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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Bless you"

248 replies

Thistledew · 08/03/2015 12:06

I'm not talking about a response to a sneeze, but AIBU to find it patronising and irritating to my atheist ears when people decide to "bless" me for just going about my daily life.

I have a couple of Christian relatives who do this. Some recent examples when they have let the need to say "bless you" have included me serving them lunch at my house, or telling them about time I have spent with an elderly and frail relative (not a chore, I enjoy spending time with them) or talking about a health problem that I am working to overcome. It seems I can't tell them about anything that is part of my daily life without them saying "Oh Bless you"! I don't need or want any special recognition for something that is quite ordinary to me.

I think it annoys me in part because amongst non Christians "Awww, bless!" is what you might say when seeing something cute and slightly daft, and it surprises me that my Christian relatives don't seem to realise this. Also, it seems to be part of a bigger picture of them being quite condescending about their faith any my lack of it, and it feels a bit like them saying "I'm Christian and wonderful and can hand out blessings when you manage so well at daily life despite your lack of faith".

So AIBU to be irritated by this? Should I feel grateful? Or do I just need to work harder at letting it fade into white noise?

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 09/03/2015 08:46

Thistledew

Words and phrases have different connotations for different people depending on the context in which those words have been experienced.

Many people have heard the words ‘bless you’ accompanying kind behaviour and so make positive associations with the words in their mind, without perhaps even thinking of their actual meaning.

In your case, when you have heard the words being said, the behaviour accompanying the words has just been ‘off’ in some way. You have felt faux sincerity rather than genuine care. Others can take the position that your relatives are well meaning or harmless because the phrase does not have negative connotations for them. But you are the one who has experienced the situation as a whole – the gap between the words and any sense that they really know you and are concerned for you in the rest of their conduct towards you.

I hope I’m not projecting too much in saying this but I had a difficult run in with a group of Christians who treated me in a rather thoughtless and unkind way as a teenager. The experience has left me with feelings of alienation, shame and fear when I hear the word ‘Jesus’. I don’t expect most Christians or indeed non-Christians to understand this feeling because they haven’t experienced what I did. I would just like people to appreciate that we all have different experiences so the same words/phrases can evoke very different feelings in each of us.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 08:47

I send my kids to school to be taught facts - not fairy stories.

HellKitty · 09/03/2015 08:48

DM goes to church if the weathers nice or if she's wanting to find out some gossip..anyway, she'd often tell me she'd prayed for me. It makes her happy that she's looking out for me in my little heathen bubble Grin

I put it in the same camp as shop assistants thanking you and saying they'll 'see me later'. To this day I've never found a shop assistant sat on my doorstep.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 08:56

It is patroning, and typical of the arrogant religious who seem to think they have found a better way,

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 08:57

Your choice antumbra. and am sure Father Christmas has played no part in your Christmas festivities considering that you do not wish your kids to be taught fairy stories.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 09:02

Santa Claus - the old man of the forest, Cernunnos, Satan- call him what you wish playes a big part in my christmas, My children love the Santa thrill and totally understand that he is a mythical creature, much like that genocidal maniac you call god.

Sallyingforth · 09/03/2015 09:14

antumbra
Do you never sat "Oh God" when shocked or annoyed?
Most atheists that I know say it freely.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 09/03/2015 09:16

It's the lack of personalisation that I think makes it rude. If you mean "thank you" then why not say so?

But plenty of people say thank you when they don't really mean it, it is a social construct, it satisfies the other person whether you actually mean it or not. It is just something people say. Sorry is another word like that, children always get forced to say it even if they don't want to , because society expects people to say sorry before transgressions can be forgiven and forgotten. It does not always come with sincerity. I think if you get offended with 'bless you' for that reason there are many other phrases that should annoy you too.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 09:22

sally- no I never say "Oh God". Many other things though. I have no problems with others saying Oh God.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 09:43

am not sure where the thrill is for children regarding Father Christmas if they are told that he does not exist. no point mentioning him at all then. am sure at some point when they were younger, you led them to believe he did exist and he delivered their presents on xmas day and then told them when they were older that he did not exist or they just realised. otherwise a complete waste of time to include him in the celebrations.

anyway, am not going to waste time on here trying to convince you of the existence of God and Jesus. However, you sound like you are strong in your convictions that God/Jesus do not exist and that if God did exist he was an evil genocidal maniac. I do hope in either case that, because you feel so strongly, that you refrain from entering a church on any occasion and do not attend weddings, baptisms, funerals, Remembrance Day services, memorials that are held in a church or are held in the name of God / Jesus. I also hope that as you feel so strongly about it that you speak to the school to tell them to stop the bible bashing at school and if they dont, you remove your children from that school in protest.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 09:48

You are funny suggest.

Schools have a legal requirement to lead active worship unfortunately.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 09:48

I am glad that you undertstand that god is a mythical creature however.

Sallyingforth · 09/03/2015 09:54

So antumbra you have no problems with people saying "Oh God", but you dislike people saying "bless", even though most of them are just saying it to be nice and have no thought of it being religious.
Double standards much.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 09:54

I do my best antumbra! :)

possibly because we have been a traditionally Christian nation for over a 1000 years. maybe you should lobby Parliament to change this.

That's not what I said. I said I am not going to try and convince you of the existence of God.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 09:57

THankfully however we are becoming a secular nation.

If you want to worship some crazy maniac who murders babies then good luck to you.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 09/03/2015 10:00

like that genocidal maniac you call god.

I love the double standards here- how some athiests are offended, sorry irritated with people saying 'bless you' to them, but they are quite happy to describe God in that offensive way to Christians. Where is the religious tolerance in all this, or does it only work one way?

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 10:02

Yes much better

Thank you, and good luck to you too

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 10:10

am afraid it seems to just work one way Penelope. I wouldn't waste your energy on here on this one. Ive been there and just ended up with personal attacks and abuse. The "Samuel" quoters will be queueing up soon yawn

salthill · 09/03/2015 10:11

Stephen Fry's genocidal maniac speech seems to have become a much loved catch phrase amongst atheists.

Sallyingforth · 09/03/2015 10:11

Yes Penelope.
If there is one thing worse than the evangelists who knock on your door at inconvenient times, it's the militant atheists who seize any opportunity to try and offend believers.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 10:14

Stephen Fry summed things up perfectly- and it is great that there are so many of us that agree.

To worship a murderer is plain nasty.

capsium · 09/03/2015 10:20

antumbra Since you don't believe God exists, from this perspective people would be worshipping a construct. Is it not up to them how they frame their own construct?

antumbra · 09/03/2015 10:22

Of course- but there is something morally lamentable wanting to deify a mass murderer.

capsium · 09/03/2015 10:23

So I, for example, as a Christian, believe God is loving. I worship a loving God. (As an atheist you will just have to accept my 'construct', what I worship and hold on high, is loving. Since only the individual who formed a construct can define it.)

BubblesInMyBath · 09/03/2015 10:23

Of course to worship a murderer is plain nasty

But you do have to appreciate that if Christians saw it that way, they would not take offence at their God being called a genocidal maniac.

I was raised to believe God was so merciful and wonderful and we were so abhorrent that I genuinely though how wonderful he was for not smiting me... Of course till I eventually could no longer reconcile the concept of a loving God with what I was reading in the bible