Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to anti joint accounts ?

111 replies

mrsfuzzy · 09/03/2015 22:26

my 2nd husband and myself had a joint account with around £1000 init at the time of our split, i drew out half [i'm not greedy] to help pay bills, whilst waiting for benefits etc to kick in as i was a sahm to 4 young dcs, and he kicked off big time as he wanted all the money in the account to pay for his solicitor ! - 3rd dh wanted a joint account -for himself, and no.4 says no way, he had a very bad experience with his ex and money. what do other mners think about it ? sounds good on paper but what happens if it goes wrong ?

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 09/03/2015 22:28

It's my money or shared money. No way it's gonna be his money!

engeika · 09/03/2015 22:31

Sorry - did you say 4 DHs? Four husbands and the money issue is still not clear?

CalicoBlue · 09/03/2015 22:36

Own account for salary and own expenses. Joint account for bills, rent, food etc - we both pay an agreed amount in to the joint each month and both have access to spend the money.

What is left in our own accounts after the money has gone to the joint account is our own business.

Janethegirl · 09/03/2015 22:38

I'd be keeping my money very carefully. Don't quite get the 4th husband !
I married one dh, wtf would I do it again (and again etc)?
Cut yourself loose and have fun, please Smile

QueenBean · 09/03/2015 22:38

100% a terrible idea. I used to work for a bank and biggest cause of dispute was joint account when one partner would go severely overdrawn using the account and then they were both liable for it

Now tell us more about these four husbands?

Jaded2004 · 09/03/2015 22:40

I will never ever have a joint account again. On the very very slim chance that I will ever live with a man ever again I would have my own account and he would pay money for bills, rent etc into it. Bills would be in my name as would rent and anything else that needs to contributed towards. Other than that his money is his, his cat tax and mot and ins, his social money, blah blah blah. The hassle involved in separating it all out if joint is a nightmare.
Tbh I'd simply rather not live with a partner and certainly would have learned my lesson by no 4. Not trying to judge but I simply cannot understand why someone would put themselves through it time and again. You've certainly got courage

tippytappywriter · 09/03/2015 22:41

Calico -I agree. Best of both worlds then. Surely you have an idea now about what works and what doesn't OP...with all that experience. Grin

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/03/2015 22:45

I agree Calico. It's simple and works for us.

cleanmyhouse · 09/03/2015 22:46

Cat tax Grin

FarFromAnyRoad · 09/03/2015 22:48

Four husbands? Four? Which bit of your lesson are you failing to learn or is this one of those, you know, not quite real threads?

ElviraCondomine · 09/03/2015 22:52

Another family here with joint account for all the bills and mortgage, paid for by direct debits from individual accounts. But to be honest, if I didn't trust the person I was married to enough to share a joint account I wouldn't be married to them.

Jaded2004 · 09/03/2015 22:52

Well that needs to be paid for too Grin

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 09/03/2015 22:56

my dh's ? oh god that's a thread of its own, married at 18, 1st dh in army and was killed in conflict , married on the rebound,lasted five years 3rd was an alkie and died after three years and now with dh no.4 for keeps - PHEW ! right, back to business, eng, the money situation is very clear with no.4 we don't have any ! no, seriously though, he had a rough time of it and we decided from the word go, no joint account, bills get paid and we have our own money to spend as we wish, jane couldn't cut more free if i tried, with my own account i don't need to ask or answer to anyone, nor does he - it works for us, but i'm interested in other mners thoughts

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 09/03/2015 23:04

elvira i get what you are saying about not marrying if you couldn't trust someone with a joint account, same to you farfrom, my 2nd dh and i had a joint and that was fine until we split up, no.3 had little idea of saving so that was separate accounts, i think that explains the situation entirely, the point i'm making is that most people marry/live together with the intention of staying together but the problems can start if the marriage/ relationship breaks down as a matter of interest farfrom, is there a problem with several marriages ? some people have several cohabit partners over their life time and no one comments as if it is strange. everyone gets things wrong or makes mistakes sometimes.

OP posts:
CalicoBlue · 09/03/2015 23:08

mrsfuzzy so sorry that you have lost two husbands. I hope you have a happy and long life together with DH4.

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 09/03/2015 23:13

thank you calico, that is very kind of you, i wouldn't need to marry again, i've found my soul mate, it's a shame it took so long to meet him. some times i feel like a female henry vlll... thankfully i don't look like him though !! well, may be if i grew a beard and put on 15st. !

OP posts:
ToffeeLatteplease · 09/03/2015 23:17

Would NEVER EVER have a joint account with anyone again.

Great idea until it goes wrong then it's an absolute very expensive bugger to sort out.

Protection of a joint account? Just nievity

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 09/03/2015 23:25

jaded and toffee,you have my empathy, it starts with trust and good inten tions 'it'll never happen to us' thing. i never had bad experiences of joint account - only ever had the one- but it caused a mighty big blow up from ex thinking he was going to have the lot .

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 09/03/2015 23:27

Four husbands? Haha, one was enough for me... Grin

I always joke I will never marry again unless he is very old and very rich lol.

I've had one, we had separate accounts, a pre-nup (non-UK) and I will never share a bank account with anyone ever. I came into my marriage as an independent person and that is the way I want to live my life.

Oh, and by the way, he never took any money from me nor gave me any for our child

Flipchart · 09/03/2015 23:32

I've had a joint account nearl 30years. It's got a healthy balance in it.

DH never withdraws from it but contributes £500 a week. I put 1/2 my salary in and put the other half in savings.

I ask DH for cash when I need it (going to bank) DH usually has a bit of cash about him and leaves me what ever I want without question ( usually anything from a fiver to £100.
All bills are paid, money in our savings and pension accounts and no debts.
I buy what I want without any comment. It works for us.

opi · 09/03/2015 23:33

never ever. Its not a problem until its a problem, then it is too late. A wise old friend told me the perfect shape of a relationship is an 'H' each person runs along aside one another autonomous but connected - connection by heart and energy, not IMO by money. Smile

minipie · 09/03/2015 23:34

I'm pro joint accounts

I'm anti DHs who aren't on the same page as me about money

Separate accounts is fine until one of you stops or reduces earnings to look after the DC and/or take on more household tasks. At that point keeping money separate is unfair on the reduced-earnings partner.

Flipchart · 10/03/2015 07:38

I missed some words out on my post and now it doesn't make sense.

I ask DH for money when I need it ( (it saves me going to the bank)

I guess every relationship is different but in my case DH has never been skinny with money, even when we we t through a rocky patch in our marriage about 10 years ago. Money has never been used as a weapon or a method of control. Heck, he has even told me where his slush fund is if in case he dies!

Stillwishihadabs · 10/03/2015 07:46

We have a joint account for bills and household expenses. Individual accounts for everything else. When I wasn't working (Mat leave) dh put a bit more in, when he SAH I did. Been working for 15 years now

Dowser · 10/03/2015 07:48

Bill money goes into a joint account, then we put £100 each into a joint purse for food, drinks, cinema and pay cash for those. I hate cards and love cash.

If the bill money stacks up it pays for flights for a holiday.

The rest of our money is ours to spend how we like. If he buys me a present then I know he's bought it and vice versa. It hasn't come out of a joint account.

Swipe left for the next trending thread