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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have reported boy's mother after he confided in me?

148 replies

DemelzaIfOnly · 14/03/2015 22:17

One of my DSs friends asked to speak to me after school yesterday. He has come here after school a few times over the last couple of weeks. I always told him to go and check with his Mum first and he went home to check with her and said it was OK [like an idiot I believed him, instead of actually ensuring I spoke to his Mum myself - he had said he couldn't remember their number].

He confided to me that his mother beats him and his younger siblings [he's 11, they are 5 and 7]. We sat outside for 15 mins or so and talked it over. He said he didn't want to go home.

I explained to him that if what he said was true that I would have to call the police as I could not ignore what he said. I asked him several times, and in different ways to ensure that he really was serious, including explaining that the police would have to speak with him and his mother and that other people might have to be involved.

His Mum did appear on my doorstep when the police were here talking to him [she of course had been going frantic with worry and had ended up here having gone to a mutual friend's who had suggested he may have come here] and I had to hurriedly say that he had said something to me that I was concerned about and that the police were talking to him. One of the PCs then took the mother away to discuss things with her and I haven't seen her since.

He is now staying with me until Monday as apparently they can't make any decisions as no-one else works at weekends. I feel awful as I have taken her child away and she is going to have a shitty Mothers Day. It's messed up my weekend and I have been very short with DH who is in India, as he always seems to ring when I am having a frantic time juggling calls from the police, children's services, my own weekend plans, our 3 DSs and the 'fostered' child [for want of a better word].

I can't think how Mum must be feeling right now and am holding myself together as I know she must be feeling so much worse. Did I really do the right thing?

OP posts:
CowPatRoberts · 14/03/2015 22:19

Yes. It's a difficult decision to make but it's the right one, I think you've handled it brilliantly.

ARoomWithoutAView · 14/03/2015 22:20

Yes.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/03/2015 22:20

Well, if she is beating this boy and his siblings, then absolutely yes, you have done the right thing.

Them having an appalling childhood is far worse than her having a shitty mothers day if she is abusive.

I think you were brave to report it though, it would have been the easy option not to.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 14/03/2015 22:21

Sounds dramatic. I'm surprised you haven't had SS involved?

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2015 22:22

Yes you have done the right thing. He confided in you as he is being abused, you did something about it.

lougle · 14/03/2015 22:22

Where are the other children?

PacificDogwood · 14/03/2015 22:23

Yes, you've done the right thing.
Thanks

hesterton · 14/03/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moveon · 14/03/2015 22:23

where are the younger siblings?

notnaice · 14/03/2015 22:24

I don't think you had any choice. Even if he made it up, then something is amiss in their relationship and now they can access help.

tanukiton · 14/03/2015 22:24

you did the right thing.
It sounds like the police are taking it seriously,

Social services will evaluate and give the woman and children help.

Good luck !

StockingFullOfCoal · 14/03/2015 22:24

Well done for calling the police.

I wish just one of the numerous adults who knew what was going off in my home had had the balls to do so.

PurdeyBirdie · 14/03/2015 22:24

Can't believe you are giving a shiny shit about this misery-making cow. Well done for responding to her child's plea for help.

Donthate · 14/03/2015 22:25

You did the right thing Flowers

ShootPeppaPig · 14/03/2015 22:26

You did the right thing

IF the boy was telling fibs - HE has given her a shitty Mother's Day, not you!

But tbh if a child is willing to disclose to other people, including the police and IS lying - there are other big issues happening at home. I know of one child who claimed DA and later admitted there was none but on investigation it became clear the child was being emotionally abused, they just couldn't express it as they didn't know what EA was and they were in fight/flight mode under the stress of the EA.

pointythings · 14/03/2015 22:26

You did the right thing. You had no other choice. Well done.

AgentZigzag · 14/03/2015 22:26

I don't think you could have done anything else Flowers you did everything possible to be fair to the lad and his mum.

You've put yourself out for him, and it sounds as though he could be in a very desperate situation, it must have been difficult for him to tell you.

Did the police 'leave' him with you then?

Surely he's in a better position now than he was before he told you, and even though it must be awful for his mum (regardless of what's gone on/not gone on) your loyalty must be to him until everything's checked out.

awfulomission · 14/03/2015 22:27

You did right.

BigamusButticus · 14/03/2015 22:27

Where's the duty social worker?
Why did they let you just take him home? Does he not have a father or other family? Where are his siblings?

Samcro · 14/03/2015 22:27

what ever the out come
you did the only thing(and the right thing)
you are a good person

OddBodkins · 14/03/2015 22:28

You have done the right thing without a doubt. I totally understand how distressing this must be for you though. I have to make this sort of decision very occasionally in my job and it is very hard. What's the alternative though?

PacificDogwood · 14/03/2015 22:28

The police will involve SS and make sure the sibs ate at a place of safety.

TwoOddSocks · 14/03/2015 22:28

Yes. You did exactly the right thing. Not reporting it would be unforgivable. You must be a very approachable, empathetic person for him to have confided in you.

MincePieDiet · 14/03/2015 22:28

I always thought the role of SS emergency team was to cover weekends and nights. Plus it seems odd that they have left the boy in your care. There are set procedures for this kind of incident and I don't think they been followed.

liveloveluggage · 14/03/2015 22:28

You had to tell someone what he told you, SS are used to dealing with these things. If it turns out she is basically a good person who is maybe struggling with discipline they will consider that differently to if she is being abusive.