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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think FIL should not have a key to the house?

138 replies

TwigletFiend · 09/03/2015 08:09

So DP and I have just moved into a new house. It is on the site of a new business venture (garden centre) that DP and FIL have purchased through their company. The house is now separated from the business part by a wall and is completely closed off from the public space.

Yesterday I was feeding our 4 month old DD in the living room when FIL walked into the house. I am not shy about feeding but it scared the life out of me as I thought I was alone! It turns out he has a key to the house and let himself in without knocking, calling hello etc. He wandered around commenting on my choice of decor for a while, running his hand over my furniture (why?!), generally giving ME the feeling that he sees it as 'his'. Which I know it sort of is, but if we have to live here I feel like our private space needs to be respected. DP is going away to Cambodia for 2 weeks on a motorbike trip as of tomorrow and FIL rather ominously commented that I would be seeing a lot of him while DP is away as he left yesterday.

AIBU to think that we should have our privacy respected and ask for FILs key back? DP already tends to bring work home with him and that's before we agreed to move in at his new workplace. I really feel that the two need to be separate for the sake of my sanity.

OP posts:
ElsaShmelsa · 10/03/2015 10:23

Well done your DP for changing the locks, although I'm hoping he's had a word with his DF aswell, it's not up to you to have to deal with the confrontation of him finding out that the locks have been changed and having to explain why!! I would feel very uncomfortable having that conversation on my own... Hmm

trulybadlydeeply · 10/03/2015 10:29

It's going to be really interesting to see his reaction when he tries his key in the lock...

Good on your DP for changing the locks.

Artistic · 10/03/2015 10:32

Put new locks - make sure it's a Mul-T-lock ie you can't make copies of the key with a local locksmith. You need to send the key number to specific stores to get copies. Only 2 keys are originally given with the lock, so you can be assured no copies can ever be made without your permission!

Artistic · 10/03/2015 10:35

Oops - just saw that your DP has already done it!

Hope you've planned your 2 week holiday in the next year - to make up for DP's current one?!Smile

Jackie0 · 10/03/2015 10:37

Just to echo what Elsa said, good job changing the locks but the problem isn't solved until the conversation happens. FIL really needs to be told this isn't on.

dustarr73 · 10/03/2015 10:46

I think the conversation should have happened before changing the locks.All your dp has done is pass the problem to you.When FIL tries the lock all hell will break loose.

zzzzz · 10/03/2015 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCunnyFunt · 10/03/2015 11:10

Glad your DP changed the locks for you. What do you think FILs reaction will be when he tries to let himself in again?

dustarr73 · 10/03/2015 12:58

I think the perfect time would have been when he walked in the first time.And having his break there,nip that in the bud as well.

TheMaddHugger · 12/03/2015 08:39

OP, Is there an update ?

Original poster
TwigletFiend · 12/03/2015 11:19

Well.

FIL tried the lock at SEVEN THIRTY the morning DP left at five in the morning - needless to say me and DD were still asleep Hmm

He rang the house phone but I ignored it and he went away. When he reappeared at a more normal time later in the morning, he grumbled about not being able to get in so I made a casual mention that we didn't think we would need help decorating etc now we were in so didn't think they would need a key any more. So far that seems to have been the end of it. Fingers crossed! I have been keeping the security chain on when I'm in too to make sure nobody wanders in without knocking. MIL tried to let herself in this morning when I was in the living room with DD but couldn't get the door too far open.

That makes both of them. I am beginning to suspect that DP has given the impression that it is acceptable behaviour. MIL at least agreed when I said I was happier with the chain on all the time while I am up here on my own so hopefully the problem is solved! Thanks for your support, MNers! Smile

OP posts:
zzzzz · 12/03/2015 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwantgin · 12/03/2015 11:24

Blimey!

It's a good that the locks have been changed then.

Why would he want to come so early in the morning? I'd have gone spare if I was surprised at that time of day.

QOD · 12/03/2015 12:07

What a cheek. But dp needs to an up and point out its your home

TheMaddHugger · 12/03/2015 12:27

Well Done Grin

CunningCat · 12/03/2015 12:36

Bloody 7.30 Confused
Glad you got new locks.
Sounds like pil treat you like children not adults. I would have to have words with them!

TheCunnyFunt · 12/03/2015 12:43

7.30 Shock What on earth for!?! And then he had the cheek to grumble that he couldn't let himself into your home!?!

zzzzz · 12/03/2015 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 12/03/2015 14:56

Loving this thread, particularly that your DP really is a DP and changed the locks.
I'm sure he doesn't want his parents to walk out on both of you at odd hours either. Wink

And good for you for standing up to them. :)

My parents have a key to my place, but they always knock or phone.

diddl · 12/03/2015 15:28

How did MIl get the door open at all if you have new keys & locks?

FIl grumbled about not being able to get in??

to someone elses house??

OnlyLovers · 12/03/2015 15:51

I don't know how he dared! I wouldn't be able to leave it at a polite comment about not needing help decorating. I think he deserves to be told roundly that you do not try to walk into someone else's fucking house.

And MIL too.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 12/03/2015 15:59

I'm glad your dp changed the locks . The cheek of some people!

Flossyfloof · 12/03/2015 16:01

Should it come to this, my Dad bought very cheaply an alarm which hung over the Yale lock. The lock was quite high,and the noise this little alarm emitted was genuinely ear splitting, I jumped out of my skin when I let myself in (haha, he was disabled I hd a key and he was expecting me. He only set it to annoy me and its is). It needed no fitting so if you needed one you could just pop it on yourself (and invite FIL round, telling him just to let himself in)

Flossyfloof · 12/03/2015 16:01

Oops why didn't that work?

DowntownFunk · 12/03/2015 16:07

7.30 in the morning? Fuck that.