AIBU or was this mum deeply unpleasant and really quite weird?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

When I collected DS from nursery just now, there was a large car parked directly in front of the door. It's a very small car park, so because of where this car was, it was also blocking the exit and halfway in the 'best' parking space (i.e. the one closest the door, which people usually go for first).

If it had been a one-off, I would have let it go. But both DH and I have noted that this same woman has parked similarly inconsiderately on a number of occasions. A couple of weeks ago, she parked blocking the entrance when the car park was actually empty, so I had to park on the road in the middle of a huge puddle.

When I got out of my car, she was already driving off so I just sort of frowned in her general direction. DH and I had talked before about asking nursery staff to have a polite word with her, so I decided to say something. As I was talking to the staff member, I heard this shouting outside and this woman came storming back over and shouted at me:

"No, I saw you giving me a filthy look, if you've got something to say you can say it to my face!"

I started to explain, and she shouted me down and said (again quite aggressively) that she hadn't bothered to park properly because she thought she would be the last one there.

I said that actually, her parking had caused problems in the past as well. She then leaned in towards me and shouted

"EXCUSE ME! MY SISTER IN LAW IS RIDDLED WITH CANCER SO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE!"

Then she walked off.

I swear, this is absolutely true. I'm not missing anything out. The conversation literally went from: "Er, well, actually..." to "CANCER!"

How on earth do I deal with this woman next time I see her?

What a peculiar woman. Crap parker, aggressively defensive, hair trigger temper and for some reason believes that her sister in law having cancer means she can do whatever she wants.

Well, there is no arguing with anyone like that because she'll probably thump you and then discover a relative whose granny went to school with a man whose next door neighbour has suppurating boils on his bum.

So clearly you are being unreasonable in expecting such a strange person to park where she doesn't block others in and accept she's a prat.

reassuring to know you aren't the only person to be the victim of her rage. At least it isn't personal!

if she has another pop at you - give her a bright smile and say "I know, it is a lovely day, isn't it? So lovely to see all the spring bulbs coming out."

that'll larn her. And confuse her into the bargain.

I'm going to go against the grain here.

It sounds as though she is hugely stressed, and whilst that doesn't excuse bad behaviour it can make it understandable.

It sounds as though you glaring at her and moaning at her to the nursery staff was just too much for her to take.

She's probably mortified and worrying about what to do when she sees you next.

Maybe smile and show a bit of kindness? If she's rude then, I'd agree give her a wide birth. You can afford to be magnanimous as you've done nothing wrong.

I don't really understand how someone parking inconsiderately in an empty carpark meant you had to park in a puddle in the road

I also don't really get all the angst over car parking. If she's blocking the exit then the nursery should have told her not to do so but if, as it sounds from what she said, that she's usually one of the last to pick up and just pops in and out, then I don't really get all the fuss.

I think she went straight to telling you about her SIL because that's what's on her mind, not her parking. It doesn't excuse her behaviour. Obviously she shouldn't have shouted or parked inconsiderately but it's not your car park so I'd let it go to quote Frozen . I don't think she was deeply unpleasant or weird.

Quite understand that the offender might have more important things on her mind, but by the same token how does she know that Jesus isn't facing horrors in her life as well? (I hope you're not, OP!)

I'm inclined to think she's a forummer- maybe even a mnetter...

It just sounds like a completely bizarre 0-60 you-should-give-me-a-break-for-circumstances-you-have-no-earthly-way-of-knowing exchange.

Bollocks were you unreasonable throwing her a dirty look. It's ur of her to presume that blocking an entrance is fine because it's her and she's got problems.

You don't need to do anything except hold your head high because the woman is a self entitled twat.

I'm all for cutting people a break if they're finding things tough, that doesn't include being their whipping boy, being unnecessarily inconvenienced by them without so much as a please or thank you.

We all have problems - it's not a licence to treat everyone else like shit and expect them to carry on smiling sweetly.

'Yeah well my neighbour's best friend's son gets terrible migraines so I reckon I can dirty look you all I like - HOW'S THAT FOR PERSFUCKIN'PECTIVE?'

Well, if you're going to see her loads at pick ups and so on then I would cut her a break.

Next drop off give her a cream egg, and say that it must be tough to be going through such a shit time. Be nice to her. Then ask the nursery to deal with her parking issues!

She sounds like a cow, but honestly, she's probably having a really hard time right now and possibly just got her on a bad day. For you, an inconvenience. For her, literally not even a thing that registers on her radar and she's pissed off to have been brought up on it

My husband has cancer and it has never been and never will be an excuse to be so entitled. Amazingly enough we still both manage to follow laws, rules and social norms.

Actually this reminds me of my daft mum, who has just been told her advanced cancer is incurable. She said that yesterday she jumped a red light on purpose and then parked on double yellows in a 'fuck you, world' moment. I love her so much ??

Disclaimer: temp traffic lights on a quiet rural road and clearly nothing coming. Not that badass, obvs.

APlace Sorry, didn't explain that bit very clearly. She was parked right in the entrance to the (empty) car park, so nobody else could get in. No idea why, it's almost like she was spoiling for a row. And there wasn't any angst till she went medieval on my ass I mean, there was a frown, but no angst.

pictish Staff member asked if I was OK, and mentioned that other parents had complained too. Then I had DS talking nineteen to the dozen and decided to leave it at that.

coola Hope your sister in law is doing OK and Celibacy oh.... that would have been the ultimate comeback! "Your motherrrr was a hamstair, and your father smelt......OF ELDERBERRIES!"

Twinkle tbh I'd love it if it ended in a mutual apology! I get very stressed by shouty confrontations. I suspect it won't happen though. She honestly didn't sound that distressed - just fucking scary

Pag so sorry.

fireside I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm not saying her behaviour is ok, but people behave and reacte to things differently.

At the nursery we used, if the staff became aware of this sort of thing they would insist that the car was moved before they released the child, when one fuckwit blocked me in they actually removed the car seat from her hands and said 'no move your car first'

That soon stopped the bastards

Give her a Creme egg?

Only on MN.

She's a rude entitled bitch who acts like this because when people step up to her she kicks off. She is a bully. Fuck her!

People like this drive me nuts. Both of my parents are dying and I'm very stressed about the whole thing but I can still park my car. I can still behaved in a civilised manner because I am not a bullying, shrieking WankBadger. Park right behind her the next time and block her obnoxious arse in.

Don't be nice to her, she doesn't deserve it.

Give her a creme egg.
Gosh.

I actually have cancer and I still park between the lines in a sensible fashion. I feel cheated now.

Give her a creme egg is priceless!
Yeah, because bad behaviour needs to be rewarded so that the perpetrator can carry on behaving like a prat in the fond believe this us the way to chocolatey goodness for free.
Why not treat her to a spa day too?

The creme egg scenario sounds like a Monty Python sketch.

Creme egg! Really?

We never know what's going on in other people's heads though. She's inconsiderate and she's upset about other things. She may be utterly miserable and sleep deprived caring for a relative with a critical illness and burning the candle at both ends with the childcare while struggling with debt. Or she may just be inconsiderate.

I don't like all the condemnation here. We're all human.

Next drop off give her a cream (sic) egg

Who knew that life's troubles could be solved by the inexplicable and seemingly random distribution of confectionery...?

fireside and lapsed I'm really sorry. That's part of what's bothering me about this. There are so many people out there who have lost loved ones or had cancer themselves. However close she is to her SIL (not that close I'm guessing, if she describes her as 'riddled' with it), it's shitty to just throw it in people's faces just to win an argument.

Actually, I quite liked the crème egg suggestion. I'm going to prong it on the end of a very long stick and get a sturdy chair like a lion tamer, then sidle up to her very gingerly, egg first.

I understand the sentiment behind the chocolate offering actually, but none of us know if she's actually having a hard time.
It's more likely that she's an aggressive loon who likes to shut down discussion with stupid statements she thinks people can't argue with.

She'd not be getting a creme egg from me...put it that way.

We're all human, yes. And we all understand how to park too.

Smudge You should definitely be parking badly. (Hope you're not the SIL)

Bloody hell I missed a trick there, when my first husband was sick I could have parked on the M1 and gone for a picnic, who knew!