aibu to anti joint accounts ?

[mrsfuzzy]

my 2nd husband and myself had a joint account with around £1000 init at the time of our split, i drew out half [i'm not greedy] to help pay bills, whilst waiting for benefits etc to kick in as i was a sahm to 4 young dcs, and he kicked off big time as he wanted all the money in the account to pay for his solicitor ! - 3rd dh wanted a joint account -for himself, and no.4 says no way, he had a very bad experience with his ex and money. what do other mners think about it ? sounds good on paper but what happens if it goes wrong ?

I thought a joint bank account protected you if you were the lower earner or a SAHM. I couldn't believe how wrong I was.

Joint credit cards ditto

I would have been far better insisting on separate account and working out a sensible budget, even if it works you pay this I'll pay the other. If it does all go wrong you can't see (serious amounts of) money disappear out of your own account before your eyes, you can out of a joint account or joint savings.

It is also very clear who is responsible for what. There is your debt and my debt. There is no joint debt. That might not mean much when your married it does if your divorcing and your ex is muddied the waters so much his debt now looks like joint debt. Then it matters very much.

To my a relationship is about being with someone. it is not about financial ties

Shocked Antumbra

Thank god you got rid. How come you didn't spend the night in your husbands swanky hotel. Surely the price was per room not per person.

I can't believe he would let you do that!

We also have our own accounts and a joint account for bills. This has worked for us for over 20 years, though various permutations of us both working, me SAHMing and me earning far less than Dh.

Price was per person- in Java.

My mother was a surrendered wife. Wasn't a great start for adulthood for me.

Everything we have is joint despite the fact that I earn more than twice what DH earns. Wouldn't have it any other way. Separate accounts lead to resentment.

We have a joint account for all bills, we have a budget and put a small amount over that in there so we save a little between us but the bulk monies go into our own accounts. Gift money tends to go into the joint account. We have no overdraft facility though, that's one thing we both refused.

For us a joint account works well. We have many accounts though

Main Joint account - for bills/ rent/ children's stuff/ family meals out/ food etc. we both put a fixed amount in monthly. Enough to cover all that plus have spare to build up for bigger expenses

Savings joint - both put fixed amount in monthly. For holidays and house deposit

Then both have individual separate current accounts and separate savings. For all purchases for that person ie clothing/ books/ gifts/ random crap.

I can see how if there was debt in the relationship separate accounts might be necessary. We only have the mortgage and that is joint.

All our spare money goes on the house and paying off the mortgage anyway and so separate accounts would be a bit pointless.

All you that day 'definitely never ever a joint account', what if you're a SAHM? We have to have a joint account as I have absolutely no income of my own! Far better than DH giving me 'pocket money' or 'housekeeping' to spend .

Got - erm people get partner to put half automatically into an individual account if they wanted to

Everything just goes in the main account, my meagre wage, his mega one, child benefit, premium bond winnings (a whole £100 ish a year!), inheritance, money from step mum for presents etc...

Savings to emergency fund and separate ISAs come out after the last bill is paid for the month. (all ISAs are "ours" though have to be in sep names.)

How can you live in a partnership where one person has more spending power than the other?

A joint account doesn't necessarily mean equal spending power, it can mean whoever spends the fastest gets more.

Joint accounts are only "fairer" than separate accounts if the definition of "fairness" involves transfers of money that the giving partner doesn't agree with. (So the definition of fairness is presumably one the giving partner doesn't agree with.) If there's no disagreement about spending then it makes no difference to spending power whether there are joint or separate accounts. Money can be transferred between separate accounts to rectify any imbalances.

If there is disagreement, then joint accounts favour the one wanting to spend the other persons income, and disadvantage that person. It isn't always fairer for the one wanting to spend what the other person earned to get their way.

We have a joint account for regular bills - mortgage, council tax etc & a joint credit card for household expenses - food, kids clothing etc, paid off in full each month. My DH pays both of these. We each have our own separate accounts & the money in those is solely ours to do with as we please (I pay for my car, petrol etc out of this). DH earns around x 10 what I do so our view is that is it fair that he pays the lion's share of expenses.

If I needed extra I would be able to ask him to sub me a bit of cash but it works well for us- don't need to justify an expensive pair of shoes for example!!

As with many others, joint account for household bills (and I suppose savings as we have an offset mortgage so 'save' that way), and separate accounts for everything else. All money theoretically goes into the joint account, and anything left after joint spending is divided equally between us to go into our separate accounts.

Joint account for all bills, into which we put enough money to cover absolutely everything. Spends from own sole accounts. Savings all in my name

Even whilst on the trip he would sometimes book into a swanky 5 star hotel for a few nights while I could only afford a two or 3 star- so I would have to stay in another part of town at a cheapo hotel

GotToBeInItToWinIt -

A decent human being wouldn't care/make a fuss if they were giving you was "pocket money" or "housekeeping". They probably would even call it that. It would still be out money no matter whose account is was in

So how does it matter if you have separate accounts or joint? Does having separate accounts suddenly make a decent human being a twat? No It does not. A decent human being will still treat all money as our money whether it is in joint accounts or not.

Sadly not a decent human being will still treat you as giving you pocket money or housekeeping even with a joint account.

Having a joint account is no protection against marrying a twat, it is no protection against divorcing a twat and it is no protection against a twat when you separate draining all the money out of a joint account when you need the money for children's food.

Branding twats so you can recognise them before you marry might help, joint accounts most certainly do not.

This is weird because I was thinking about starting a thread like this but the other way around! :-)

We only have joint accounts, joint ISA and joint savings etc and I couldn't imagine it any other way. I think you make a commitment in marriage to be a team, without caveating it with statements like "but just in case something goes wrong..." However, I will say we have a healthy income (£Three figures k/ year) and so perhaps it is easier if financial worries are less and money doesn't have to be very closely managed.

I earn 3 x what DH does, so I guess it is a reversal on the traditional marital roles, and still feel this way. It all just goes into the one pot, the bills come out, the savings/ ISA get transferred out and we never question what each other buys or does with spending money. However, we would mention to each other if we were going to make a "large" purchase, like him a new suit or something like that, and whether it was best to do it this week, next month etc.

you sound so bitter toffee, i feel for you, my 3rd dh, was just the same, could not keep a £ if his life depended on it, but then he was a drinker which became worse once i became pregnant,[stupid i know']booze money had to be spend on nappies, how dare ibu ! thankfully we never had a joint account but he would grab any benefits going that were meant for the family [including my four dcs

I think there are pros and cons. Joint accounts and joint credit cards make everything transparent. Sole accounts mean somebody could be running up debts for years and years before anything came to light.

I think it is artificial to believe that you aren't financially tied to somebody once you have children.

Separate accounts are all fine and dandy unless you are self employed. We can't do the 'transfer money every month' thing because income is erratic and unpredictable. It can be a bit feast or famine really and the mortgage and bills come first before splitting up money for personal spending so it just isn't practical to try and take a regular amount out of the account when you might have a big bill to pay which is more important.

My protection, as the lower paid half of the marriage is our savings accounts. We put into accounts equally in our own names and I also have an account that I opened when I was employed, pre children where I put a little bit of my bonuses (we aren't talking bankers' bonuses - a couple of hundred at a time). You can't have joint ISAs, I don't think, and that money is entirely under my control.

The thing is, I think there are problems with either arrangement if things go wrong. I have read enough threads on here about people who have been left with nothing as the higher earner has not paid in the agreed amount of an account or other couples who are still together where the arrangements are controlled by one partner i.e. both halves of the partnership have to put the same amount into a bills account even though they earn much less meaning that one person has lots of personal spending money (which they generally squander on themselves) and the other has to scrimp and save to get the money together for their 'half'. If you have a marriage has a fundamental issue, there is no foolproof way of ensuring your financial security short of being the higher earner but that isn't always practical.

Bertha- you're right on ISAs having to be in one name. I wasn't clear when I said "joint", I meant in the way we manage them/ view them. One ISA each but we consider them to be one, single place to save money.

I like our joint account. Bills and mortgage come out of it, and then spending money goes into our personal accounts for us to manage as we want. It feels fair and transparent. I'd get quite stressed if I couldn't see what was going on with big joint expenditure. Having said that, I think I'd be stressed if we only had the joint account and I had to watch DH spending money on some of the random shite he likes to buy and I'm sure he'd probably feel the same about me.

As it is, we have the best of both worlds.

Even whilst on the trip he would sometimes book into a swanky 5 star hotel for a few nights while I could only afford a two or 3 star- so I would have to stay in another part of town at a cheapo hotel

Oh my God! How long did you stay with him!

Though to be fair - re 5 star hotel husband, I know someone who did this the other way round. He wanted to stay in a flea pit as it was £1 a night (no money problems at all just still thinks he's a teenage backpacker not a 50 something bloke) and wife put her foot down and booked into a nice hotel and said he could join her if he wanted. Which he did after a night...