thank-you is false and that if we say anything, we should mention we felt it was inappropriate. I can’t bring myself to do this.

I know this is minor. Don’t beat me up! But I really believe it is important to deliver positive messages to little ones and although I don’t think these dolls directly create anorexia or the like, I do find them sickly and they don’t seem to me to represent the values that I hold dear. I’d rather not have them in my house if I can help it. But I’m opening up to MN to hear other opinions. Are DH and I BU to feel uncomfortable with this present? Anyone else think it is inappropriate from a nursery teacher? And what should I do?

OP posts:
flora717 · 17/03/2015 12:46

The dolls are awful. I quite agree. Monster High is a bizare take on the 'everyone's included' ideal. Everyone's included if they're cheerleader material. I hate it.

BarbarianMum · 17/03/2015 12:47

I think its fine for you and your dh not to want your dd to have this present and t put/give it away. But you should definitely thank the nursery teacher (does she give all the children presents - what a huge undertaking!). Your dd sadly is not very far from the age demographic these dolls are aimed at - these days children are expected to outgrow dolls by about age 8 Sad

CreepyLittleBat · 17/03/2015 12:47

Say thank you, give it to the charity shop, get on with day.

VacantExpression · 17/03/2015 12:47

Those dolls are horrendous and not at all suitable for a 4 year old. I would be annoyed on many levels. I think you should probably mention it to the teacher or management of the nursery tbh- should the teacher be buying a girft for your child anyway? Does he/she buy presents for all the kids?

YANBU but I wouldn't really know what to do either!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/03/2015 12:48

I wouldn't want a Monster High doll for my DD. That said, it's a gift and of course you should say thank you, and you should not raise your thoughts about it's suitability.

Forget the gender-neutral stuff around the issue. It's just the same as any gift that isn't what you would choose yourself, you are polite about it and then give it a charity shop/save it for a Christmas toy appeal.

SomewhereIBelong · 17/03/2015 12:49

its a doll, for playing with... kids really don't think of them the same as adults- they really don't.

My DD's favourite doll aged 5 was a bratz doll - the reason it was her favourite - it had broken off one finger, so she could be a doctor and fix it.

flora717 · 17/03/2015 12:49

Also this seems a very strange gift for a nursery charge. Too young to really watch Monster High. Nursery gifts tend to be books/ colouring in in my experience. The sort of thing that never dates. Can stay in a box for random selection on birthdays.

soverylucky · 17/03/2015 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 17/03/2015 12:52

Send it here if you don't want it.

My poor DDs are sad, brainless, patriarchally-oppressed sheep and they both love MH.

JohnCusacksWife · 17/03/2015 12:53

Perhaps a bit young for a MH doll but I really couldn't get worked about it. Just say thank you and then give it away, if it worries you that much.

steff13 · 17/03/2015 12:53

Say thank you, give it to the charity shop, get on with day.

This ^

BathshebaDarkstone · 17/03/2015 12:54

My DD's 7 and has shown interest in MH dolls but hasn't actually asked me to buy any yet, I'd say they're a bit old for a 4yo.

popalot · 17/03/2015 12:55

Teaching staff anywhere aren't supposed to give presents to children, so the whole thing sounds odd. It's not appropriate to give a present and on top of that def not appropriate to give 4 year old a present for a 6 year old and above. If you feel really strongly, take it back to the nursery and give it to the manager. Otherwise, just let it slide and give it to a charity shop.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 17/03/2015 12:56

Lol saucy jack! Dd was 9 yesterday and received several MH dolls as she loves them.

I'd say 4 was a bit young but no worse than getting a barbie or disney princess doll IMO.

Children really don't see what adults project about these fashion dolls. Dd just sees cool dolls. She doesn't want to wear ripped fishnets mini kilts and cropped tops. However she does love pink so obviously I've failed her on many levels.

tomandizzymum · 17/03/2015 12:56

*Say thank you, give it to the charity shop, get on with day.

This ^*
^ that

Pyjamasandwine · 17/03/2015 12:57

Are you in the UK?

A nursery having girl only activities? If this was the exact same activity offered to the boys but just split groups that's fine.

If it was just for girls and not boys then they would fail and Ofsted inspection and he on special measures.

What's their grading? Never heard of this and I am a cm. We wouldn't be allowed to do that. Have you challenged them?

Pyjamasandwine · 17/03/2015 12:59

As for the dolls don't see a problem really as long as it's not her only toy. Kids love crap.

KitZacJak · 17/03/2015 12:59

I would say thank you and put it away for a few years! I don't think you should complain. While it is not exactly what you would choose a present is still present and it is the thought that counts!!

ThisIsOurBlanket · 17/03/2015 12:59

I think they are horrible, and I wouldn't buy one for my 4 year old or my 7 year old. (But if someone else bought one for them, I would let them have it, I wouldn't take them away).

My DC know that I don't approve of them Grin, and the reasons why. I don't approve of Lego Friends either.

I would still thank the nursery teacher. You can generically thank someone for thinking of buying you a present without referring to the gift - I would say something like "Thank you so much for buying DD a birthday present, we really appreciated the gesture".

Original poster
drkg · 17/03/2015 13:00

vacant and Barbarian We have reasons to believe that a child's key worker is given the money from the nursery to do this. So we think it is sponsored by the nursery--ultimately from us. But can't be entirely sure.

Yes I go with Creepy, absolutely right. Thank you.

OP posts:
Pyjamasandwine · 17/03/2015 13:02

Sorry and I think it was nice to fine your dd a gift. You should find out if it is from the nursery or just a worker and if course thank them. Your dh is a bit rude.

Your kids will have crap brought them from relations and friends their whole childhood so unclench.

The main problem is the girls only activities needs explaining. It may be quite innocent.

Original poster
drkg · 17/03/2015 13:04

Pyjama Yes we are in the UK and indeed there is a back story about the way that they expect boys to do one thing and girls to do another and yes we have complained, considered moving DD, but there's only a few months to go now. Its a new nursery waiting first ofsted.

OP posts:
slanleat · 17/03/2015 13:04

At four my daughter would have liked one of those dolls. Simply because it was in a costume and looked a bit funky. She played with dolls, cars, tractors, lego and more dolls.

I never liked my sons getting toy guns, I do not think weapons are toys. Whenever anyone gave him one I quietly hid it but I always thanked the person for giving him a gift.

Say thank you and move on.

Fuckup · 17/03/2015 13:05

oh I think yab-a bit-u I don't think provocative clothes are a problem in and of themselves, especially as they are alternative and gothy, a move away from barbie (which is definitely aimed at 4 yos) I like the fact that they are alternative, would barbie be preferable? If you don't like it don't give it to her, but I think its a shame because your dd will be exposed to these things at soon anyway (unavoidably) and the teachers gone to a nice effort of giving it to her.

herethereandeverywhere · 17/03/2015 13:05

No. Someone just bought my 3 year old a Barbie doll (in swimming costume thing and miniskirt) I don't think that's appropriate either.

Children will not see what adults see in terms of objectifying and sexualising girls but that doesn't mean it's not there and not happening.

I don't want to be the weird lentil-weaver mum that bans princesses/pink/Barbie etc. so I allow but don't promote it. My older daughter (5) has a few of these crappy things (mostly Disney princess dolls plus one Barbie) they all sit naked in a box as she doesn't really have a clue what to do with them 'play' wise. I merely counter by ensuring presents from us and anyone who asks for a steer are not of this variety.

Personally I'll be saying thank you for the Barbie and hiding it in a cupboard.