AIBU to be absolutely peed of about this summons to school about attendance???

[Tootsie1984]

Hi all.

Have not posted for a while and this could be long.

My little girl started reception 3rd September 2014.

For some reason she has caught nearly every bug that is going around. I never keep her or her older sister off unless it is really bad. Like I will send them in with a cold but not if they have high temperatures or are generally to weak to move/ sleeping all the time.

So yesterday had a letter from the school complaining about my 4 year old's attendance.

It is at 71.3% which I know is low but she has never been kept off for anything other than she was poorly.

I go by the schools rules. So if she has a sickness diarrhea then I always keep her home for the 48 hours after it is stopped.

3 times she has been sent home from school after being sick there. Once was after she had the Monday and Tuesday off with raging temperature etc. Sent her back the next day as though she was still coughing she seemed fine. After lunch she was running about outside and was a little bit sick. So picked her up and she was unable to go on the Thursday or Friday because of their rules even though she was not sick again.

Another time was she was sick (again after lunch in playground) had to keep her home for 2 days again even though she seemed fine after but they will not take them back until after the 48 hours.

Another time she did have a proper bug and ended up with 3 days off as she kept being sick through that day and part of the next as well (then it was the weekend).

She had impetigo and was given cream and antibiotics. Was told she was not allowed back in to school for 48 hours (school told me this) because then she was no longer infectious so she had 3 days off (including day taken to docs).

She has had a chest infection before christmas which was really bad and she had a week off. She has problems with her chest and has done since she was a baby.

My daughter is 4 and will be 5 end of May

So AIBU to have kept her off when she is really poorly or am I supposed to just dose her up with calpol and send her in anyway???

I have never experience this before as my eldest has fairly rare beein ill and has gone terms where she has had 100% attendance.

Sorry this is wrong I just feel really bad now like I have done the wrong thing keeping her off when ill. But I have only been following the schools rules on it all.

they have said her attendance should be 95.6%.

I am required to go to a meeting with attendance officer 20th March to discuss what we can do to improver her attendance over the next 4 weeks.

I mean what am I meant to say??? What have I done wrong when I have followed all the guidelines in place? I am now terrified to keep her off if she is ill as scared I will get into real trouble.

I don't know why she seems to be catching every illness that goes around. And she does struggle with being in full time school. I do now wish I had deferred her for the year.

I just feel so upset and like a bad mum because obviously I am doing something wrong.

Please could anyone offer me some advice on what I can say at the meeting? I just feel scared :(

OP please don't worry.

This is a normal thing, whatever the tone of the letter.

I was asked to go into school as part of a group of parents to meet with the school attendance officers as they are trying hard to shake off the scary image. I wasn't asked for any other reason than they needed a cross section of parents to talk to the AO, not many parents volunteer for things, and they know I can usually be relied upon to turn up for school things that need a parent to be there.

DS's attendance at that time was at 100% (Foundation 2, so age 4/5), and stayed at 100% until the end of the school year. But the year before (Foundation 1, so age 3/4) it was only 89% for the whole year as he had had every illness going, including one that meant I had to take him to hospital several times because he couldn't breathe.

This year (Year 1, age 5/6) his attendance was in the low 90's the last time I spoke to his teacher about it (about six weeks ago) as he had been sent home twice with a vomiting bug and had to take the 48 hours off after that stopped. In total he missed six days at school for those two bugs as one of them fell right before Christmas and he missed the last three days, but he hasn't been off since, so his attendance will be slowly climbing up again.

He still insists that he was only sick the first time because they made him eat fish pizza for school dinner, which to be fair would have made me sick as well He was only sick that once, so he had to take three days off school because of a pizza he didn't like.

It happens, especially in the younger years while their immune systems are still building up.

The AO I met was very friendly, very reassuring, said that they don't want to punish parents for having a sick child or force a sick child into school.

They just need to find out what's happening and see how they might be able to help. Hopefully your AO will be as approachable and friendly as ours is and it will just be a chat about her illnesses and some reassurance for you.

Also, we are still only just over halfway through the school year. If your daughter isn't ill next term that attendance figure will go back up again so she can finish the year with more than 71% attendance.

Floggingmolly I didn't advocate being belligerent or not engaging with the school.I advocated being assertive and not jumping through their ridiculous hoops.

I was sent a letter like this when my 13 year old DD had a quite high absence rate one term. I sent an email along the lines of
'I can confirm my Dc was ill on each occasion, as advised at the time.She enjoys school I cannot see any point to the meeting suggested, unless you know a way to stop her catching ilnesses.
They rang up to apologise

smellyfish sorry but your course tutor is talking bollocks.My DCousin is a social worker and has a huge caseload dealing with things like babies being burned deliberately as a punishment for crying, a15 year old girl with nowhere to sleep tonight and so on.The idea that they would be interested in a parent who doesn't 'do' playdates, or a child who had a lazy PJ weekend is laughable.

she might be interested in the school teacher looking at 13yr old girls knickers though!

But those things would be recorded by the school and may be used to paint a 'bigger picture' of conerns.

Its very unfortunate but not that unusual for a child to get every illness going in their first year at school. 71% attendance means an average attendance of 3 1/2 days a week. I'd go to the meeting with a timeline of the days she was off sick and ask them what they want you to do. Being sick after lunch and play could just simply mean her lunch didn't settle, seem over the top that they say she's got to stay of for 48 hours. Proper tummy bugs and impetigo then yes a child should be kept at home. Under today's guidelines children can go to school with tonsillitis etc.
School's monitored on their attendance levels, I'd just go to the meeting and see what they have to stay.

Irene- I didn't imply social services would take it any further than an initial assessment, what I said is schools WILL take concerns like the ones in my above post and refer to social services. as I said, I did my safeguarding training this week at school and that's what we've been told.

I know SS will not do anything much more than maybe an initial assessment but who wants that hassle?

Also I have so say it does very much depend where in the country you are (as to how many caseloads ss already have on their plates) as to what they deem as serious concerns. I live quite rurally and I can confirm they jump down your throat here and order initial assessments over any small concerns. (for example previous school contacted ss and they did an intitial assement all because I allowed my 7yr old to walk about 2 minutes round the corner to a local park and play!!! )

In a city/very populated area they would probably laugh some of it out the office but here its a different story.
If you think ss work the same across the board you're very mistaken!

^ The exact same applies to the police in different areas of the country.

I think that there is such a level of curtness and belligerence in these letters, when there really doesn't need to be

Totally agree with this. It's not treated as if you are in partnership with school over the education of your children. It's as if you are already criminalised.

But I agree with others - this is just box-ticking. Print out the list you've produced with all the illnesses - with dates, give it to them, stay calm and keep repeating that your child has been in school at every moment that she was well enough to attend, according to the school's own guidelines.

As for going to visit the GP to check out her immune system - don't bother. It's totally normal for some children to get this sick. Mine did. Attendance didn't get as low as your DD's but it was under 80% in her first year at school. One year we had a vomiting child in the house almost every single week for six months - literally about 25 different throwing up episodes between the two of them. Then chickenpox. Then tonsillitis. There's nothing wrong with them - they don't have allergies or a compromised immune system. They just got ill a lot. They are over it now but I'm always when people don't understand that this is perfectly normal for some children.

yy smelly ... definitely different priorities
Pocket picked in a shop in central Brixton - on CCTV, with a witness who could identify the culprit (and cards used within 15 mins -and then one (when cancelled) 3 days later so obviously knew exactly what they were doing). Police not interested.
Here ('naicer' area) Neighbour had a second floor window broken whilst on holiday - at the back, probably a bird flew into it but the police came out to investigate, interview the neighbours etc because of possible vandalism.
Also here got a call from the HV -DD2 about 1 yo had been to A&E twice within 2 months- both times told to go by NHS direct, both times the Drs (and I) thought it was a waste of time.
(First one on her birthday was sick an hour after her vaccinations -just making sure they weren't connected - happened to say poor thing crawled into a door earlier and bumped her head too - that was a 'head injury' Then found her sucking on a salt cellar not sure if she had eaten any or not then a couple of hours later she was sick - made to feel like the worst mother in the world for not urgently rushing her to A&E when I found her with the salt - the Dr said a child won't voluntarily eat enough salt to do them any harm and didn't even wake her up to examine her!)

Hi everyone. Thanks again for all the replies. It is good to have different opinions and also to get some advice.

When I say I am worried about the meeting this just stems from the depression that I have spent the last 3 years trying to work through. Up to beginning of last year I was having 3 counselling appointments a week, was on antidepressants and sleeping tablets. Was not able to leave the house without support due to severe panic attacks.

Then, it will sound strange, but suddenly I began to see a future instead of dwelling on the past. With support I managed to come off the tablets. Leave the house without panic attacks. And my biggest milestone was to go back to work as a care assistant after being off for 10 years (having my eldest).

Through all that time both my girls attended preschool/school. I have always managed to take them to any medical appointments and my youngest to speech therapy as she has some issues which are now seeming to get better :)

I just wanted to explain as felt people would not understand my irrational fear, but I have honestly only ever tried to do my best for the children and part of me felt (probably wrong) ganged up on as I really am doing my best but I understand these things have to be checked.

I am a lot calmer now obviously so can now focus on what to say at the meeting.

I requested a new appointment time due to training at work all day next Friday. They offered me different times and I now have an appointment on Monday morning. I also requested her attendance record as just wanted to pinpoint illnesses/when school have advised me to keep her off etc.

I am going to find out more on their policy. But i can assure you that even when she has showed no signs of illness after being sick at school they refuse to have them back before the 48 hours clear is up. I am not the only one who has queried this with them.

Also they will not take them if they are obviously ill (fair) like high temperature etc.

But it seems like we are still penalised if we go by these rules even though it is what we are told.

The school is only small, just one class per year group normally apart from this year as they have 2 classes of reception due to high intake. But it seems they have all been dropping like flies as a few other parents have told me they have had letters and some also have appointments. Even the doctor has said there has been a higher sickness level last few months.

I am hoping that her immune system will strengthen as she goes on.

My eldest has always seemed luckier has had a lot of 100% attendance certificates as she seems to get ill more in holidays. But even she has been struggling and has been put back onto inhalers after a year off them :(

So sorry about long past. Just really wanted to say have taken all replies on board and now more relaxed than I was before. Will be glad to get Monday morning out the way though. And on better note she has completed 5 full days this week and is now happily having a snack so hopefully this will continue.

Thanks again all

My daughter had every bug going now she is 14 with permenant 100% atattendance just to balance it my son is 6 with 100% attendance caught chicken pox had a visit from the social worker to check he was ill i asked did every child get a visit when they were ill she said yes if they are ill often! This is his second illness since september different schools different rules plus she told me to take him back monday i said if he is better she said no he goes back Monday no wonder most the school caught chicken pox

Ive just done my school safeguarding training this week, some of the things that constitute a possible safeguarding worry are things like 1. a 13 yr old girl is spotted wearing designer lingerie 2. a child has told a teacher they didn't get dressed all weekend 3. a child says they're not allowed anyone back for tea as daddy doesn't like it 4. a ten yr old tells you her mum makes her a special drink each night 5. two children in your class have been overheard discussing call of duty & GTA...............

Did nobody attending the course have the brains to actually discuss this with the trainer and ask them to be more hmmm detailed or less ridiculous?

70% attendance is very low though, so it seems rather obvious someone somewhere will want to chat about it. It doesn't need to be a big deal though.

AS for this load of rubbish though...
*Ive just done my school safeguarding training this week, some of the things that constitute a possible safeguarding worry are things like 1. a 13 yr old girl is spotted wearing designer lingerie 2. a child has told a teacher they didn't get dressed all weekend 3. a child says they're not allowed anyone back for tea as daddy doesn't like it 4. a ten yr old tells you her mum makes her a special drink each night 5. two children in your class have been overheard discussing call of duty & GTA................

see what I mean, any of these could trigger a referral to social care*

Its utter nonsense. First of all, if the teacher/school staff knows what underwear the 13 year old girls are wearing, its them that need investigating, before the parents. It's not that weird to be in pyjamas for a weekend either, if the weathers bad/someone is ill etc. As for mum makes you a special drink each night, wtf? Hot chocolate is a safeguarding issue?
WTF are they teaching you this shite for?

This is the flip side of all those child abuse cases where people shout "Why didn't the school tell someone?"

Attendance levels are one indicator where there may be something wrong.

They also record a child who has picked up every bug going.

In the latter case people get all upset as they feel they are being accused of something. If the former teachers, SS etc do get accused. They are even mooting it being illegal for a teacher not to report and issue... so more of this could occur.

OP, set all your fears aside. Go in with your list of illnesses and incidents and explain to them what happened. It is pointless being belligerent, that might have a negative effect on how they see you, why bother? They also have no reason to know about your depression, so don't mention that, it is irrelevant, your child has been ill, demonstrably so.

Do ask them to clarify their own rules and to point out when you could or should have sent her in to school. Then leave them to draw the obvious conclusion. You have been unlucky and she has been ill a lot.

But most of all, don't worry. Just go and chat to them if you have the time free.

Toots I'm sorry you've had such a hard time dealing with depression. FWIW I think you've handled it with courage and grace.

May your future be brighter.