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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to anti joint accounts ?

111 replies

mrsfuzzy · 09/03/2015 22:26

my 2nd husband and myself had a joint account with around £1000 init at the time of our split, i drew out half [i'm not greedy] to help pay bills, whilst waiting for benefits etc to kick in as i was a sahm to 4 young dcs, and he kicked off big time as he wanted all the money in the account to pay for his solicitor ! - 3rd dh wanted a joint account -for himself, and no.4 says no way, he had a very bad experience with his ex and money. what do other mners think about it ? sounds good on paper but what happens if it goes wrong ?

OP posts:

Contraryish · 10/03/2015 07:52

We have no concept of separate money. We both work for the same company (our own) and take the same salary, which is paid into the joint account. We have no separate current accounts. All funds are shared. I don't understand how you could have any concept of 'my' money and 'your' money when the nature of a marriage is that everything is pooled!

But it's horses for courses!

antumbra · 10/03/2015 07:55

We share all money. We never argue about who earns more or who spends more. Big purchases are discussed and agreed upon.

pissingglitter · 10/03/2015 07:56

Joint accounts work for lots of couples. We've been together 17 years and married 8. We both have separate accounts and it works for us. I pay are mortgage and electric my dh pays for water rates food shopping and life insurance. We pay roughly 50% each.

pissingglitter · 10/03/2015 07:57

Should be our mortgage! I hate spellchecker!

letscookbreakfast · 10/03/2015 07:57

We have a joint account mainly for bills, trying to manage bills seperately would be a nightmare I imagine. I know that you could work out who pays for what but it's hassle and it's easier if we both put most of our salary into the joint account on pay day that way the bills will be paid etc.

SomewhereIBelong · 10/03/2015 08:02

Contraryish - we also have no concept of separate - all is pooled - some savings are in my name, some in his because you can't have a joint ISA, but it is still "our" ISA.

Money is pooled, life is pooled, we own a house(outright) and a car together. We have 2 kids (12 and 14) and a dog - they would be more important to me in the unlikely event of a break up. (no I'm not naive, of course it "could" happen - but we are still going strong at 30 years together ) We are on the same page money wise which helps.

DuchessofBuffonia · 10/03/2015 08:06

We've only just got a joint account after 13 years, but it only really has the child benefit going in or out of it. We had a view of moving all bills to it, but haven't got around to it.

DH is the SAHP. We worked out a family budget and I transfer an agreed set amount to him each month, plus extras when needed. It works well for us, however, we are very much on the same page regarding money and have frequent discussions about it.

Stillwishihadabs · 10/03/2015 08:08

I suppose it depends on your lifestyle. We both go on holiday a couple of times a year without the other one (I have family in Spain,Dh has an annual "boys ski trip") I would feel pretty resentful if he paid for that with "joint" money. Also I have a lot of work related costs again something I wouldn't expect DH to pay for.

Contraryish · 10/03/2015 08:10

Somewhere - we're similar, have savings in one or other name but only because they can't be joint. Mortgage shared, shared ownership of all cars and both drive them as and when. Two children (10 and 8), two dogs, two cats and still going strong 20-odd years in.

GoooRooo · 10/03/2015 08:13

We have a joint account. DH is TERRIBLE with money and is also a terrible worrier about it - which is not a good combination. Since having a joint account we cleared all his pre-marriage debts, have bought two properties and can manage to afford a holiday this year.

If he wants to buy anything over about £20 he checks if we can afford it. It works for us really well - we have never had a row about money - but I can understand why other people use different arrangements.

UngratefulMoo · 10/03/2015 08:13

DH and I have a joint account (came with our mortgage) but we rarely use it. I earn more than him and pay most of the bills from my current account, we split the mortgage and he pays the cleaning lady :)

GoooRooo · 10/03/2015 08:14

Also - we earn vastly different amounts. I earn nearly three times what DH does. If he only had his salary to live on he'd be in debt again pretty quickly. For us, it's better for everything to go in one pot.

antumbra · 10/03/2015 08:20

Gooroo- my OH is hopeless with money too. Although he earns more than me it all goes into one pot and I usually make the big decisions about what we can afford.
Neither of us are materialistic though so never feel that one is spending too much.

ClassicTron · 10/03/2015 08:23

We only have joint accounts (except ISAs, which can't be joint and we have exactly equal). All spending decisions are joint, or happily delegated from joint money. I really don't see how it can be anything else. How can you live in a partnership where one person has more spending power than the other?

Obviously lots of people work that way, but I don't get it.

VeryAgedParent · 10/03/2015 08:33

I have MY account (in joint names in case anything happens to either of us) and he has HIS account (also in joint names).
The two accounts are quite separate and neither one of us uses the others "account".
We each have our responsibilities as regards bills, ie I cover mortgage insurances, sky,etc whilst DH covers utilities Council tax and food.

Dh is my second husband, first H emptied the Joint Account (I was the earner, he was a layabout)
I have been married to DH for 30+ years the "joint but separate accounts" works well for us!

ClassicTron · 10/03/2015 08:36

That's interesting Very because, to me, it seems like the worst of both worlds. Completely separate finances, which I would find difficult, but either of you could still run off with he lot, should the mood take you. It doesn't protect you from what happened before at all.

Murphy29 · 10/03/2015 08:36

We have both and that seems to be the norm for our group of friends. Wages go to individual accounts then we both transfer an equal amount into the joint account for all bills, food, anything for DS. What is in the individual accs is then ours to do as we please. I'd hate to use joint acc to buy DH birthday present for example.

I think it works for us as we've always been fairly similar earners although I'm on mat leave at the moment which has been a shock to the system. Now I'm on stat pay DH wants to cover my share to the joint account and is always giving me into trouble for using my own account instead of the joint one when I'm out with DS so it definitely helps that he's not an arse!

GoooRooo · 10/03/2015 08:42

antumbra this point is an interesting one "Neither of us are materialistic though so never feel that one is spending too much."

I think it's true that for joint accounts to work well, you need to have similar priorities in terms of spending money. So for example neither me or DH are into designer clothes/shoes/bags and we don't go out an awful lot, but we do like holidays and we like the house to look nice so those things are prioritised. I think if two people have wildly differing ideas on what is important to spend money on it must be incredibly difficult to work with joint accounts.

ClassicTron I completely agree with this "How can you live in a partnership where one person has more spending power than the other?"

Perhaps separate accounts work better when the partners have a roughly equal amount of income, but in cases (like mine) where one partner is so much better off than the other financially, it would be so difficult. If DH and I gave half for all bills then had our own money left for spending I'd be rolling in it and he'd be completely broke every month.

TheSingingMonkey · 10/03/2015 08:44

Joint and separate account for us.

Joint for anything house related, mortgage bills etc. Wages go into our own accounts and we pay a sum proportionate to our earnings into the joint account. So as I'm part time I pay less.

notnaice · 10/03/2015 08:45

I don't understand how a relationship can be equal if one person has more money to spend, either. It is a partnership where you share your lives, not a flat share. More of our assets are in my name for tax reasons. We have a joint account. We both know that we are both sensible with money and agree bigger purchases. It is our money.

But we do have the same attitude to money so I can understand separate accounts if you don't.
You can have separate accounts if that's easier but there must be equal spending money IMO, to make it fair.

When we both applied for new credit cards he was a bit that my credit card limit was much higher than his, even though I was a SAHM and he was a high earner!

avocadotoast · 10/03/2015 08:47

I always swore I'd never have a joint account after seeing too many women completely cleared out during a separation.

However, I do have a joint account with DH. We put everything in there and everything comes out of there. For us it's just easier than fannying about with who pays for what.

I do have a current account just in my name that we use as a savings account though, there's not much in it but I suppose I have a little security there should the worst happen. Plus I deal with all the finances and know the online banking details...DH does not.

antumbra · 10/03/2015 08:49

My ex husband was very precious about "his" money.

He earned more than I did, but would insist that everything was split down the middle, mortgage, bills etc.
We went travelling for a year abroad, I remember going to buy rucksacks for the trip. My budget was £100- his was £300, so he bougt a far nicer and lighter rucksack.
Even whilst on the trip he would sometimes book into a swanky 5 star hotel for a few nights while I could only afford a two or 3 star- so I would have to stay in another part of town at a cheapo hotel.

THankfully we had no kids - and thankfully we divorced.

Scotchmincepie · 10/03/2015 08:50

No shared account. After 40 years on my own couldn't imagine it, husband's first wife has made him nervous of joint accounts, she was/is a spender. Own money, I give him some for bills, split the shopping, probably I spend a bit more. He pays for his kids and big stuff on house and I pay for small stuff on the house. It's his house, I have one I rent out.

We did discuss a shared account for bills but this works, we are both relatively high earners though, if we or one of us needed to downsize we'd probably re think. But I can't imagine one shared account. I don't think I'd be very good at that....

babygiraffe86 · 10/03/2015 09:04

*Own account for salary and own expenses. Joint account for bills, rent, food etc - we both pay an agreed amount in to the joint each month and both have access to spend the money.

What is left in our own accounts after the money has gone to the joint account is our own business.*

calico this is the exact same set up in our house, joint account has all the mortgage and bills etc. then we know what we each have left for the month :)

brittabot · 10/03/2015 09:13

Similar to many of you with separate and joint accounts - DH salary goes into joint account, mortgage, bills, groceries etc get paid and then we each get personal money for our own account to spend how we choose. I have internet access to DHs account, he doesn't to mine! I'm a SAHM so we view all income as family money but I feel it's important to have my own account whereas it doesn't bother DH. Works for us.

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