AIBU to be absolutely peed of about this summons to school about attendance???

[Tootsie1984]

Hi all.

Have not posted for a while and this could be long.

My little girl started reception 3rd September 2014.

For some reason she has caught nearly every bug that is going around. I never keep her or her older sister off unless it is really bad. Like I will send them in with a cold but not if they have high temperatures or are generally to weak to move/ sleeping all the time.

So yesterday had a letter from the school complaining about my 4 year old's attendance.

It is at 71.3% which I know is low but she has never been kept off for anything other than she was poorly.

I go by the schools rules. So if she has a sickness diarrhea then I always keep her home for the 48 hours after it is stopped.

3 times she has been sent home from school after being sick there. Once was after she had the Monday and Tuesday off with raging temperature etc. Sent her back the next day as though she was still coughing she seemed fine. After lunch she was running about outside and was a little bit sick. So picked her up and she was unable to go on the Thursday or Friday because of their rules even though she was not sick again.

Another time was she was sick (again after lunch in playground) had to keep her home for 2 days again even though she seemed fine after but they will not take them back until after the 48 hours.

Another time she did have a proper bug and ended up with 3 days off as she kept being sick through that day and part of the next as well (then it was the weekend).

She had impetigo and was given cream and antibiotics. Was told she was not allowed back in to school for 48 hours (school told me this) because then she was no longer infectious so she had 3 days off (including day taken to docs).

She has had a chest infection before christmas which was really bad and she had a week off. She has problems with her chest and has done since she was a baby.

My daughter is 4 and will be 5 end of May

So AIBU to have kept her off when she is really poorly or am I supposed to just dose her up with calpol and send her in anyway???

I have never experience this before as my eldest has fairly rare beein ill and has gone terms where she has had 100% attendance.

Sorry this is wrong I just feel really bad now like I have done the wrong thing keeping her off when ill. But I have only been following the schools rules on it all.

they have said her attendance should be 95.6%.

I am required to go to a meeting with attendance officer 20th March to discuss what we can do to improver her attendance over the next 4 weeks.

I mean what am I meant to say??? What have I done wrong when I have followed all the guidelines in place? I am now terrified to keep her off if she is ill as scared I will get into real trouble.

I don't know why she seems to be catching every illness that goes around. And she does struggle with being in full time school. I do now wish I had deferred her for the year.

I just feel so upset and like a bad mum because obviously I am doing something wrong.

Please could anyone offer me some advice on what I can say at the meeting? I just feel scared :(

and given the child is 4 and does not have any reason why she needs to be in school...

Apparently this is not true once the child is enrolled in school. They have to attend once enrolled but you don't need to enrol them until the term they turn 5.

It may be protocol , but that doesn't mean you have to play along with the farce.

If she is registered at school she is required to be there even at 4, that has been pointed out many times in the thread.

irene if the OP doesn't go to the meeting it could stir up more trouble. Also as the child is at the start of school, it wouldn't bode well to get off on the wrong foot with the school with years ahead to deal with them. Just see how it goes. I bet it's just a tick box exercise and OP can explain all so she will feel better too i bet.

Good luck in the meeting OP. It sounds like you know roughly how you will handle it.

One thing I would suggest is that you shouldn't mention she does struggle with being in full time school. It's not relevant to this meeting, as it's not the reason she was absent - and you don't want them to suspect you might have other, unstated reasons for keeping her off.

Likewise, there's no reason to blame it on her being sickly if the GP says her track record is normal (and you feel he's right.)

The real problem is that following the school's policy on D&V causes attendance to drop low enough to trigger a follow-up procedure that includes snotty letters and high-handed decisions. Not your daughter or you. I guess if the letter had been written differently it might not be so annoying!

I would think the people who ARE beating their children just won't show up to the meeting, hence why it's important for OP to go and explain the absences.

Hi all thanks again for all the responses. I will definitely be going to the meeting but will need to rearrange as have 2 courses that day at work which I can show evidence of if needed.

I am feeling calmer now. Her teacher spoke to me today and said I have nothing to worry about.

Think it was the shock of the letter as never got it till last night as was celebrating my eldest birthday. The tone of it sounded accusing though. And the fact nothing has been brought up before about it.

Anyway I am going to question about the 48 hour policy as that has made a big reason for number of days off.

I am willing to listen to how they feel we can keep up her attendance as I would rather she did not get ill so much and need take time off school.

Thanks again and I anyone here has any tips to stop her being ill I would be grateful

I hate the tone of these letters. The Head of the last school I worked in hated them as well, but they were set by the LEA.

Early intervention is seen as a big thing. Missing a lot of school at 4 or 5 isn't a huge deal really, but it does, sometimes, set a pattern for attendance for later years in the school.

Just go to the meeting with your details as you planned and it'll be fine.

It might seem OTT to some, but in some cases (not yours OP!) you can tell at that stage where attendance is going to be an issue later on. Also some parents (including one lovely one I had the pleasure of working with who stated she was struggling with early mornings as she was a 'night owl' which is why her child had a 62% attendance) do respond to the thought of getting hassle for non attendance. Some who aren't overly bothered will do anything for a hassle free life and if getting the child to school is less hassle than meetings and the likes they do it - and that is better for the child than the alternative.

Don't rearrange your training day to attend this meeting. Insist on a date and time that suits you. You do not have to explain why their rude summons kind invitation is not convenient. Good luck.

Try a probiotic for children (not a yoghurty drink type). I used one for my DS2 who was ill constantly and it helped get his immune system back up.

Though loathe to get into a prohibitive debate.

When we were in a similar situation, we called, spoke to the person the mail was from,and explained why we would not be wasting our time attending the meeting.

If a school has policies re children not being in school if they have been sick or have something contagious and sends them home if they have a slightly raised temperature, they must expect some of them to have a less than stellar attendance record.

In preschool, so not compulsory attendance, a child with a funded place and know health issues had not attended for months. We had to renew the claim for funding, I informed the council to ask if we should/could still claim. Possibility of it being a child protection issue was raised. We were more or less certain it wasn't...but had to report it basically just to cover our backs. (Not our remit to investigate - just to pass the information to the right people - for another child a few years before and already on their radar we had to file a regular attendance report to SS.)
I suspect that is what the school are doing - having this meeting with you to cover their backs.

But then a bit of almost forced back covering isn't really a bad thing if it stops abused children slipping through the net.
Just turn up when it is convenient, give them the information and forget about it...

Some terms are just like this with sickness. My youngest (14 so yr 9) has managed 12.5 days off this year and they've only been back since jan 29th!! Her attendance is currently 60% and she's hurt herself again today but I've told her she can't come home.

She had Norivurus pretty much as soon as school started so was off with that and now she's on crutches as she's damaged ligaments in her knee. Poor kid can't cstch s break this year and as she's having most of her lessons in the library (she can't manage the stairs) some of her teachers think she's left the school!

I'm hoping the school is understanding about it but I'm expecting a letter any day now about how awful her attendance is.

We had to go to one of these meetings recently in similar circumstances. The letter was not nice, being summoned on a specific date and time, and told that we would be reported if we failed to attend. Nice. The meeting was fine and was over in 10 minutes. Don't worry. :)

I think that there is such a level of curtness and belligerence in these letters, when there really doesn't need to be.

It's a shame the school couldn't have warned you in person that you were about to receive a letter about your DD's attendance, but it seems to me that there is a move to downgrade parents to the status of "non people", just like benefits claimants and those with illnesses/disabilities. How very dare you have children that get sick!! How dare you do anything that might prevent you from working every day the sun rises? do you not realise that unless you are born into a fortune, you should expect to keep your nose to the grindstone every single fucking day to keep the richest people richer, while you just scrape along?

Sorry. This sort of thing REALLY fucks me off. Your child has been ILL. She has not been swinging the lead, she has not been skiving off, she has been ILL. You have been following the school rules to protect other children and teachers from also becoming ILL. You have done NOTHING wrong, and yet you are still being sent snotty letters about it - purely because your poor child has been ILL.

Ridiculous.

You haven't done anything wrong OP and you're dealing with this brilliantly.

suggestion: It sounds like your DD sometimes vomits when it's pretty obviously not an infection or stomach bug of any kind. Ask them to agree in writing that they are happy to waive the 48 hour rule in those cases and you'll be able to improve attendance a bit.

If a child is ill, they're ill. Causing you or her any grief is unfair and wrong. But it's not wrong for them to take a bit of time to sit down with you and check that all these decisions have been reasonable. From their point of view, they might not be able to tell the difference, without this meeting, between a responsible and sensible parent with an unfortunately sickly child and, for example, a somewhat irrational potentially hypochondriac-by-proxy parent who considers 0.5C above normal to be a raging fever. It's not wrong for them to check, but the way they have initiated it is a bit rude and disrespectful.

I Also don't understand the ire about this.

If you accept that school have a duty to protect children, then you accept that you may be asked to answer to that system at times.

They are not mind readers.

i am not talking here about the OP. i understand that an initial reaction to a letterr is not the same as a considered reaction to one.

Yes these letters can be really rude. I once had "words" with the Solicitors Regulatory Authority over my lack of a practising certificate. If you are a solicitor dealing with the public you have to have one. I moved to a publishing company to write about the law, so I didn't need one. There are around 100+ lawyers working at this company, so you'd think they'd know the score. However, they sent me a really quite nasty letter threatening me with all sorts for committing a criminal offence etc. I told them the letter was totally unacceptable and got a reply saying it was computer-generated and effectively that I was over-sensitive. I said that didn't make it all right and there had been a court case involving British Gas which said harassment was harassment, even if it was computer-generated.

So it's always worth having a word about the tone of the letter. It is not ok for these letters to be so rude and accusing. And while a school has a duty of safeguarding, why don't they just ask the parent to come in and chat to the teacher - why have an attendance officer and threats? Surely they come at the second stage when you've ignored letters and invitations to meetings? That's the problem with these processes - they go straight to the nuclear option without using some common sense.

The school has to be seen to be looking into this. But just explain to the school exactly as you have here. It's all totally justifiable absence - a run of bad luck. You have done nothing wrong, and I'd hope the school will be understanding.

as the child is at the start of school, it wouldn't bode well to get off on the wrong foot with the school

I have come across this attitude a lot on MN and find it unfathomable.The school is there to provide a service to my child not vice versa.Why do people feel they have to handle school with kid gloves?

You don't have to "handle school with kid gloves" at all, Irene. But belligerently refusing to attend a meeting to discuss the fact that your child is hardly ever there, in the erroneous belief that because said child is under 5 she isn't actually obliged to be there at all (!) is the polar opposite of that.

Irene- schools have to be handled with kid gloves otherwise you leave yourself open to all sorts of accusations.

Ive just done my school safeguarding training this week, some of the things that constitute a possible safeguarding worry are things like 1. a 13 yr old girl is spotted wearing designer lingerie 2. a child has told a teacher they didn't get dressed all weekend 3. a child says they're not allowed anyone back for tea as daddy doesn't like it 4. a ten yr old tells you her mum makes her a special drink each night 5. two children in your class have been overheard discussing call of duty & GTA................

see what I mean, any of these could trigger a referral to social care.

Best not to ruffle feathers when it comes to education/schools, toe the line, do as they ask and they'll usually be happy.

Its the ones who don't engage with school that raise massive alarm bells so take no notice of posters that say do go to the meeting, you must.

*dont

I mean what am I meant to say???

My DD has been ill, as per - list here:

Would you like to me to abide by the schools sickness bug rules or not?

If YES - fuck off, if NO, I will send her in sick going against the d and v rules.