To be angry that DD has been dropped off by neighbour at crossing instead of in school

[MishMoshi]

I have an arrangement with a neighbour whose daughter is same age as mine (7) - they take the girls into school, we pick them up. Daughter told me this weekend that he has started dropping them both off at the crossing patrol outside the school.

Besides the fact that I want my DD to have an adult with her until she goes into class because of her age - the school asks parents to supervise all children in the playground until they go in. I was planning to ask him about it in the morning but the more I think about it the more wound up I am feeling, I wouldn't dream of doing that without good reason and without telling the other parent that I had done so.

I wondered if it was because he was late for work - they go into class at 8.55 and he starts work 5mins later, 5 mins away, but it's happened more than once and he hasn't said anything about it so am wondering whether to trust him.

Would I be overreacting to cancel arrangement and start taking daughter in myself?

Make your own alternative arrangements then.

What the school asks for and what the school gets are not one and the same.

Is there actually somewhere safe and legal at the crossing to park? If so I'd probably be ok, but not, as pp said, if they're pulling up or stopping illegally and expected to jump out while the driver keeps the engine running.

But it's not for the neighbour to unilaterally decide not to comply with the school's request, when it's clearly something that the OP thinks is reasonable.

I assume that you can't swap & do the take ins & him the pick ups?

What time do they go into school?

He's never going to have time to supervise them in the playground is he?

I say it's your kid, do what you want.

Kids here walk to & from school at that age, but we are a small town.

Just talk to him about it instead of getting wound up.

Ask him if it is possible for him to drop them off in the timescale, as your dd has mentioned that he is not staying with them.

If you do have to revert to dropping your dd off, I would not cancel bringing the other child home, if it is no bother to you.

By 8 many children are walking to and from school on their own, so if it is a supervised crossing and a small road, I wouldn't worry about it in principle.

I can see why the school would have an issue with it. I am not sure why you do. They sound very safe, just crossing a road then into the school gates. Unless the school complains, I would leave it. On the other hand if you are not happy safety-wise, then yes best to take her yourself. You know the exact situation.

I am presuming from your OP that the crossing patrol is right outside the school.

It is a supervised crossing with a warden, right? You do say crossing patrol anyway.

If that is the case then I would have absolutely no issue with this at all. They are supervised all the way to the gates. If they were 5 then I would be more doubtful, but 7 is fine.

I would just set the ground rules for your child - straight into school after using the crossing patrol and do NOT come back out again for any reason at all.

They're 7 years old, why do they need supervising in the playground? At that age I was walking a mile to and from school daily alone.

If he'd discussed it with you beforehand, it would be fine. Because he didn't, it isn't fine at all. YANBU.

You need to be able to trust him, and he's screwed up.

WHY does the school ask this:
the school asks parents to supervise all children in the playground until they go in?
Every school I have ever dealt with has a teacher or other staff member on playground duty. So that's nuts and I'd ignore it.

At 7, children are well able to use a supervised crossing and go into school. It's a good way to learn some independence.

impossible to opine without more knowledge of the road, traffic and school

Im with you because if I imagine my daughters school they cross a supervised crossing and then have to cross a very tiny road where idiots spin their car around. Twice a week I nearly get hit there. I would be horrified at my 7 year old doing it and she is a very mature girl! It really comes down what the road is like and why the dad has not told you!

Yanbu. My Dd is 7 and a fairly young 7 I would say so I wouldn't be happy with this. Her school only says dc can walk in alone from year 5. I would speak to neighbour nicely and if they don't want to change then I'd end the arrangement.

I wouldn't be happy at all as I said yesterday but my ds school has a very busy road outside and there's so many people milling around is be concerned for his safety. I know my ds and I know he wouldn't be happy with this so someone else making this decision without my knowledge would be totally out of order. He ibu making this decision on your behalf.

YANBU

If the arrangement is to drop them at school, then he should be dropping them at school. If I was feeling really nasty, I'd let him take her in and then call him 15 minutes after school starts saying that school have asked why she's not in...

This wouldn't bother me at all so it may not have occurred to the dad that it would bother you. YANBU to cancel the arrangement if you are not happy.

They need supervising because they might fall orhurtthemselves. But the school can't be held responsible, unless there are designated staff in the yard. The staff will have set times to be on duty, and won't be available before those set times. If a child's hurst itself who are they supposed to go to?

This is why dc need to be supervised until a member of staff becomes available

I don't think it's an issue if all they've got to do is cross with the crossing patrol (and probably lots of other parents) and go into school.

For the junior school most parents drop off a distance away, about 5-10 minute walk with no big roads to cross, as parking's a nightmare. The children love the independence.
Most year 3 parents start by saying they must see them into the school, but by the end of the first term, most year 3 children are begging to be dropped a short distance away so they can walk. Some children are walking considerably further.

YANBU. You had an agreement concerning your young child and he's slacked off without checking with you. Have a word and say you'd prefer him to do as the school asks and stay with the DC until they go into class, and that if this doesn't suit him, that's fine but you'll need to sort out new arrangements for both pick up and drop off. It's perfectly possible to be civil about it.

So the entire school, 11 year olds, have to have a parent bring them into school?
No one is allowed to walk to school alone?

Unless the school allows children to go straight in on arrival, it is being unrealistic in expecting them all to be supervised until they go in. And in fact I suspect the reality is that they don't, no matter what their official stance may be. Most primary schools positively encourage independence as pupils get older, otherwise they are going to be lost when they go to secondary school.