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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Bless you"

248 replies

Thistledew · 08/03/2015 12:06

I'm not talking about a response to a sneeze, but AIBU to find it patronising and irritating to my atheist ears when people decide to "bless" me for just going about my daily life.

I have a couple of Christian relatives who do this. Some recent examples when they have let the need to say "bless you" have included me serving them lunch at my house, or telling them about time I have spent with an elderly and frail relative (not a chore, I enjoy spending time with them) or talking about a health problem that I am working to overcome. It seems I can't tell them about anything that is part of my daily life without them saying "Oh Bless you"! I don't need or want any special recognition for something that is quite ordinary to me.

I think it annoys me in part because amongst non Christians "Awww, bless!" is what you might say when seeing something cute and slightly daft, and it surprises me that my Christian relatives don't seem to realise this. Also, it seems to be part of a bigger picture of them being quite condescending about their faith any my lack of it, and it feels a bit like them saying "I'm Christian and wonderful and can hand out blessings when you manage so well at daily life despite your lack of faith".

So AIBU to be irritated by this? Should I feel grateful? Or do I just need to work harder at letting it fade into white noise?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 14:33

"thank you" and lucky me" are not the same thing as each other though Confused

SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 14:34

I tend to take things in the spirit in which they were said.

capsium · 08/03/2015 14:34

Thistle I'd probably laugh, if it was said as an expression of pleasure.

Original poster
Thistledew · 08/03/2015 14:41

SoupDragon - "thank you" and "bless you" do not have the same meaning either. Especially when "bless you" also seems to mean "that sounds tough, I hope it improves" or "that was thoughtful of you" or "oh you sweet, daft thing". Just say what you actually mean, and stop hiding behind platitudes!

Capsicum - next time my relatives say "bless you", I might try laughing.

OP posts:
capsium · 08/03/2015 14:45

If it is a genuine affectionate laugh, I don't think it would be offensive, Thistle. Aren't they very jolly? I love to hear laughter.

morethanpotatoprints · 08/03/2015 14:48

YABU it is their belief and they are asking their God to bless you.
It isn't your God as you are an atheist.

Original poster
Thistledew · 08/03/2015 14:49

It just smacks of being patronising again "Oh you are so funny with your little 'bless yous'. What a dafty!"

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 08/03/2015 14:49

It's patronising, that's what it is. Plenty people use it who not always mean it in a religious way. It means : aww, look at little you, having a little treat/ soldiering on/ can't believe you achieved sth.

SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 14:50

"thank you" and "bless you" do not have the same meaning either

I never compared them Confused

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 14:51

Think you have issues deeper than them using bless you.

You seem to be getting madder and madder Grin

iLoveMushrooms · 08/03/2015 14:52

lol yabu

Original poster
Thistledew · 08/03/2015 14:55

SoupDragon - you compared "lucky me" and "thank you". I was running the same comparison between "bless you" and "thank you"

Fuckit - not mad. Just stuck on the sofa with a torn calf muscle and bored. Are you joining in with examples of being patronising?

OP posts:
dougierose · 08/03/2015 15:00

I say "Bless you" when I want to thank someone in a more emotive way thank just saying "Thanks." I usually follow it up with "That's so kind of you" or "That was so sweet of you" so that they know I'm not about to make the sign of the cross or anything.

capsium · 08/03/2015 15:12

How would you feel if your surname was Blessed?

SconeRhymesWithGone · 08/03/2015 15:15

Don't come to the Southern US, OP, if the expression bothers you. It's a very common practice for people to say it here, and they mean it. I don't do it myself, but I don't mind others saying it to me. I figure I need all the help I can get. Smile

Original poster
Thistledew · 08/03/2015 15:19

Scone - that was actually one thing that triggered me to write this thread. I read something recently about how "Bless her heart" is actually used as a patronising and very cutting insult in Southern USA, and does mean something along the lines of "you are so useless only divine intervention can help you".

OP posts:
capsium · 08/03/2015 15:21

That would be 'God help you,' over here *Thistle'.

paxtecum · 08/03/2015 15:23

Mumsnet is an great form of education.
I have learnt that some one, some where will be offended by practically anything.
Until I joined MN I had no idea that people were so easily offended.

MissBattleaxe · 08/03/2015 15:28

Me too paxtecum. It never ceases to amaze me.

OP- I think you're nitpicking and I'm getting the impression that you are expecting people to change their use of the current vernacular around you in order to suit your atheist beliefs, whilst at the same time, making several not very subtle digs at their beliefs.

I think you should save your "issues" for something that is actually meant to offend you. "Bless you" is an innocent and well meaning remark. Save your energy and choose your battles.

Original poster
Thistledew · 08/03/2015 15:30

Paxtecum - I agree it is educational. I never knew there were so many people to view 'irritated by' as interchangeable with 'offended by'.

I am offended by sexism, racism, homophobia, and other forms of discrimination.

I am irritated by sloppy wording and people relying on superstitious platitudes rather than engaging on a human level with the people around them.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 15:32

you compared "lucky me" and "thank you". I was running the same comparison between "bless you" and "thank you"

No, you compared them.

I simply pointed out that it was a rubbish comparison because they don't mean anything like the same thing. One is an expression of gratitude, the other is a comment on how the speaker is feeling - not the same in the slightest.

Thank you is in no way comparable with bless you for the same reason - one is an expression of gratitude and the other is a wish. Again, I never compared them.

I haven't compared any phrases at all.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 08/03/2015 15:34

"Bless her heart" said about someone and "bless you" said to someone are very different expressions in the South.

mommy2ash · 08/03/2015 15:35

if you don't believe in anything then what harm can them saying bless you cause. just ignore it. its likely just an automatic thing. im irish nearly every interaction i have ends up with at least one person referencing god jesus mary or thanking god or saying bless you. its just part of the language at this stage. they probably don't even realise they are doing it.

i was at work the other day and a customer was saying how great the weather was and my automatic response is its getting warmer thank god. im not even sure what i believe it anymore so thanking god probably seems stupid but its just what you say here

SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 15:35

superstitious platitudes

And yet you are happy with wishes and good luck, both of which are superstitious platitudes with no basis in fact. Confused

It's far easier to take all these phrases in the spirit in which they are meant. Which is the only point I made.

paxtecum · 08/03/2015 15:40

Oh ok, apologies - you are irritated not offended.

Still knickers in a twist over nothing.

I get irritated by:
people dropping litter,
by plastic bottles and cans pouring out of the recycling wagon as it goes round corners too fast,
by aggresive drivers.

I can't ever imagine being irritated by anyone saying 'bless you'.