AIBU to be absolutely peed of about this summons to school about attendance???

[Tootsie1984]

Hi all.

Have not posted for a while and this could be long.

My little girl started reception 3rd September 2014.

For some reason she has caught nearly every bug that is going around. I never keep her or her older sister off unless it is really bad. Like I will send them in with a cold but not if they have high temperatures or are generally to weak to move/ sleeping all the time.

So yesterday had a letter from the school complaining about my 4 year old's attendance.

It is at 71.3% which I know is low but she has never been kept off for anything other than she was poorly.

I go by the schools rules. So if she has a sickness diarrhea then I always keep her home for the 48 hours after it is stopped.

3 times she has been sent home from school after being sick there. Once was after she had the Monday and Tuesday off with raging temperature etc. Sent her back the next day as though she was still coughing she seemed fine. After lunch she was running about outside and was a little bit sick. So picked her up and she was unable to go on the Thursday or Friday because of their rules even though she was not sick again.

Another time was she was sick (again after lunch in playground) had to keep her home for 2 days again even though she seemed fine after but they will not take them back until after the 48 hours.

Another time she did have a proper bug and ended up with 3 days off as she kept being sick through that day and part of the next as well (then it was the weekend).

She had impetigo and was given cream and antibiotics. Was told she was not allowed back in to school for 48 hours (school told me this) because then she was no longer infectious so she had 3 days off (including day taken to docs).

She has had a chest infection before christmas which was really bad and she had a week off. She has problems with her chest and has done since she was a baby.

My daughter is 4 and will be 5 end of May

So AIBU to have kept her off when she is really poorly or am I supposed to just dose her up with calpol and send her in anyway???

I have never experience this before as my eldest has fairly rare beein ill and has gone terms where she has had 100% attendance.

Sorry this is wrong I just feel really bad now like I have done the wrong thing keeping her off when ill. But I have only been following the schools rules on it all.

they have said her attendance should be 95.6%.

I am required to go to a meeting with attendance officer 20th March to discuss what we can do to improver her attendance over the next 4 weeks.

I mean what am I meant to say??? What have I done wrong when I have followed all the guidelines in place? I am now terrified to keep her off if she is ill as scared I will get into real trouble.

I don't know why she seems to be catching every illness that goes around. And she does struggle with being in full time school. I do now wish I had deferred her for the year.

I just feel so upset and like a bad mum because obviously I am doing something wrong.

Please could anyone offer me some advice on what I can say at the meeting? I just feel scared :(

OP, if your daughter is ill (sick) that often, could she be allergic to some foods? Dairy, egg. gluten, other?

Just go the meeting and explain about her illnesses.
they do need to follow up kids with low attendance otherwise you get v sad cases That we have all read about. You are clearly not a neglectful patent but they have to follow thru And meet in prtson xmd log the meeting. It's just routine.

School isn't compulsory but education is. I'm now homeschooling which is far more relaxed for everyone. No curriculum and they learn what they want to learn.
The reason for schools to be chasing attendance is purely for their ofsted grading.

I wouldn't bother with the meeting - but would send a letter / e mail summarising the reason for each absence.

If you avoid the meeting they will get totally on your case.
Unwillingness to engage is likely to be a red flag.
And something positive (like an afternoon off per week for e.g. if she is overtired and stressed) might come out of it. At least they will see you for the diligent and caring parent you are.

I would go to the meeting. They just want to understand what is happening and help you and your child.

If you don't go they will think you have something to hide and will continue to persue you (for the good of your child) and may involve other services.

Work with them.

It does sound as though two of the occasions your DD was absent was because school were rather over zealous about her being sick . So your DD had her lunch , went out and hurtled round the playground and brought back up some undigested food and school instructed that she miss a further 48 hours of school ?

They need to check in case the child is being abused. For example, children who are beaten may need several days off at a time for the bruises to fade.

Taking a parents word for it has led to a few children falling through the cracks.

Sadly, this is the world we live in.

It's 33 days off in 22 weeks, thats quite a lot and a warning sign for other issues in some cases.

Whilst in your case every absence may be explainable which you can do when you have the meeting as others have said schools and absence are indicators for lots of other things.

Schools are now even more responsible for raising child protection issues and get slated frequently for not raising concerns unfortunately this means concerns have to be raised across the board just in case that one student who people think is doing ok is actually the one people should be worrying about. Outward appearences can sometimes be deceptive.

I would check with them about the being sick after lunch incidences - are you sure its not both D&V present to keep them off for 48 hours, not just a random being sick. Too many sweets at a party could mean 2 days off - wait till the kids find that one out!

That is a very low attendance level, i would be worried if they weren't investigating.

Getting ill that often is not normal and the LA understandably want to check that there isn't something else going on.
All you need to do is explain to them what you did to us in your OP and it will all be fine.

I want to correct a point a few posters have mentioned,
In the uk children do not legally have to start school until they turn five, however, once they are enrolled their attendance is as legally mandatory as a child of any other age.
Unless of course you deregister them from state education and decided to home educate them.
A lot of people seem to be under the impression that until a child turns five their attendance is irrelevant, but that is not the case once they are registered in school.

Why are you scared? Just go and list all the things you've listed here and ask what you should have done differently.

71% is really low.

70% attendance is missing more than a quarter of the school year. So they do need to check it out.

Plus as others have said there is huge pressure on schools re attendance so automated messages and letter would be sent out.

But you're right, she's only 4 and you have done what you can, its not your fault.

Don't take i personally. I would definitely go to the meeting, it's your chance to reiterate all the illnesses your dd has and pin down the school's rules on contagious illness.

I can sympathise with the OP. My DD's school hands out certificates directly to the children each term for 100% attendance. But for little ones, it is something they have no control over, and is everything to do with the decisions of the parents. So why reward or penalise the children? I've had to keep DD off occasionally with chest problems and she's also been sent home from school ill so to date she's never received this certificate. When I've had to keep her off, she will cry long and hard that once again she will not receive this certificate and because she loves school so much. I've made a point of handing copies of hospital consultants' letters in to school to illustrate why DD is sometimes off is sick and that it not because we just can't or won't be bothered to bring her in.

Go to the meeting. Tell them what you have told us. Ask them for advice as to what you can do to increase attendance. Book a check up with the GP. Play the game...

I'd be concerned about a school who didn't follow up on such poor attendance. That is how children slip through the net. Your child has very low attendance and that is an issue.

You've done nothing wrong. So attend the meeting and let them tell you what they expect. Work with them. School are not the enemy...

At this stage they need to check that it really IS illness, and not some other problem at home that can be sorted out.

I had an acquaintance at my DCs old school who would get drunk every night and then let the kids have a day off school if she wasn't fit to drive the car the next morning.

Then think of the little boy in the news who was being abused at home and the parents kept him off while the bruises went down. The school was seriously criticised in the court case when he was killed.

Go in with your facts, be calm about it, appreciate that they have a job to do and you are on the same aide as them, wanting your daughter to have a good, regular education.

What exactly does the school policy say re 48 hour rule.

Firstly is it even a written policy - some people seem to think it is the rule but not all schools have this policy.

If it is that schools rule is it for d and v only? So just being sick once after lunch wouldn't be caught. There is no need to keep a well child off for 2 days just because they have gulped their lunch down and run around too soon.

If they do have a 48 hour rule put it in writing to the school that you will be happy to disregard the policy to improve her attendance i.e if she is well the next day after sick/vomiting you will send her in.

I wouldn't go in like some naughty schoolchild!
the school are doing this for two reasons. the first is to appease the ewo ,the second is that a lot of absence can often indicate the child is having some sort of problem at school
I would just email back saying that your child is happy at school and absent from school because she was ill on each occasion .unless they can suggest a way to stop your child catching illnesses then you can see no point on attending

In your shoes, I'd attend and explain the situation. The local authority is just doing its job. They just want to check that things are ok - so that they can spot children that may have a difficult time at home.

One of the top factors in children that are neglected is low school attendance and local authorities/schools have a duty to check that all is ok. It might be frustrating for you, but we should all be grateful that there is a system (imperfect thought it is) to monitor children's wellbeing.

I would take the approach..They are checking out if any other issues..

As everyone else has stated take your facts with you..

You are doing what you need to in order to look after your child, however, they do need to check out really low attendance.

I am against any parent going to the doctors when not necessary as it is hard enough to get an appointment if needed and most the time they are best tucked up on the sofa with Calpol.

And yes it is for Ofsted...

Why is everyone's blood boiling on op's behalf?? . Her child's attendance is spectacularly low; she feels it's justified, school have no idea if it is or not until they talk to her.

They're obliged to investigate; op has not been dragged away by the Gestapo in the dead of night. Get over yourselves....

33 days off ! Mine have an average of 1 every 2 years - but we are very lucky never to get sick much in this family.
Just go to the meeting and smile and thank them for their hard work and say how much you like the school and explain the sickness. Give give give in life and then people give back.

Not everyone's blood is boiling Floggy, many are being calmly reasonable.

Until a child is five they don't legally have to be in school. I'd be pointing that out to the school. Also your childs health comes before education as if they are poorly they aren't going to be learning much anyway.

Flogging, what annoys me (alright, I suppose blood boiling was a bit of hyperbole) is the tone of these letters. They are, at best, supremely patronising, or worst, threatening. It's unnecessary and discourages good communication between parents and schools. It would be a simple thing to rephrase the letters to request exactly the same thing in a civil manner, and not to assume that all parents whose children fall below acceptable attendance levels are feckless losers.

I imagine the meeting is just to chat to you about the attendance and check everything is okay. TBH I'm pleased that school is taking the time to ask questions of children who are off sick lots or late every day. They deserve someone to look out for them in case it's more than it seems.

Therefore, I'd go in quite calm, not defensive at all. Listen to what they say and clearly reiterate the sickness episodes. I'd double check the policy for just sickness though. Too much lunch and running around can make little ones sick, doesn't mean it's contagious, could this be what's happened? If you work with the school (and why wouldn't you as there doesn't seem to be anything to hide), then I can't see there will be any problem.

I'd try not to worry, there's nothing that can be done about genuine sickness and I'm sure it'll get better as she gets older. DD had chicken pox and hand, foot & mouth, plus a bout or two of nasty colds/raised temperature and D&V, in Reception. She probably had a total of 3 weeks off that year, she's not been off sick this school year at all.