AIBU to be absolutely peed of about this summons to school about attendance???

[Tootsie1984]

Hi all.

Have not posted for a while and this could be long.

My little girl started reception 3rd September 2014.

For some reason she has caught nearly every bug that is going around. I never keep her or her older sister off unless it is really bad. Like I will send them in with a cold but not if they have high temperatures or are generally to weak to move/ sleeping all the time.

So yesterday had a letter from the school complaining about my 4 year old's attendance.

It is at 71.3% which I know is low but she has never been kept off for anything other than she was poorly.

I go by the schools rules. So if she has a sickness diarrhea then I always keep her home for the 48 hours after it is stopped.

3 times she has been sent home from school after being sick there. Once was after she had the Monday and Tuesday off with raging temperature etc. Sent her back the next day as though she was still coughing she seemed fine. After lunch she was running about outside and was a little bit sick. So picked her up and she was unable to go on the Thursday or Friday because of their rules even though she was not sick again.

Another time was she was sick (again after lunch in playground) had to keep her home for 2 days again even though she seemed fine after but they will not take them back until after the 48 hours.

Another time she did have a proper bug and ended up with 3 days off as she kept being sick through that day and part of the next as well (then it was the weekend).

She had impetigo and was given cream and antibiotics. Was told she was not allowed back in to school for 48 hours (school told me this) because then she was no longer infectious so she had 3 days off (including day taken to docs).

She has had a chest infection before christmas which was really bad and she had a week off. She has problems with her chest and has done since she was a baby.

My daughter is 4 and will be 5 end of May

So AIBU to have kept her off when she is really poorly or am I supposed to just dose her up with calpol and send her in anyway???

I have never experience this before as my eldest has fairly rare beein ill and has gone terms where she has had 100% attendance.

Sorry this is wrong I just feel really bad now like I have done the wrong thing keeping her off when ill. But I have only been following the schools rules on it all.

they have said her attendance should be 95.6%.

I am required to go to a meeting with attendance officer 20th March to discuss what we can do to improver her attendance over the next 4 weeks.

I mean what am I meant to say??? What have I done wrong when I have followed all the guidelines in place? I am now terrified to keep her off if she is ill as scared I will get into real trouble.

I don't know why she seems to be catching every illness that goes around. And she does struggle with being in full time school. I do now wish I had deferred her for the year.

I just feel so upset and like a bad mum because obviously I am doing something wrong.

Please could anyone offer me some advice on what I can say at the meeting? I just feel scared :(

Don't worry.

Go in with your list of reasons for each absence.
Show that you are concerned about education.
Cooperate.

They should then realise that you aren't being idle/uncaring/pfb (the school probably know this already but have to be seen to be following up).
Job done.

That is a low attendance level, so it is not surprising that they are investigating; they will be obliged to. They're not trying to be difficult, and you have had good reason to keep your daughter from school when ill. Just explain this, and it will be fine.

Other posters have stated that school is not compulsory until term of turning five and that is true, but as she is already an enrolled pupil then she must attend. Once enrolled it is not a whenever you feel like it situation for 3-4 year olds. I know this isn't your situation, OP, btw!

I wouldn't take the arsey "Can I have written confirmation that I can send in my sick child" approach, that would just create bad feeling and be counter productive; just explain your situation calmly. I'm sure it will all be fine.

Good luck and try not to worry, OP

Just to note re: people saying because she's not 5 yet that school isn't even compulsary- I believe that yes, school isn't compulsory at this age but you would have had to choose to not take up a school place. If she has a school place and attends regularly then she is subject to the same rules as those over the age of 5 for whom school is compulsary unless you were to formally withdraw her. You can't pick and choose, think how disruptive and open to abuse it would be "I'm keeping Jimmy off for a day at the zoo on Friday- well it's not complulsary so its legal" (not saying that is what you have done here, just warning against using the "she's not 5 so school isn't compulsory" defence).

Exactly, JuniorMint

Cross post Sheitgeist!

As you have written here make a list of every date she was off school , every reason and for the days she was off after being sick clearly indicate the schools policy.
make a copy for the meeting.
Also bring a copy of your other daughters record .
I would be firm but polite , you are putting the welfare of your child first , which you should always do however, do not under any circumstances take any crap from them. You know perfectly well why ypur child has been at home and you can easily prove it. ( especially if she vomited at school )

They are just doing their job. 71.3% at this stage of the year equates to 7 weeks off school (if I've done my maths correctly). I understand why you keep her off if she is that unwell and completely agree with you doing so, but I think school are doing the right thing by flagging it up if you look at the figures.

I'm sure my opinion is an unpopular one though.

I don't think they can prosecute before she's 5 but that doesn't mean they won't be concerned. 71% is extremely low, it must have been at least one period a week more or less! I'd be taking her to the doctor myself if she gets ill that often.

My oldest dc got every illness going when she was in reception. We had a letter with an appointment to discuss this, I rang and told them we couldn't make it and they didn't even bother following it up and making another appointment. She's now in year 4 and hadn't had anytime off since year 2. Don't worry these letters are triggered automatically when attendance drops, and 71% is very low, but they won't do anything.

I had a letter about my DD's attendance. She is also 4 (won't be five until summer), and has been ill a lot.

Try not to worry. I know it sounds glib, but it's better to get ill a lot now, and build her immunity, then be better when her education will be even more adversely affected (I'm not saying that being off now isn't affecting it btw, but as she gets older and it becomes more pressured and faster paced, it is more disruptive).

I take her to the GP as soon as she is ill now (though to be fair she has needed antibiotics every time).

My son was ill more frequently when in his first years, then when he progressed through primary and grammar he has 100% attendance.

For those who say us with summer born children chose to take a place - I don't really think we had a choice. Sure we could have deferred a year, but at some point that lost academic year would be noticed and lost (you can't stay a year behind indefinitely).

OP, this makes my blood boil on your behalf! You're absolutely right to keep your daughter off school when she is ill. You're doing nothing wrong at all. Sometimes kids just catch everything. They grow out of it.

At the meeting it's important to stay calm. Really calm. Reasonable (even if you feel like shrieking). My advice is this: well in advance of the meeting, write down the dates and the type of illness for each absence. Be as specific as you can remember - for example did you record a temperature? Did you observe vomiting, diarrhea, coughing, runny nose, loss of appetite, listlessness, was the child up in the night, etc? Did you seek medical attention? Don't worry if you didn't, as for most of the things you mentioned it isn't necessary. But if you did - even if you phoned the doctor for reassurance, or consulted a pharmacist, then write that down. This paper will be your point of reference for the meeting.

Good luck, OP.

Losing an average of 1.5 days every week is pretty awful. While I agree you shouldn't feel browbeaten by the school, I would consider a trip to the GP to investigate if there is an underlying issue which makes her vulnerable to illnesses, in particular to sitting after meals.

We're in a similar boat and I'm waiting to be called in for a meeting. DS started Reception in September too, had 3 sickness bugs in the first term with the correct amount of time off. There was a lot going around and ofc a lot of parents sending their DCs in anyway. Then he had a terrible chest infection in February and needed 2 and a half weeks off. We were in constant contact with the school, saw the GP 4 times who advised us to keep him off. DD is in Year 2 and never had much of a problem with attendance. The school have said I'll probably have to have a meeting but have been very supportive. They need to investigate for their records but have said they have no concerns because I was in contact, seeing doctors, abiding by the rules and on one day they even saw him (while I was dropping off DD) and agreed that he wasn't fit for school. DH and I have written down a schedule of his illness (when it started, when we went to docs etc) for their records.

It is frustrating but I think the staff find it frustrating as well so best just to cooperate. You may find that they are very understanding.

I think as others have said its a box ticking exercise, your dds attendance has flagged up as poor so someone has seen this and will want to know why.

Agree wholeheartedly about the 4/5 thing, legally she does not have to be in school till may, school/attendance officer cannot do anything as LEGALLY you haven't done anything wrong. just because she attends school at 4 does NOT make her subject to the same rules as over fives.

File it.
bin it

Baddz Bad advice. Failure to engage with people is likely to bring more unwanted attention.

Engage, show you are on the same side.

And to the poster who said about choosing to send her four- there is no choice, if you don't send them at 4 they get put into year one when thery start instead of reception (even though the education authority states there should be no blanket policy, the LEAs apply one)

Also, book an appointment with your doctor. That's a lot of sickness. Best to get it logged in future. For the school records and also in case there is a reason she's getting sick all the time.

My oldest DD has never made a winter term with more than 90% attendance. She has chronic asthma. The school flag it as the system says they have too. It's not a personal dig or anything to get upset about. Just go and show them what you said in the OP and that will be it. No drama

The op has engaged.
She has made school aware why her child absent.
What more can she do?
Schools send these letters out because they have to not necessarily because they want to.
Send them an e mail acknowledging receipt of the letter.
Ask if the 48 hour rule about d and v has changed.
State that you have simply obeyed the rules.
Then bin it.

Is this the first communication you have had from the school about attendance? Because 70% is very low and at our school you would have had a standard letter about it by the time it had reached 90%.

First, don't worry unduly - they just have to check re safeguarding etc when a young child is absent so much. They are not assuming any wrongdoing on your part.

Second, your child doesn't legally have to attend school until next September so I am not even sure that her attendance will count in the school's totals (Which they are under the kosh to bring up - all schools are), so there is no legal obligation

Third, go in prepared to listen to their concerns. Take your documentation of her ill health and your communication with the school about it, if you wish.

Were it me I would be tempted to grab a quick word with the head, ask why this has been escalated to EWO level without any previous discussion, and potentially take the opportunity to talk about DD attending part time?

But mainly, don't panic, don't be defensive - as you have no need to be - and be polite and calm.

And you are not a bad mum or doing anything wrong. I would also take DD to the doctor for a general check up, btw

We have to do this once attendance drops below a certain level, and an average of one and a half days off a week is a lot. However, it. Will be understood. For every few diligent parents like yourself, there will be one. Who has no reason to keep their child off. I remember early in I my career, being in a meeting where the mother said she kept her son off school because she got lonely......it was really sad and really frustrating at the same time.

Please don't worry though, they are only doing what is asked of them by those above.

My ds2 had 2 nasty d and v bugs last year a month apart.
He had 3/4 days off each time as after the vomiting the runs began.
He then had a chest infection before Xmas (he is asthmatic)
School know why he was off.
They also know if they want to they can phone or e mail or come to my home whenever they wish.
So they dont send me letters.

I agree with teeththief they do need to check this but please don't worry about it.

I am cursed blessed with children who tend to be ill over the holidays but with my youngest there would have been times her attendance would have dropped if that was not the case.

You have had a run of ill health hopefully with the end of winter that will get better.