AIBU or was this mum deeply unpleasant and really quite weird?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

When I collected DS from nursery just now, there was a large car parked directly in front of the door. It's a very small car park, so because of where this car was, it was also blocking the exit and halfway in the 'best' parking space (i.e. the one closest the door, which people usually go for first).

If it had been a one-off, I would have let it go. But both DH and I have noted that this same woman has parked similarly inconsiderately on a number of occasions. A couple of weeks ago, she parked blocking the entrance when the car park was actually empty, so I had to park on the road in the middle of a huge puddle.

When I got out of my car, she was already driving off so I just sort of frowned in her general direction. DH and I had talked before about asking nursery staff to have a polite word with her, so I decided to say something. As I was talking to the staff member, I heard this shouting outside and this woman came storming back over and shouted at me:

"No, I saw you giving me a filthy look, if you've got something to say you can say it to my face!"

I started to explain, and she shouted me down and said (again quite aggressively) that she hadn't bothered to park properly because she thought she would be the last one there.

I said that actually, her parking had caused problems in the past as well. She then leaned in towards me and shouted

"EXCUSE ME! MY SISTER IN LAW IS RIDDLED WITH CANCER SO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE!"

Then she walked off.

I swear, this is absolutely true. I'm not missing anything out. The conversation literally went from: "Er, well, actually..." to "CANCER!"

How on earth do I deal with this woman next time I see her?

My husband had cancer, I didn't realise it entitled him or myself to behave rudely and aggressively to others, and not to have to obey basic parking etiquette and show consideration for others.
Yes she might be stressed, but I imagine that most people will have someone close to them suffering from cancer or some other awful illness at some point, if everyone who had severe stress in their lives behaved like this then it would be chaos.

Just want to say, and to all on here who have similar or worse issues than wonky parking cow, and are dealing with them with far more dignity.

If she'd said something like: "Look, this is what I'm dealing with at the moment, I'm at the end of my rope, sorry if I blocked you in but be thankful that's all you have to worry about" (not that she'd know, of course)... then I'd understand and feel really bad for her. But that really wasn't the tone. Hard to explain, but she sounded almost triumphant, like she was playing her trump card.

I'm with Pictish and calling crap on the illness front too.
And it's still no reason to behave like that.
One of these days she'll pull that stunt with someone who is seriously themselves.

I'm sorry but it really doesn't matter what her problems are, it doesn't give her the right to a) park wherever she wants inconveniencing others at the same time or b) act like a dick.

You do not need to modify your behaviour when you next see her, she should be mortified and apologise to you.

'We're all human'

Yes, yes we are, so we're all entitled to be treated with basic courtesy and respect and not be outlandishly emotionally blackmailed into backing down when challenging someone over something unreasonably causing us problems that they have the power and means to avoid.

Who knows maybe she's gone away, mulled it over and is now regretting it. That's fine but no reason why the op should suddenly decide that actually the confrontation can be forgotten and disregard it as her only impression of that person.

I can sympathise as im sure I've been a twat to people when stressed, but if it was a complete stranger I'd attempted to make feel like shit I would fully expect them to mark my card as a twat. Until I'd attempted to make amends anyway.

If I behave like a twunt could I have a cream egg too?

I know where I'd want to stick the cream egg.

One of my closest friends has cancer, does this permit me to behave like a shouty bellend from now on? OP, the woman is obviously a fucking loon and needs to shove her attitude up her badly-parked arse.

I frown at people sometimes. It might be passive-aggressive but parking like a selfish prick is also passive-aggressive, plus sometimes if you see something unacceptable, what should you do with your face, smile and waggle your eyebrows? Facial expressions are there for a reason; I frown at my children sometimes when I see them doing something I don't like; they register my frown and mostly regulate their behaviour. An adult should be able to frown at another adult without it escalating into something off Jeremy Kyle.

Well she was right, if you got something to say stop being a coward and giving side eyes and speak.

ooo that's fighting talk where I come from....

If she'd just left her sil's bedside where she'd just received the diagnosis you'd excuse a one off moment of wankery. If she's a serial offender she probably shouldn't be driving if her relative's illness is causing her such a distraction she can't park. As many MNers who are themselves sadly suffering from cancer have said they can still stick a car between 2 white lines so really this woman is just a dick who wanted to make you feel bad & close the conversation down. If others have complained as the nursery say then leave them to deal with it.

I can't stand creme eggs. If I promise to behave myself and park considerately, will you lot promise not to give me any, ever? Please?

Is it a safeguarding issue how she parks? If so nursery should be dealing with it anyway.

If you felt threatened then nursery should be dealing with that too.

And I don't believe the cancer story it's a way of shutting you down and anyway it Makes no sense.

Is it only me thinking why didn't you just ask her to move up a bit? Or ask staff to put a sign up or send a note out, can people just park in one space so others can get in?

yeah give her a creme egg.

preferably launched from a catapult

People like this unhinged female are precisely why others are afraid to say anything. If that is her reaction to a look, she'd provably go at your kneecaps with a tyre iron if you dared to actually say something.
Sod the creme egg. Next time take a photo and put it on that website (youparklikeacunt?)

Yeah give her a creme egg. Stick it up her fucking exhaust.

Creme egg - priceless!

I'm not sure what I find most shitty - the inconsiderate parking or the game of personal crisis "top trumps".

Lots of people deal with awful issues but don't use them as rationale for being deeply unpleasant to other people.

She comes across as a bully frankly and was totally out of order.

sqibble when someone parks as inconsiderately as that, you know they already don't give a fuck, and your instinct tells you not to approach directly.

I wish I could find the "worst advice you've read on Mumsnet" thread so I could nominate "give a creme egg to a crap Parker who verbally abuses you" suggestion.

It's already there Katie (not me I add). I think creme egg advice poster and 'buy the angry woman in the toilet a cuppa' posterposter should get together.
A friendship made in heaven that one.

This thread has made me giggle. "Give her a creme egg" is going to be my new response to everything.

Husband cheating on you? Poor bastard is having a stressful time at work, give him a creme egg.
Friends purposefully excluding you from social occasions? Creme egg!
Child throwing a tantrum in Sainsbo's? You know...it creme egg, baby!

Wayfaring, this advice has limitations. What happens between April and December? Is a mars bar an acceptable substitute? It's a minefield I'm telling you