Refusal to discuss formula feeding at parentcraft class

[obeliaboo]

AIBU? Ready for the fire!
I've been told that in order for me to have a tour of my chosen hospital's delivery suite, that i need to attend 'parentcraft' classes.
Yesterday was exclusively about breastfeeding, fair enough, didnt know that of course until we got there.
So, as the midwife goes on about breastfeeding and support, I enquire what is the support for those who fall into small percentage of mums who cannot breastfeed. Simple question.
"What do you mean?".
I had to ask again, and put it across that i intend to breastfeed, but what if i cant, what if my milk doesn't come in. It happens, it happened to my eldest sister, its nothing to be ashamed of so whats the harm in asking and what is the support in that situation.
"We don't discuss artificial feeding".
Seriously?? I understand the necessity to promote breastfeeding is a priority for the NHS, because it seriously needs normalising, but to just object to even touching on the subject of formula feeding really riled me. I felt like i was at a propaganda session! She instead continued to address breastfeeding and a specific brand of electric breast bump at a specifc well known retailer.
Is this what the NHS supports? Big business's and there overpriced products (the specific one mentioned was over £100, I am not in a position to be able to afford something like that for a start), under the guise that 'breast is best', its the best start for baby - and insinuating that formula is the devil when for some poor souls, it is the only option?
AIBU for finding this absolutely snotty and condescending? There are mums out there who are underconfident, or genuinely don't lactate, mums who have gone through breastcancer and mastectomies etc, so why are these midwives refusing to even consider discussing both options.
Why make it militant and harder for those who simply can't, to speak up without feeling ashamed?
FYI this is the 3rd midwife i've had ranting at me over this.

I FF my first and did it wrong in hindsight. I used to mix powder with bottled water then put it in the microwave to warm it up to the right temperature. So actually FF is not that straight forward after all

Glad to hear she's fine now Dixie

My memories of that time are tinged with an awful lot of worry and guilt and sadness. We should have been enjoying those moments instead of stumbling on just about coping. The very people who were supposed to be supportive just melted away for both bf and ff.

Don't assume that what this midwife says is NHS policy. It's not. It's that particular persons own preference to refuse discussing formula feeding and they should have offered their support on the matter.

Even so what did you really want to specifically know? Because the Internet is literally bursting with sources of information and there really isn't too much to learn about formula feeding....

Don't let the midwives try to bully or persuade you to do something you're not comfortable doing. Remember that YOU are the patient and it's your decision to make!!!

Peachy your question would be answered by reading this thread

Many are dismissing formula feeding as too simple to need support, and yet BF one of the pros of BF is how uncomplicated it is. So uncomplicated it needs this day of advance training, plus support once you start.

That being said: before BF was being pushed, the NHS went to a great deal of trouble to make sure mothers understood the ins and outs of sanitation and properly making up formula to the correct dilution, and to only feed formula, not juice, or tea, or cow's milk or any number of other fluids. Many hospitals still have a kitchen-like room built for training purposes back then. Given the 'Are People really that stupid?' thread that's been popular the last few days, not supporting those who can't/won't BF by offering what they used to seems foolhardy.

Haven't read the thread, sorry, it's getting late.

I am amazed at the amount of support BFing mothers expect to get for free on the NHS, never mind formula feeding. As it's the national HEALTH service, and breast feeding is better for health, I can understand the value in the NHS investing in bfing support. But formula feeding isn't better for health, and the NHS is not there to do the job of fathers and families who could help tired mums sort out a bottle and read some info.

It's ridiculous how much support people expect from the state. I'm not saying that ff parents couldn't do with some support, but it think that's something families need to sort out for themselves and not expect the state to just hand them on a plate because they turn up pregnant.

Of course there should be help if a mother is unable to feed while she's still in hospital, and there should be better support for women who have a MH illness like PND. But we don't need to infantilise adult women who could achieve the same thing just by talking to other women.

MkDaddy, not every FF mother has access to the internet, nor the good sense to sort the wheat from the chaff on Google, especially post partum when even the parents of the nost agreable and easy going baby ever will be exhausted, and probably receiving conflicting advice from both mothers and the nosey lady next door. Being able to say you are doing what the midwife or doctor told you too is a great shield for the unconfident, no matter how they are feeding the baby.

How much "support from the State" people expect? Really?
I think you're on the wrong thread. This one isn't about benefits scroungers

I have read some of it since I posted. So far, I stand by what I said.

because 20mins during a antinatal class is really going to stretch the NHS or the HV/MW during her/his visit going "this is what you do..." Yeah that's going to cause huge financial burdens.

I've found as a bf peer supporter that all women need support, regardless of feeding method.

I've struggled personally, as I'm a laid back type of person, that I'm not allowed to spend time supporting mums that have had to switch to formula feeding for one reason on another.

I have one pamphlet (nhs sourced) on bottle feeding, and that is for my reference only.

It's frustrating, as some mothers have so much emotion tied up with breast/bottle feeding.

I had one mum in tears that she had been told at an antenatal class that only a small percent of women cannot Breastfeed. But I then asked her what attributes did she think that statistic was based on. And then what percent would it be if her situation applied to the equation.

New mums should feel supported no matter what, should they need it.

My point and question, was what is the support for mums who cannot breastfeed - NOT, what is the support for mums who choose to formula feed, that is not related to my question, i'm asking about mothers who do not lactate for whatever reason.

I wholly support both, and i do feel breastfeeding does need the promotion and normalisation, however as i and many other posters have said (thank you for sharing your experiences) there is a demonisation about formula and some of the responses to this thread, highlight that point. Propaganda about breastfeeding is awful and conjures up a sort of clique attitude that because some mums choose or are forced to choose formula, that they are lesser than which i feel is wrong, especially by other mums and medical professionals. It should be EQUAL and approached with empathy and understanding without making anyone feel shit about themselves at all.
I am asking about the emotional support for the patient and her newborn. The care, the approach, not 'here's a bottle, here is some powder, off you go, dead easy'.
Neither breast feeding or bottle feeding are easy, if it were we wouldn't be having this discussion, you wouldnt see so many frustrated and desperate mums asking for help, asking what they were doing wrong and feeling as though they are awful parents because they cant get baby to feed properly whether it is breast or formula.

This midwife refused to answer a simple question, would not say how mums who cant lactate are supported, and instead promoted a brand of breast pump from a major retailer.

Crikey I'm glad my ff dd is 9 with all this judging going on! I was never made to feel bad at the time. Only since I discovered mn.

I struggle to believe that NHS stuff are not allowed to give guidance on FF of that's what the new mum requests for whatever reason. That's utterly wrong.

if that's what the new mum requests

Yanbu at all OP. This would have upset me and made me quite angry.

I was never able to breast feed, knew I would be unable to before being pregnant. I also don't wish have to explain the reasons for that to strangers or random HCP's I'm unlikely to see again (so, at parent craft classes or similar).

I would have felt quite unhappy about the willingness to even speak about FF. I would have felt unwelcome and inadequate at a class like this. How horrible.

Some people are asking what there is to diacuss regarding formula feeding....as the instructions are on the box. Well for me i had absolutely no idea ! First baby. Decided to formula feed (dont need to explain my reasons my choice) and after i had given birth to ds in a lovely very small midwife leD unit, i was taken to the kitchen by a midwife and shown how to use a steriliser and how to sterilise the bottles and also how to make a bottle told about making them with boiling water and then cooling them and shown the correct temp to give it to baby. This for me was very valuble and i honestly think i would have been completely stressed out going home from hospital after feeding him with ready made bottles with no idea how to make a bottle and having to read the instructions on everything !
I think they should be supportive of everyone regardless of whether they breastfeed, cant breastfeed or just decide they dont want to breastfeed

For us formula feeding was definetely the best decision and i dont regret it at all. I would like to try and breastfeed my next so im not against it at all it was just that it wasnt going to suit my circumstances at the time with ds1

I'm probably going to get flamed for this but as a side note for those who want need a little support with FF,

when I was really struggling with FF DS I spoke to the baby club attached to my formula brand and in all honesty the person I spoke to was fantastic and explained how to graduate in a new formula and avoid upsetting DS's tummy even if I did sob at her for 10minutes.

If I had known that I was going to FF I would have conducted hours, probably days, of research into all aspects.

As it was because I fully bought into breast is best I not only didn't do any research I also had no formula, no bottles, no sterilising equipment when I arrived home with a baby I physically couldn't feed. I had to dash out and buy whatever I could find in the local shops and muddle along.

If the midwife I spoke to when I was pregnant had been honest and told me I seriously needed to contemplate FF I could have prepared. If the staff in the hospital had been frank and told me FF was my only realistic option my DH could have bought equipment and supplies before I took my baby home. A little support would really have helped us.

Incidentally I was breast fed as a baby and all the mums I made friends with breast fed so nobody in my circle had any insights to offer me with FF.