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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

feeling disappointed

303 replies

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 08:35

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

OP posts:
Ubik1 · 15/03/2015 10:46

It's true

Mother's Day is about home made cards and odd breakfasts. Later we will get a cake .

But I still need to make sure everything is ready fur the week ahead.

Isetan · 15/03/2015 10:47

Wow! It appears there are three toddlers in your house.

Marshy · 15/03/2015 10:49

Op of course you're not vile. I've learnt from experience to make my expectations clear to my dh. I'm old and we have been together a long time. I asked him to remind my teens about mother's day which he did. Up to them what they did though. I'm still waiting for ds - he won't be up for a while yet!

The breakfast sounds lovely and I'm sure you did appreciate it. Tell dh what you want - he's not a mind reader!

TrulyTurtles · 15/03/2015 10:51

Don't let your boys know how disappointed you are in them. To my mind Mother's Day is about these little memories, the kids doing something lovely for you. When you come downstairs to find ds comatose on sofa pissed from last night-then you can whinge.

alwaysstaytoolong · 15/03/2015 10:54

You want a four and six year old to be engaged in conversation about how you do their laundry and cook their meals?. Then what? Show them OBEM so they can see what you went through giving birth?.

They're little kids. They won't have any concept what you do or have done for them till they're much, much older.

You sound like hard work.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 15/03/2015 10:54

The teenager that still lives with me got up and went out completely forgetting it was Mother's Day, didn't say a word.

Of the two that don't live with me any more, I've has one very stilted duty phone call (prompted by his dad texting him yesterday to remind him) and I haven't heard from the other one at all yet. I suspect he had a late and drunken night last night and hasn't yet surfaced.

I have no cards and no presents. Not that I wanted them for the sake of it particularly, but even so….

I would love to get in a time machine and go back to the days when I'd be forced to stay in bed against my will while some sort of unspeakable alchemy went on downstairs, then I'd be presented with a totally inedible but lovingly cooked breakfast, some daffodils, three homemade cards, and three eager little faces all looking at me from the end of the bed. Sad

Even just to see my three all in one place for a few hours would be nice.

Dowser · 15/03/2015 10:55

Their presence is better than presents.

I'm 2000 miles away from my kids and grandkids today.

Nuff said!

Pipbin · 15/03/2015 10:55

how they get their clean clothes, ironed smartly, delish food provided and cooked

I do all that but no one got me a card as I have failed to reproduce.

Idiotdh · 15/03/2015 10:55

I said this week..I don't want any presents, in all sincerity I don't. It's only just been Christmas, I have toiletries galore, am on a diet and its not about the gifts in any case. I asked for a card to be written, if they wanted to,( actually from a store we have already in stock of plain cards) and a nice day. In our house unfortunately there are a lot of opinionated personalities so I asked for an argument free, kind hearted day. My dd came home of her own volition from Uni which I think was quite kind.

grannytomine · 15/03/2015 10:55

Husbands don't always get it do they? I have this thing in my head when I feel he could have done more, I say to myself "He hasn't read the script." We watch TV and films and we have this idea of how it should be, the romantic proposal, him being overcome with emotion when you tell him you are with child, his adoring look when you give birh. What do we get, well what did I get? Shall we get married then? Well I guessed that when you kept throwing up (before the days of tests that seem to tell you that you are pregnant minutes after the event) and I'm dying for a smoke, you're OK if I go outside aren't you.

If only they would read the script.

At least it makes me smile and takes the sting out of things, well almost I do still resent the lack of emotion 44 years ago when I told him I was pregnant. He just wanted to know what was for dinner and seemed quite miffed when pregnancy hormones showed themselves with a real humdinger of an emotional outburst. My image of a serene moment was truly shot then.

silveroldie2 · 15/03/2015 10:56

Dragonfly I don't want you to be sorry - I just want you to think about what you have got and not moan and bitch on here about what you didn't get, that's all.

fuctifino · 15/03/2015 10:56

Aww, now I'm feeling sorry for your ds's. Sounds like they couldn't do right for wrong.

msgrinch · 15/03/2015 10:58

delish.... Confused

LifeHuh · 15/03/2015 10:59

I think YABU. Your children are 4 and 6, they have made you breakfast and cards, that is lovely!
My kids are teen and early twenties - one is still in bed, one is watching cartoons.I know they've got me stuff but it hasn't reached me yet Grin
IMO the nice thing about Mothering Sunday is to get some sign from your children that they care, and effort they have made themselves is worth so much more than things DH has prompted them to do(same for birthdays!)
When your DCs are older, OP, this will be one of your happy Mother's Day memories!

Dowser · 15/03/2015 10:59

I'm with you Don't drink and Facebook.

I used to love Sunday nights when they were teenagers or slightly older and they would all be tucked up in their own beds.

I used to count days when they had moved out when I got to see all three on one day in one place , then it would be three in one day, or one week and so on.

The good old days eh?

CatsCantTwerk · 15/03/2015 10:59

Wow! It appears there are three toddlers in your house.

This ^

DontDrinkandFacebook · 15/03/2015 11:01

Idiotdh that pretty much sums up my feelings on it too. Luckily with two of them having moved out the arguments and heated debates are on the wane, but I miss the stroppy buggers.

insanityscratching · 15/03/2015 11:02

I got a cup of tea and hugs and kisses from the dc who are home and awake. They are the treasured bits, that dh sent me flowers and the oldest ones bought me gifts isn't anywhere near as important.
YABU your dc made breakfast and cards that is the important stuff, that you want gifts and an in depth discussion on your worth makes you sound princessy and spoilt.

Isetan · 15/03/2015 11:02

I get home made cards and a one of a kind piece of art that DD made and I'm good. Not a fan of breakfast in bed and I wouldn't want DD cooking without supervision (not even operating the toaster) and this expectation has been communicated.

This is definitely one of those 'It's the thought that counts' moments.

PegLegAntoine · 15/03/2015 11:03

Badly made breakfast by a small child is a Mother's Day tradition surely!

MyFirstName · 15/03/2015 11:03

My DCs brought me breakfast in bread. I hate breakfast in bed but for one day I year I smile through it because it is they want to treat me and pamper me and they feel it is a perfect start to the day.

They also have both bought me a box of "luxury" chocolates from the PTA mother's day sale. Said chocolates are (well those ones so far sampled) utterly vile. Cheap, nasty ickiness. Urghhh. But do my DCs know this? No well apart from the fact they both did not want to finish the ones they chose I smiled and ate and chose one from the other box to smile and eat.

As PP have said I hope you have not pissed on their excitement.

Have you heard of the expression "It is the thought that counts"? It is you know. And I think you are being very unfair to your DH. He has clearly done quite a bit with your DCs.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/03/2015 11:05

So you've got your bloody potted plan anyway!

QTPie · 15/03/2015 11:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LittleBearPad · 15/03/2015 11:13

Yabvu, time to grow up a little.

JudgeyHotPants · 15/03/2015 11:14

OP, you sound horribly needy and very spoiled. Your children have made an efrort for you, instead of being so bloody ungrateful appreciate what you've got.