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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU here? Mother's Day, apparently it's my fault.....

102 replies

SmellsLikeBaconOutHere · 15/03/2015 11:33

My 1st MD. DD 9 months. Lovely card & present sent home from fab childminder. Await card from DP on behalf of DD.....crack on with morning housework etc. Get ready to walk dogs, DP says not coming. I get bit upset as last thing I want to do is head out on my own with DD & be surrounded by happy families out walking.....DP turns on me, Well how is he supposed to go out & buy a card or anything if I wont piss out of house? Etc Etc. So now I've been made to feel like I'm in the wrong & am upset & feel my day I was so looking forward to is a bit ruined. AIBU? How was I to read his mind & know that was the plan? Am I BU to think he could have gone to shop of his way home from work yesterday? Feeling sad about the whole thing now & just ignoring messages from everyone asking me how I'm being spoilt etc. Just a card would have chuffed me to bits beyond belief, not after presents or breakfast in bed. Just a card :-(

OP posts:
DecaffTastesWeird · 15/03/2015 12:29

He sounds extremely rude (clearly feels guilty and taking it out on you). Think you are being a bit over sensitive about the card though. Can't say I would react any differently, but from an outsider's perspective.

post · 15/03/2015 12:36

When my dcs were little they got invited to birthday parties. I took them to buy and wrap present, helped them make a card, explained why, taught them how to hand it over and say 'happy birthday' and then 'thank you for having me'.

I didn't bark at the birthday child, 'I'm not your friend, why should I buy you a present? Wait till your friends are old enough to do it themselves and stop moaning'. Because teaching and leading the way in social niceties and kindness is part of my job.

That's how I see the role of the other parent on mother's/ father's day.

Missdread · 15/03/2015 12:39

YABU for being bothered by the whole thing really. My DH is in Cyprus on detachment fighting IS (remember them?!) and never bothers on behalf of the kids so it's very much a normal day for me and probably hundreds of thousands of other mums. Try and be glad you have a DH here to help... even if it's just bringing you a cuppa today.....Smile Smile

Buttwing · 15/03/2015 12:41

Omg I can't believe people are turning on op! I'd be so pissed off if dp didn't get me a card or make a fuss of me on Mother's Day. He's an arse go out and do something nice just you and dd. He should acknowledge what you do all the time but today is day for you to be especially pampered!

Greydog · 15/03/2015 12:41

No, I don't think you're unreasonable. A card is all it takes - and lets be fair it's such a little thing. I still have my sons first Mother Day card. But, because my ex was such a miserable bugger - I bought it myself!

Original poster
SmellsLikeBaconOutHere · 15/03/2015 12:44

JohnSnow & VanHalen, thank you :-)
I have tried to offer an apology if my expectations were unreasonable but only met with stony silence so that's set the tone for the day now.
I'm not sure who it was who asked if it really was just a case of me being "a bit upset", to be specific, I got a few years in my eyes & simply said that I had perhaps hoped I might have had a card from DD. I am not a shouty naggy type, perhaps just guilty of being a bit emotional at the surface sometimes.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 15/03/2015 12:54

You apologised for having unreasonable expectations and he just ignored you?

Is he a complete cunt all the time?

SurlyCue · 15/03/2015 12:57

Oh here we go with the "youre lucky to have a DH be grateful even if he is a bastard because mine is fighting a war" Hmm

GinnelsandWhippets · 15/03/2015 12:57

Yanbu. Your dh us being an arse.

championnibbler · 15/03/2015 12:57

do you often get the 'stony silence' from him?
he sounds like a bit of a knob to me.

JustDerppingAround · 15/03/2015 12:58

I don't care about Mother's Day because I just don't. It's not because I think it's commercial or because I think I'm too cool. I think, if anything, I find it a bit naff.

I like a bit of a fuss on my birthday and I like a xmas present or two but Mother's Day does nothing for me. I liked it when my DC were school age and they bought things home from school but other than that I am happy to ignore it.
My Mum is of the exact same opinion.

I couldn't be closer to my Mum and I am really close to my adult DC.

I've no problem at all with people who enjoy it and want to celebrate. I think that's great but it's not for me.

I think the OP should have told her DP that she was expecting a card. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to expect a Mother's Day card from my partner or from a baby.

The DP did react like an arse though.

WalkJumpClimb34 · 15/03/2015 13:03

What is your dh like the rest of the time? Not good I bet.

Charlotte3333 · 15/03/2015 13:05

I don't think it's unreasonable to have hoped he'd buy you a card from your DC, not at all. DH here has always bought something with the children, this year they got me pillowcases (sounds crazy, I've got a thing for fancy bedlinen). I'd be hurt if he'd done nothing.

I take the DC's out before Fathers Day and prompt them to buy a card and gift; it might not be how it's supposed to be done, but I like to think it's a day to show him how grateful we are for how hard he works. And vice versa.

paxtecum · 15/03/2015 13:06

Op: your DP is being a mean, miserable arse.

Some women on here are being the same.

If he's messed up buying the card then he should be cooking lunch or dinner, cup of tea I bed, etc.

Is he often mean to you?

sonjadog · 15/03/2015 13:08

The stony silence seems a bit off. Has he reacted like this before when you have taken something up with him?

Missdread · 15/03/2015 13:13

SurlyCue I was just making the point that I would like my DH around today but he's not, he won't be back for another month and it's unutterably shit when you're bringing up three children alone. OPs DH isn't a bastard, he just forgot. Just trying yo put it in perspective!

CrystalCove · 15/03/2015 13:16

Loving all the "But you're not his Mum" posts - I think the OP is well aware of that, a bit of thought and buying a card and signing it from their DD wouldn't have been too much effort. I agree with folk sho says it's only on here you see this. And why point out that she got a card from CM - does that show any thought or effort on her partners part?No.

LastOneDancing · 15/03/2015 13:54

I don't really understand why a man who loves his wife/partner wouldn't want to mark her first Mothers day.

It doesn't take much effort does it? Three minutes on his phone and moonpig or whatever would gave done the rest.

But he didn't think. And there's the problem, not the card or the stuff. I hear you OP.

SurlyCue · 15/03/2015 13:59

Missdread ive been bringing up my dcs alone for 10 years. No-one is coming back to us in a month. Does that mean You shouldnt feel crap because i have it worse? Would you really appreciate me coming onto a thread you posted about being upset and missing your DH to say "suck it up, i have it worse, get things in perspective"?

Fairenuff · 15/03/2015 18:57

Well there you go then, OP. It's like I said, he does not treat you well so why would you expect anything different on Mother's Day.

YesPleaseJohnSnow · 15/03/2015 23:53

Having now read the entire thread, post has got it spot on.
OP I hope you went on to have a good day x

GingerCuddleMonster · 16/03/2015 00:14

OP I know how you feel, me and "d"P have had a row over almost the identical situation, first mothers day and not a thank you or happy mothers day left his lips, like I stated on another thread I was frog marched to Tesco at 8pm last night to select my own flowers and card, a bit pointless, I could have just picked my own flowers up Hmm Anyways it's errupted in to a argument he called me ungrateful and I've given him the money back in cash and told him to forget about it, he's now told me to stop being silly (but has happily pocketed said cash) and is Joe attempting to " make up" for his stupid behaviour.

come fathers day I'm gonna shit in his card Grin.

wanttosqueezeyou · 16/03/2015 00:31

My DH is in Cyprus on detachment fighting IS (remember them?!) and never bothers on behalf of the kids so it's very much a normal day for me and probably hundreds of thousands of other mums. Try and be glad you have a DH here to help... even if it's just bringing you a cuppa today

[yawn]

Because you have a DH in the army everyone else should just be grateful to have a DH that's around??

And MissDread, your DP is in the army that's his choice. The OP's DH just couldn't be bothered.

BrightBlowsTheBroom · 16/03/2015 01:08

I am sorry I do not understand why a grown woman expects her adult partner to get her a card and present for having had a child and "pretend" it is from a baby. It is completely beyond me.

Me too. And the idea of the childminder buying (presumably out of her own money) a card and present and pretending it was from a 9 month old baby. Good grief.

Your husband sounds awful but is because he used the expression "piss off" which I detest but not for forgetting (or more likely not even thinking of) getting you a Mother's day card.

BrightBlowsTheBroom · 16/03/2015 01:16

If you're desperate for mothers day (or valentines day, or any other day really) to getrecognition from your partner then your relationship isn't really working out I'd say

Absolutely. I really don't understand the overwhelming desire to boost the profits of Clinton cards or the need to validate one's worth by getting one.