My friend keeps using this racist term

[Mrsbird311]

A really good friend has on the last couple of occasions used this term to describe someone from Pakistan each time I've said to her that people don't use that term and that it's very offensive but she won't have it, she says its just short for Pakistan, like we would call a Scottish person a scot, I don't see it like this and told her that it is really offensive she then got cross with me and said I'd gone all PC on her, I told her she sounded like an Alf garnet type bigot, I know she isn't a racist person in the slightest but she can't see this is offensive who is BU?

I'm fairly sure the lads that screamed "paki" at me from across the road a couple of years ago weren't abbreviating "pakistani" ...it's very much still a racist term in my experience. It's sad, I thought we as nation were a bit more enlightened.

Ugh - just looked up those 2 phrases on google - how unpleasant!

I wouldn't say she is racist, I'd say she is ignorant and needs educating on it. From the outside looking in, people would think she is racist which won't have any positive outcomes! If the person being called that name doesn't like it, don't use it.

I've never heard budbud dingding but freshie means fresh off the boat from India.

I despise the word p and I would cut people off if they used it in front of me. When my ancestors and I get shouted at in the streets it's not like we're like ooh they think we're Pakistanis they mean they think we're scum. It's racist full stop.

Especially as she used it to describe an Indian - so all brown people basically. How offensive.

I don't get 'freshie' either but never mind, I don't think I want to know.

'cos they've reclaimed the word but only they can use it or some such bollox?'

It isn't bollocks. People use lots of words about themselves that other people shouldn't. This may seem like a silly analogy but I might refer to myself as a cunt. God help anyone else who calls me a cunt. It really doesn't make it ok for anyone to call anyone else a cunt (unless we are friends and understand exactly what we mean by cunt, how we are saying it, and that it's 100% not going to offend or upset, or be overheard by anyone else as they might be offended or upset).

No idea what a freshie is but bud bud ding ding is definitely racist. Goodness Gracious Me might have used the term but the term predates the show by at least a couple of decades. It's a horrid mocking phrase really. I hadn't heard it since my childhood and was really taken aback to hear a grown man use it. Sadly I was cowardly and didn't challenge him. I suspect he knew full well he was a racist and didn't care.

It isn't a nice word and I don't use it but everyone I know from pakistan and India does indeed use it in a day to day way. I never know how to respond and it make me uncomfortable as I don't think their parents would use it in the same way as they are the generation it has been thrown at ifswim?

It's a disgusting word. I hate it and would never use it. You were right for calling her on it OP. It can be difficult when it's friends.

I had the p word thrown at me all the time growing up Indian in 1970s and 1980s Kent. I don't care whether some people today simply use it as shorthand or have reclaimed it like the n word but it sends shudders down my spine still. The p word is too loaded in the UK to be used innocently (and I know a lot of other Indians, Pakistanis who would never use this word either).

My sisters dp uses it and freshie I had never heard anyone say either before. Not sure how he would feel about non asians using it though! I am going to ask him

Slightly unrelated anecdote:

I got banned from our local convenience store back in Cardiff. It was a chilly night, so as I walked into the shop I shivered and greeted the Asian lady behind the counter with "Hi! Cor, bit parky, isn't it?". She completely misunderstood what I'd said, not being familiar with certain British colloquialisms. I tried to explain, but that just made it worse...

I. Was. MORTIFIED.

I told my (Indian) housemate when I got home and she pissed herself laughing.

I do know people of Pakistani origin that use it, DH works with a few. Similar to how black people use nigga or a gay person uses faggot. Maybe trying to reclaim it. Difference is they're not using it in a derogatory manner and it's their word to reclaim.

I've never used it, never wish to. It's been unacceptable for many years now and widely known to be offensive. Your friend is a dick. at Australia.

I've never heard anyone of Asian origin use either of the terms unless referring to a racist incident.

I think as a white person, using those phrases in leicester would most likely seen me beaten up.

At best op's friend is uneducated and of the school of thought that terms like coloured are ok (took my parents ages to grasp that one). But she's been educated now so if she persists then she's racist.

Well it depends where you are in the world. In many countries it has never been used as a derogatory term, so is perfectly acceptable to those societies as a shortened word, like Scot, Brit, Aussie etc.

However, she is clearly in the UK, where it has been used as a derogatory term for generations, therefore, she is a racist and it is hugely offensive.

I find it so offensive that even in countries where it's not used in a negative way, I would baulk at it's use and never use it myself.

Er as an Asian I find the term so so so so offensive! I hate it when other Asians use it it's just a horrible word with bad connotations.

Quite frankly if this is a "new" thing I'd be telling her to stop before she says it in public again and gets in serious trouble for it.

It's racist. You can't stop her using it, but you can point out that just as she is free to use it all the time, other people are free to think her an antiquated bigot for doing so - and they will.

Also, regardless of whether or not it is racist (it is, just so no one jumps on me!), the term is etymologically/geographically/ethnically etc incorrect.

For the other "Stans", the descriptor for the people is Afghan, Uzbek, Turkmen etc - not Afghani (which is in fact the currency). So even if Pakistan were like Afghanistan, the shortened form would be "Pak".

However, the country Pakistan is based on an acronym from the 20s or 30s referring to the names of the relevant bits of the north-western provinces of the British Raj (not all of them feature, but Punjab, Afgania (the North West Frontier) and Kashmir are the P, A and K of Pakistan). So there has never been a Pak people, so neither Paki or Pak are correct.

Ignoring all that, which is irrelevant, whilst being of interest to me, the term in this country has been and continues to be used in a pejorative fashion. As such, given she isn't Pakistani, she can't "reclaim" the word. And to compound the offence, she is talking about someone who is Indian - she really isn't coming over well at all. At best, she doesn't care that she is using offensive/racist language. I personally would read that as she is herself racist.

I'd be interested to know if she uses it in public, around people of Asian ethnicity, or whether this is a word she saves for private. I suspect the latter, therefore she knows it's wrong really and still chooses to use it.

Also, what's her stance on the n-word? (FYI I hate censoring words when everyone knows what word I mean, but I really don't want to use the word itself)

Just because some people use words in a bid to reclaim them doesn't mean it's ok for me, as a white person, to use them. I don't understand how some people don't see that!

Scot is not a shortened word. I'm pretty sure that the word Scot predates the word Scottish.

As in Queen or King of Scots, for example

Fair point.

of course she is being racist she knows the term is not acceptable to use but chooses too anyway

my dad sometimes uses it (he is Asian, not from Pakistan but has been called p*ki many many times because well he is brown and has an accent) it is used in a way to be amusing yes I laugh being told off my cousins daughter for using the word I found even more amusing

Oh, and, for the avoidance of doubt and with reference to your earlier post, OP- "pansy" is really offensive unless you are talking about flowers.