"Bless you"

[Thistledew]

I'm not talking about a response to a sneeze, but AIBU to find it patronising and irritating to my atheist ears when people decide to "bless" me for just going about my daily life.

I have a couple of Christian relatives who do this. Some recent examples when they have let the need to say "bless you" have included me serving them lunch at my house, or telling them about time I have spent with an elderly and frail relative (not a chore, I enjoy spending time with them) or talking about a health problem that I am working to overcome. It seems I can't tell them about anything that is part of my daily life without them saying "Oh Bless you"! I don't need or want any special recognition for something that is quite ordinary to me.

I think it annoys me in part because amongst non Christians "Awww, bless!" is what you might say when seeing something cute and slightly daft, and it surprises me that my Christian relatives don't seem to realise this. Also, it seems to be part of a bigger picture of them being quite condescending about their faith any my lack of it, and it feels a bit like them saying "I'm Christian and wonderful and can hand out blessings when you manage so well at daily life despite your lack of faith".

So AIBU to be irritated by this? Should I feel grateful? Or do I just need to work harder at letting it fade into white noise?

I don't mind people saying it when someone sneezes, because it is perfectly reasonable to say something meaningless at that point. I just get annoyed when people use it in a meaningless way at times when some empathy and engagement would be called for.

YANBU at all!

I'm Cofussed, surely if you don't believe in the blessing then they are just meaningless words. No different from them saying thank you, or that's nice of you. My christain friend always says god bless you, she's a christain so I expect it. It doesn't bother me because I know she believes that she is blessing me or pleasing her god, so be it.

YABU

Why does blessing someone have to be religious? (These days)

Various religions "bless" not just Christians but I can't see why atheists would either refuse to bless or take offence at it in the way it's morphed to pretty much just meaning doing something nice/thinking something nice for someone?

I still might say the words "I feel so blessed to have my children" for example, and mean it - with no religious connotation to it

Just stay saying

'May the force be with you' everytime you leave or something so you both have something equally meaningless to say

I use it quite a lot at the moment, but I'm on the receiving end of an incredible amount of support and kindess. I'm not a Christian. I use it in the context of someone doing or saying something kind to me and it's meant as a recognition of that kindness, and that I wish them as much kindness, in whatever form that comes to them, as they've said or done to me. I use thank you too, bless you for me is when something needs a little more gratitude.

But I have come across people who say it in a really patronising way, and that's bloody annoying!

'fucking praise the Lord you atheist she devil'

There is a woman at my church that likes to say "bless you". What she means is "I think you're great". It is a compliment when used in a particular context and not meant to be patronising.

Aaw OP, bless you!

I am agnostic, certainly not of the opinion that I could invoke blessings from any deity on any individual, and I still use this to my atheist friends or to acquaintances of unknown religious persuasion.

I think I use it as a way of saying 'thank you, you've really gone above and beyond, I greatly appreciate it and may you encounter similar good fortune in the near future'. But 'bless you' is a bit quicker

A bit like if I say something is 'for my sins' it's a saying in a Christian frame of reference but used so much more widely.

It's the lack of personalisation that I think makes it rude. If you mean "thank you" then why not say so? Why leave a deity to say your thank you for you? If you mean "I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things improve", then say so. Don't leave the other person thinking "What did she mean? Was that pity or praise?"

Goodness me. Sometimes Mumsnet takes my breath away.

I just get annoyed when people use it in a meaningless way at times when some empathy and engagement would be called for.

It IS a form of empathy and engagement. Language has evolved so that things that once had a religious meaning have now become part of the common vernacular.

How many people say Oh My God whilst not actually meaning it in a prayer-like way? Millions. It has just become an expression.

You are massively over thinking and over analysing it and it sounds like these people are just being nice. They are not affording themselves God like status that enables them and them alone to dole out celestial blessings to reluctant atheists.

Dear me.

Actually Miss, I would place money on the fact that they do think they are directly calling on God to dispense blessings. One of these relatives would very strenuously refute that she was using any religious phrase in a trivial way.

It still doesn't mean that she is not actually taking an easy option of failing to empathise and engage.

It's patronising. It's in the same box of irritating as "feeling blessed" nonsense.

And I say this as a Catholic (not that Catholics go in for that, anyway).

I think YABU. As you don't believe then it means nothing to you but the person saying it does believe and it has meaning for them.

Would you be offended if someone writes, 'Best wishes,' or says 'Good luck,' if you don't believe that wishes can come true or in the concept of luck?

Do you ever say, 'Oh my God' or 'Oh Christ' or 'Ye gods'...?

'Thank Heaven', 'Thank God,' .....

'With all due respect,' when they certainly mean the opposite, 'In due course' when they mean 'Not unless I can help it'...

Capsicum - 'wishes' and 'luck' are concepts I'm happy with, and they can be used in a meaningful way. Saying "I wish you luck" is a positive act of hoping someone has good fortune.

I don't tend to use "God" or "Heaven", even when swearing, but as I said earlier, I have no objection to any phrases being used as conversational fluff with no particular meaning attached.

I do take issue (but am not offended) when people use what is at best an ambiguous and at worst a phrase completely devoid of meaning, when the circumstances call for a genuine expression of personal emotion. I think it is rude and lazy.

Interesting Thistle, I'm imagining a Medieval Wheel of Fortune turning as we speak.

If people actually believe in blessing it is not meaningless, to them, it is an expression meaning they hope good things befall you. Which you must agree is better than the opposite.

Personally I have to do my best not to get annoyed at the thoughtless and random cursing and forebodings of gloom people communicate (not usually done in religious sense though) - usually done under the guise of 'awareness'. Being aware of dangers is one thing, constant streaming of adverts continually reminding people of them is another - don't forget stress is another 'killer'...

What about goodbye (a shortened form of 'God be with you'). Should we move over to 'Live long and prosper'?

Capsicum - if you prepared a lovely meal for your guest, and when you served it, rather than saying "thank you", they said "lucky me, lunch is here", you would think them a bit odd and rude, would you not? Especially if you don't believe in luck and they didn't acknowledge you hard work preparing it.

That is pretty much equivalent to what lots of non-believers feel when someone says "bless you".

what is at best an ambiguous and at worst a phrase completely devoid of meaning, when the circumstances call for a genuine expression of personal emotion.

But it is an genuine expression of personal emotion. Just because you don't believe in god or blessings doesn't mean they aren't heartfelt.

"good luck" is equally meaning less if you do not believe in the concept of luck. It is, however, still heartfelt on the part of the person offering those wishes.

overthinking. 'Goodbye' is a contraction of 'god be with you'. Do you get cross at that?

primitive beliefs are embedded in our language and culture. Doesn't mean we have to follow them.