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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Bless you"

248 replies

Thistledew · 08/03/2015 12:06

I'm not talking about a response to a sneeze, but AIBU to find it patronising and irritating to my atheist ears when people decide to "bless" me for just going about my daily life.

I have a couple of Christian relatives who do this. Some recent examples when they have let the need to say "bless you" have included me serving them lunch at my house, or telling them about time I have spent with an elderly and frail relative (not a chore, I enjoy spending time with them) or talking about a health problem that I am working to overcome. It seems I can't tell them about anything that is part of my daily life without them saying "Oh Bless you"! I don't need or want any special recognition for something that is quite ordinary to me.

I think it annoys me in part because amongst non Christians "Awww, bless!" is what you might say when seeing something cute and slightly daft, and it surprises me that my Christian relatives don't seem to realise this. Also, it seems to be part of a bigger picture of them being quite condescending about their faith any my lack of it, and it feels a bit like them saying "I'm Christian and wonderful and can hand out blessings when you manage so well at daily life despite your lack of faith".

So AIBU to be irritated by this? Should I feel grateful? Or do I just need to work harder at letting it fade into white noise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thistledew · 08/03/2015 15:41

SoupDragon - I was making the same non-comparison that you didn't make. I think you rather missed my point, but bless you for contributing to this thread anyway.

I have to log off now and do something a little more productive.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 08/03/2015 15:47

Thistle I'd probably laugh, if it was said as an expression of pleasure

Sorry but I had a very TMI thought, that you wouldn't want to hear it after a night of passion

  • how was it for you, darling
  • it was amaaaazing. Bless you
goindowntoyasgursfarm · 08/03/2015 15:49

Sake man.

I'm an atheist.

I might decide to say 'Bless you' to, say, my colleague across the desk from me.

Just making conversation, innit??

Momagain1 · 08/03/2015 15:49

It sounds like they are saying where others might say 'thank you' or 'that was kind of you'. Just assume thats what they mean and move on, as you know how they are and they wont be changing.

BubblesInMyBath · 08/03/2015 15:52

I have a rather patronising friend who is southern American

I have now learned that she is in fact being rude with her bless your heart comments, not merely patronising.

Interesting Grin

loiner45 · 08/03/2015 15:53

You're annoyed, I think, because you don't like the people saying it - it's symptomatic of something in them you dislike. You seem to unreasonably extrapolating that to the use of the phrase generally. I think it would annoy me if said by people I did not like or respect - but the only time I hear it used on a regular basis is by two elderly aunts that I adore. They are both fantastic people, heavily involved in their church (which I left 30 yrs ago) do lots in the community and have taken in their stride things like gay marriage (very supportive of nieces who came out).

When I stay with them I get "bless you" and "night night God bless" on a regular basis. Apart from the latter making me feel about 6 rather than 60 Grin I'm not offended by it in the slightest even though I don't believe it "does" anything. It's a way of them conveying their love and care for me in terms that make sense within their universe. They'd probably be quite amused if I replied "may the force be with you" - which is a bit closer to my own views.

From what you say I really do think it's about your poor relationship with those people - not the phrase they use.

daisychain01 · 08/03/2015 16:05

loiner My Grandad always said Night night, God Bless, takes me back to my childhood!

SconeRhymesWithGone · 08/03/2015 16:06

Bubbles Context is all important. "Bless her heart" said about someone is often likely to be short for "Bless her heart, she tries, but she's the most incompetent person I have ever known."

But "Bless your heart" to someone may be much more benign. Say, your friend was late meeting you for lunch, and when she got there told you a sad tale of car trouble, losing her phone, etc. You might say, well, "bless your heart." It might mean "I sympathize." It might also mean "I don't believe your excuses, but I love you anyway."

"Bless you," though, almost always means "may God bless you."

antumbra · 08/03/2015 16:07

A blessing can be traced back to pagan times- literally meaning "to mark with blood".

It doesn't really trouble me too much, although christians are obvioulsy deluded, they do mean to bless as a positive comment and although arrogant does not spring from malice.

Count yourself lucky- my sister is an evangelical pastor and I have caught her trying to exorcise my children and sprinkle holy water around my atheist/pagan home.

paxtecum · 08/03/2015 16:16

antumbra: I don't want to offend or irritate you but I'm interested in your holy water comment: as a pagan do you not believe in holy water?
I've got a bottle of Glasonbury Chalice Well water and sprinkle it around my home now and then.
I love visiting sacred wells and ancient sites. The energies there are wonderful.

antumbra · 08/03/2015 16:23

Paxetum, I appreciate your views- I too think that there are sacred or energy giving places. I am not a pagan however.

My issue lies in the fact that my sister thinks that evil dwells in my home, that satan resides with me. It's not the holy water per se that offends, it is the sanctimonius clap trap that accompanies it.

paxtecum · 08/03/2015 16:40

antumbru, oh yes, I can see why your SIL is a problem to you.

That would be very annoying.

antumbra · 08/03/2015 16:50

Thanks. X Are you a pagan pax?

( My sister though unfortunately not my SIL)

Ratarse · 08/03/2015 16:55

Yep, rubs me up the wrong way too.

The worst offenders though are people who 'thank God', such and such a body pulled through their illness / accident. No, that will be the tens of dedicated medical staff, medicines and treatments that did that!

MajesticWhine · 08/03/2015 16:57

I say bless you, and I am an non-believer. It is just an expression, which means thank you / I appreciate you / that's kind of you etc. I think you are totally over thinking it to find it condescending.

antumbra · 08/03/2015 17:01

Ratarse- such a good point. My niece has had fertility problems. She is an evangelical christian. She has had IVF which thankfully ( on the 3rd cycle) allowed her to conceive and give birth to her lovely baby boy.

Her church has highlighted her story as a "miracle", that God has blessed her with abundance.
Forgetting all the medical staff, scientists etc who have actually made this happen.

IronMaggie · 08/03/2015 17:02

Hmm I'm an atheist and a pedant, and while I might be bemused by the phrase, I'd struggle to find it irritating. I'd go for the 'white noise' option in your original question.

chickydoo · 08/03/2015 17:09

Clearly I'm going to the dark side, I say 'bless you' all the time.
I am not a church goer, I mean it in a way that who ever I'm talking to knows I am on their side :)
Bless you mumsnetters you a a lovely lot........take it how you will Grin

emotionsecho · 08/03/2015 17:14

I think you are conflating your irritation and dislike of the people saying it with the phrase.

TheFecklessFairy · 08/03/2015 17:17

It's not like they are shouting 'fucking praise the Lord you atheist she devil'

Oh brilliant - this ^^ in all its glory!! Smile

AliceLidl · 08/03/2015 17:32

Can you just keep replying with "But I didn't sneeze" when they say it? Be all confused.

Or possibly, with the above reply about 'fucking praise the lord…" because that would be so Shock you'd all have to Grin about it.

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 17:37

I don't patronise. The Grin was too show it was a joke.

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 17:38

Alice

The 'praise the fucking Lord you she devil' has actually been shouted at me Grin

Vycount · 08/03/2015 17:42

Well Op, it boils my piss. I don't mind the occasional "bless you" but I've got a couple of friends who are constantly "Ahhhh... bless ya!" all the bloody time and quite frankly it makes me want to do them violence. Grin

Shil0846 · 08/03/2015 17:42

YABVU.

Like it or not, Britain has a Christian heritage stretching back c. 1500 years. It is hardly surprising that this heritage is reflected in popular parlance. And "bless you" is a common phrase.

The OP seems to require anyone with whom s/he interacts to consider the etymology of their words to avoid irritating the OP's atheist sensibilities.

Conversation with the OP must be a right barrel of laughs.