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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that DD has been dropped off by neighbour at crossing instead of in school

122 replies

MishMoshi · 15/03/2015 23:00

I have an arrangement with a neighbour whose daughter is same age as mine (7) - they take the girls into school, we pick them up. Daughter told me this weekend that he has started dropping them both off at the crossing patrol outside the school.

Besides the fact that I want my DD to have an adult with her until she goes into class because of her age - the school asks parents to supervise all children in the playground until they go in. I was planning to ask him about it in the morning but the more I think about it the more wound up I am feeling, I wouldn't dream of doing that without good reason and without telling the other parent that I had done so.

I wondered if it was because he was late for work - they go into class at 8.55 and he starts work 5mins later, 5 mins away, but it's happened more than once and he hasn't said anything about it so am wondering whether to trust him.

Would I be overreacting to cancel arrangement and start taking daughter in myself?

OP posts:
diddl · 16/03/2015 14:10

"Because we have to stand out on the street until the gates to the playground open. "

So they need supervision in the street!

ArcheryAnnie · 16/03/2015 14:43

It doesn't matter if the road was the safest road in the world, and the playground was lined with airbags and staffed by paramedics.

It does matter that you trusted another adult with an arrangement for your DC, and that other adult changed the arrangement without telling you.

The issue is the breaking of trust from the other child's parent, not whether the playground is safe.

Purplepoodle · 16/03/2015 15:56

Could u compromise and ask to get a lift with the girls then you could walk them in and get the bus back

oneowlgirl · 16/03/2015 21:40

Sorry it ended awkwardly but FWIW, I don't think you WBU - hopefully you'll come to a mutual arrangement in the future that suits all parenting styles.

Patsyandeddie · 16/03/2015 22:56

I walked to school, half a mile away, with a friend at her age! Stop wrapping them in cotton wool.

Patsyandeddie · 16/03/2015 22:59

Why the hell is the school asking for supervision, it just wasn't available years ago, our parents had gone to work. If a kid can't find it's way into a familiar school gate there is a problem!

Kampeki · 16/03/2015 23:12

Also, something I didn't mention, is that DD has recently had a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD, which makes her both more likely to be accident prone, and to be a target for bullies.

In light of this, yanbu.

RocketInMyPocket · 17/03/2015 03:47

If I was feeling really nasty, I'd let him take her in and then call him 15 minutes after school starts saying that school have asked why she's not in

How fucking pathetic. Hmm

tiggytape · 17/03/2015 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vycount · 17/03/2015 08:20

I don't know why some people have given you a hard time Op. They key to me was simple, and stated clearly in your first post - "the school asks parents to supervise all children in the playground until they go in".
In which case, that's what all parents should do, and they've probably signed a Home School Agreement to say they will abide by the school's policy on this.
I don't think you were drip-feeding about your daughter's possible diagnosis, it seems hardly relevant to me given the above.

Of course there are many here on MN who will decide they know better than the school, even though they haven't seen the school themselves and have no knowledge of the reasons why the school makes that request... Hmm

grannytomine · 17/03/2015 08:31

What is the legal position with letting children walk to school by themselves? Surely until school starts the parents make the decisions.

SomewhereIBelong · 17/03/2015 08:34

"the school asks parents to supervise all children in the playground until they go in".

the key word in that sentence to me is "asks" - they can ask for what they want, it implies acceptance OR refusal.

Koalafications · 17/03/2015 08:34

I'm really surprised that there are schools that open their gates but don't offer any supervision for children, I've not heard of that before.

Vicarscat · 17/03/2015 08:37

Do all parents accompany their children to the classroom? I very much doubt it. No doubt they're supposed to be supervised if playing in the playground before school, but not if just walking into school. Your neighbour is doing you a big favour giving your DC a lift. YABU.

murphys · 17/03/2015 08:49

I'm really surprised that there are schools that open their gates but don't offer any supervision for children, I've not heard of that before

Me neither but then again I don't live in UK. What i cannot understand though, is what if both parents work and you need to drop off your child and get to work in time for say, 9am. So you drop off at 8.30 and head off for work.

Surely the school must have measures in place for supervision of some kind prior to school starting. Not all parents are lucky enough to be able to stand at the gate and watch their dc walk into class.

In our schools the prefects (not sure what you would call them in UK) would be on playground duty along with a rota system of teachers, so not all teachers are on duty every day. They come in a bit earlier on their duty day and supervise the prefects who are supervising the younger dc.

I personally think that at 7 years old they are able to walk from the crossing to the gate alone, but with your added in information, he should have discussed it with you first.

PilchardPrincess · 17/03/2015 08:51

YANBU IMO

Bit surprised by the number of people saying well just because the school say that's the policy doesn't mean you have to abide by it. MN is usually very firm on following school rules so that's a step away from the norm!

FWIW our school has no playground supervision either. They got pissed off with people dumping their kids in the playground very early (before supervisions started which was 15 mins before the bell went). Some children would be in the playground for 30mins+ before the supervision turned up. So they have changed it that the doors open 10 mins before the bell and the children go straight in. It's a shame as they don't get a play in the playground any more before they go in, but I guess the safety concerns made it just not worth it.

PilchardPrincess · 17/03/2015 08:52

"Me neither but then again I don't live in UK. What i cannot understand though, is what if both parents work and you need to drop off your child and get to work in time for say, 9am. So you drop off at 8.30 and head off for work.

Surely the school must have measures in place for supervision of some kind prior to school starting. Not all parents are lucky enough to be able to stand at the gate and watch their dc walk into class. "

I drop my children in the school breakfast club at 8am. Most schools have some kind of arrangement (that you have to pay for) like that. Most people round here have a commute of at least a bit, so even dropping at 8.30 isn't going to be much use for many.

tiggytape · 17/03/2015 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

murphys · 17/03/2015 08:53

What happens with supervision at break time Pilchard?

PilchardPrincess · 17/03/2015 08:55

Oh I was talking about before school! Yes they are supervised at breaks as per usual. Just the morning supervision that got taken.

It has caused problems for quite a few parents I think as has effectively removed 20 mins from their morning, more for the parents who were dropping earlier.

tiggytape · 17/03/2015 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PilchardPrincess · 17/03/2015 08:56

Maybe it's not 20 mins actually.

Anyway I think the people most affected were the ones they wanted to stop, so I guess that makes sense.

murphys · 17/03/2015 09:05

Yes i can imagine when that new rule came into play it must have had a huge effect on working parents. I didn't know there were breakfast clubs, which seem to be the best solution for parents who both work and start early. But that comes at a price no doubt.

I often read posts like this and then see how different things are done in different countries.

We only have one gate for the dc to enter the school. Parents are not allowed to enter through that gate. If we need to go into the school premises, we need to enter through the main gate which leads directly into the office. We have a teacher and a few prefects that stand at the gate and no child is allowed to leave the gate once they have gone in, and no-one except a child from that school is allowed to enter through it.

The only exception to that rule is when it is the children just starting school go for the first time, parents are allowed to take them to class for one week only. Thereafter, a prefect will escort them to class.

ragged · 17/03/2015 09:16

Glad you sorted it OP.

bumblingbovine49 · 17/03/2015 09:22

Children at Ds's school are supposed to be supervised in the playground until 8.45am but at 8.45 am the doors to the building open so the children can go into the classroom. Year 6's and some year 5s are allowed to go to and from school on their own with written permission.

If I have been running late, (ie arriving at 8.50am when doors are open) I sometimes drop my son and any other children I am taking in a car park next door to the at the school gate and watch as they go in the gate as I will be late for work if I don't leave by 9.50am. If we arrive before then, I would go into the playground and wait for the building doors to open at 8.45am and then leave for work.

So whether it is reasonable to drop a 7 year old at school without waiting s depends on the what the school does really. I wouldn't like to leave a 7 year old in a playground unsupervised even for a few minutes but I would have no problem dropping a 7 year old off at a school gate if I knew they were going straight to their classroom.

In any case I would always let the other parent of any children I am taking to school know what I was planning to do so the OP is DNBU