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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU here? Mother's Day, apparently it's my fault.....

102 replies

SmellsLikeBaconOutHere · 15/03/2015 11:33

My 1st MD. DD 9 months. Lovely card & present sent home from fab childminder. Await card from DP on behalf of DD.....crack on with morning housework etc. Get ready to walk dogs, DP says not coming. I get bit upset as last thing I want to do is head out on my own with DD & be surrounded by happy families out walking.....DP turns on me, Well how is he supposed to go out & buy a card or anything if I wont piss out of house? Etc Etc. So now I've been made to feel like I'm in the wrong & am upset & feel my day I was so looking forward to is a bit ruined. AIBU? How was I to read his mind & know that was the plan? Am I BU to think he could have gone to shop of his way home from work yesterday? Feeling sad about the whole thing now & just ignoring messages from everyone asking me how I'm being spoilt etc. Just a card would have chuffed me to bits beyond belief, not after presents or breakfast in bed. Just a card :-(

OP posts:
Panzee · 15/03/2015 11:35

"Piss off out of house"? He said it like that? :( that's not nice.

TakingTheStairs · 15/03/2015 11:35

He's being an arse and blaming be you for his feeling bad.
If he really could only get it today then he would have made an excuse to get out of the house himself.
Call him on it.
Then go for your lovely long walk to get some fresh air for yourself xx

JoanHicksonMIfive · 15/03/2015 11:36

Stay out for the day and you will be happier than at home.

He should have sorted this yesterday and not been so rude. You need to stop being harried wife.

PintofCiderPlease · 15/03/2015 11:37

HeIBU. He's deflecting and being an arse about it. A 9 month old can't help him choose, so he would have chosen himself. As a fully functioning adult he is more than able to pop out to the shops and buy a card.

A simple apology from him for not thinking of it in advance would probably have been sufficient. Even a photo of your DD sent in a txt saying Happy Mothers Day would have been better than nothing.

BolshierAyraStark · 15/03/2015 11:38

Oh dear, of course he could have gone before today.

Clearly lack of communication, mothers day is hard with small DC-mine are old enough now to be excited enough to prompt DH but when they were small I used to give him a nudge in the right direction.

YesPleaseJohnSnow · 15/03/2015 11:38

YADNBU he is being a complete fucking idiot. Buying a card would have taken all of 10 minutes, it just obviously wasn't important to him.

sanityisamyth · 15/03/2015 11:38

I didn't get a card either. I've had D&V for 24 hours so my 14mo son is staying at my STBEH and his GF's house. I've never met her before and she's got my son on Mother's Day.

Hope your day gets better x

Mrscog · 15/03/2015 11:39

He is being unreasonable with rudeness, but to be honest a card from a 9 month old would be meaningless to me. Call him out on the rudeness but drop the importance of Mother's Day for a few years. My 3 year old woke me up saying 'I don't have to be nice to mummy because it's Mother's Day' (dh trying to prompt something) then hit me in the face! So it's a few years off!

pudcat · 15/03/2015 11:41

You got a present and card from your child via the childminder. Is that not enough? Just spend some lovely family time together.

Fairenuff · 15/03/2015 11:41

He is being rude to you but you are also being childish. You say all you want is a card but you already got a card, so why the big drama?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/03/2015 11:43

He does sound like a prat BUT you dd already get a card. Why do you need two?

JustDerppingAround · 15/03/2015 11:43

He sounds like he was rude but it wouldn't have crossed my mind to give the mum of a 9 month old a card. I know lots of people do but I think the card should be from the children so they need to be old enough to understand and be part of it.
Having said that,if you had told your DP you would like a card it would hardly of been difficult for him to get one for you.

Did he get his own mum a card.

claraagain · 15/03/2015 11:46

Sorry confused. You got a present from the chid and a card via the childminder. What else were you expecting? A child made card and gift is the ultimate gift. You want MORE than 1 card and multiple gifts from 1 child?

You need to work out what is important. Spending time with you family including your DP and child with a lovely gift and card (which you should have explained- sounds like you were in a strop about the card before the walk ever came up). Instead your selfish expectations have caused a row. no doubt you will now claim that it is his fault and your day is ruined.

Unbelievable. You got a card- why would another card have made your day>

Original poster
SmellsLikeBaconOutHere · 15/03/2015 11:47

Well I'm more upset about the fact we've fallen out than a lack of card now tbh. Fully appreciate a 9 month old is clueless but was just hoping for a card as a keepsake really. Sorry if that seems U.

OP posts:
engeika · 15/03/2015 11:47

I am sorry I do not understand why a grown woman expects her adult partner to get her a card and present for having had a child and "pretend" it is from a baby. It is completely beyond me.

However it seems I am in the minority here - luckily for the manufacturers of greetings cards and tat.

YesPleaseJohnSnow · 15/03/2015 11:48

IMO it's not actually about the cards but feeling appreciated and the OP obviously doesn't. His attitude towards the OP was ridiculous! He could have made the mother of his child feel loved and appreciated but didn't.

crazylady12 · 15/03/2015 11:49

Some Men just don't think I know people will say it's only mothers day blah, but my partner got me nothing I made a big fuss on fathers day, my eldest stayed at my mum's last night just been to pick her up and I had some lovely presents off the dc courtesy of my mother so glad I have her, Go out and enjoy your walk with your beautiful dd.

SurlyCue · 15/03/2015 11:51

I think the point is that OP wanted her DH to show his appreciation for her on her first mothers day! The first year can be pretty tough, her DH should at least have said this morning that he hadnt had time to get her a card yet but wished her happy mothers day. Instead he has been nasty and not at all pleasant to her. Thats pretty horrible to someone on their first mothers day. Op dont let this set the standard for all the years to come.

Original poster
SmellsLikeBaconOutHere · 15/03/2015 11:51

Thank you JohnSnow, that's exactly what it's about. I do 2 jobs, completing a PhD & do 90% of everything in the house. It's more about a nod of appreciation for everything which would be gratefully received

OP posts:
Nolim · 15/03/2015 11:52

Right, because you need to plan ahead several days to buy a card Hmm

claraagain · 15/03/2015 11:53

but you are not his mother. Not sure why he should get you a card.

Fairenuff · 15/03/2015 11:53

was just hoping for a card as a keepsake really. Sorry if that seems U.

But OP you did get a card.

sonjadog · 15/03/2015 11:55

Maybe as this is the first Mother's Day you've had with your daughter he didn't realise it was such a big deal to you? Talk to him and tell him how important it is to you, and hopefully next year you will be less disappointed.

CatsCantTwerk · 15/03/2015 11:56

engeika I am with You.

Op. Did you really get bit upset or did you have a go at your dh for not getting you something?

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 15/03/2015 11:56

It's very Mumsnet to dislike mothers day. No idea why, most of the country is on board with the idea ohome made cards and breakfast in bed (or similar). With a baby it is an opportunity to feel appreciated by your partner and to acknowledge/celebrate the change in your status to Mum. I get why you are upset.

I would say though, some people don't always "get" what your expectations are first time. Like with birthdays early in relationships. Don't let a spat spoil your first mothers day, chalk it up to experience and make the best of the rest of the day. Going forwardthough you may want to address the lack of respect illustrated in his "piss off out" comment. That was uncalled for regardless of anything else.

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