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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think FIL should not have a key to the house?

138 replies

TwigletFiend · 09/03/2015 08:09

So DP and I have just moved into a new house. It is on the site of a new business venture (garden centre) that DP and FIL have purchased through their company. The house is now separated from the business part by a wall and is completely closed off from the public space.

Yesterday I was feeding our 4 month old DD in the living room when FIL walked into the house. I am not shy about feeding but it scared the life out of me as I thought I was alone! It turns out he has a key to the house and let himself in without knocking, calling hello etc. He wandered around commenting on my choice of decor for a while, running his hand over my furniture (why?!), generally giving ME the feeling that he sees it as 'his'. Which I know it sort of is, but if we have to live here I feel like our private space needs to be respected. DP is going away to Cambodia for 2 weeks on a motorbike trip as of tomorrow and FIL rather ominously commented that I would be seeing a lot of him while DP is away as he left yesterday.

AIBU to think that we should have our privacy respected and ask for FILs key back? DP already tends to bring work home with him and that's before we agreed to move in at his new workplace. I really feel that the two need to be separate for the sake of my sanity.

OP posts:
AmberLav · 09/03/2015 10:25

Get DP to speak to his father immediately! That just sounds weird!

My in-laws have a key to our house, and us to theirs, but none of us would dream of just walking in completely unannounced! My sister is staying with us at the moment, and she even knocks and waits a few seconds before she lets herself in.

championnibbler · 09/03/2015 10:47

What did he mean that you would be seeing more of him?
has he made a pass at you?
does he have form for perving on women?
Is he a sleaze?

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/03/2015 11:36

Sounds creepy and very stressful Sad

ShebaRabbit · 09/03/2015 11:49

That is incredibly weird and threatening behaviour from your FIL. Did you not ask him why he thinks its ok to let himself in? I'd be fuming. Do not stay in that house alone with your baby unless the locks are changed, he's setting down a marker and pushing boundaries deliberately. Very worrying comment about seeing a lot more of him.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/03/2015 12:01

Are they running the garden centre together? Does your FIL think that your home/kitchen is somewhere he can hang out and take breaks and eat his sandwiches or something?

CrystalCove · 09/03/2015 12:10

What does your DP think?

RattieofCatan · 09/03/2015 12:41

DP needs to sort this now. I would seriously not be happy about the idea of him walking in as he wants!

GatoradeMeBitch · 09/03/2015 12:43

Say you are not comfortable living in a house where a door could open any time of day. Who would be?! Everyone needs privacy in their own home.

I wouldn't even be comfortable saying he should call first. You need to change the locks, or use a chain, or wedge, whatever. But your personal comfort in your home (doesn't matter who owns it) is the priority. Make sure it's sorted before your DH leaves.

SweetValentine · 09/03/2015 13:37

It sounds VERY creepy, but maybe your DP has asked him to keep an eye on you whilst he's gone for two weeks?

BeyondRepair · 09/03/2015 13:39

yes fine for people who respect boundaries and privacy to have keys, not fine for people like your fil to have them

i dont like what he has done, was he hoping to catch you in state of in dress?

Rainbunny · 09/03/2015 15:51

Add a deadbolt to your doors if you can't get the key back from your FIL. Door wedges are a quick temporary solution too.

slanleat · 09/03/2015 16:59

I like the doorwedge idea. Simple and easy for you to kick to one side to open the door quickly if need be. It's what I would do for the moment.

I would either get your DP to talk to his father or you do it yourself.

A friend of mine had similar problems with her in-laws when she and her DH took over ownership of what had been the family home. All the in-laws had keys and would often let themselves into the house.

She changed the front door - and consequently changed the locks - but it was less passive aggressive!

I have keys to my folks house for almost 30 years now and have yet to actually use them! Similarly we have keys to my mil's house and in the past ten years have only used them once.

TeaOneSugar · 09/03/2015 17:37

My MIL has a key but would only use it if we asked her to, and she's not great at boundaries generally.

Add a yale lock and don't provide a key.

MrsMonkeyBear · 09/03/2015 17:41

Mil has a key but uses it when dropping my dd home. She will always text or call me to check if I'm home as she can't get in otherwise. We have 2 locks and she only has one key.

Original poster
TwigletFiend · 09/03/2015 17:57

I don't think he meant it in a creepo kind of way - more as a dig at DP daring to go away and therefore leaving him to do 'all the work' on the business side. But I think someone had it bang on, he seems to see the house as somewhere to sit and eat his lunch, dig around in the cupboards to make a brew etc. We have a bit of a strained relationship anyway and the whole thing just makes me hugely uncomfortable.

But DP has changed the locks for me today before he goes - my hero! So I'm hoping that will be that with nothing more needing to be said.

OP posts:
Bibasbottom · 09/03/2015 18:19

Good on your DP for sorting it out before he goes!

FryOneFatManic · 09/03/2015 19:55

Of course, there will be a moment when your FIL tries to let himself in with the old key. That could be interesting.

TendonQueen · 09/03/2015 20:01

Be prepared to wait it out while he wrestles with the old key and ignore him ringing the doorbell. Later you can sweetly tell him you were having a nap.

Fluffy40 · 09/03/2015 20:21

Get a spare key for HIS house, and barge in around say ten pm , cheeky sod.

MumToFourCats · 09/03/2015 20:28

Glad your DP has sorted the keys. :)

TheMaddHugger · 10/03/2015 09:28

'settles in with a cuppa and toast' to wait for the inplosion from Fil when he tries his key Wink

zzzzz · 10/03/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Discopanda · 10/03/2015 09:59

Nip it in the bud now. Take away his key and give somebody else one in the case of an emergency.

sybilwibble · 10/03/2015 10:08

What other have already said, but also, if your dp is going to be away for 2 weeks and you are home alone, I'd be getting a door chain and deadbolt fitted anyway, just for your own peace of mind and security. ( even without the creepy fil)

OnlyLovers · 10/03/2015 10:13

Good on your DP. That's outrageous. If a landlord did that I think you could call the police on them.

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