Should I be worried about my husband's friend?

[shawaddysh]

Please forgive me, I'm a complete newbie so I don't know all the right acronyms and things.

My husband has recently started a very close friendship with a female colleague. I haven't met her but they get on very well, I'm talking 'best friend status' here rather than fleeting fancy. He does not have very many friends, and it takes a long time for him to trust someone enough to become an actual friend.

I'm glad he's found a friend he trusts because he's had a few knocks.

I am very happy in myself, with our relationship, and very laid back. I have male friends myself that I am close with and have been since school. But not like this.

My husband and his friend are constantly texting, calling and don't go 2 days without seeing each other. It seems like a really nice tight friendship, one which I wish I had with my mates but even my closest friend doesn't get half the attention he gives her.

It's a new friendship, they met at work. I have not met her, and my husband does not want us to meet each other (blaming it on shyness on everyone's part). There are no huge reasons for me to be suspicious, and I agree that it's crazy to treat female friends differently to male friends (and vice versa). But I don't want to be a mug.

1. Is it weird that he does not want us to meet (I have no major social desire to meet her, other than curiosity)?

1. She comes to my house. But I haven't met her (I'm always at work/away when she comes round - by design) - should I worry?

1. Is there something going on and am I being a massive mug by being supportive of their friendship?

I don't think op is coming back

I think you may be right Ehric
I wonder why?

Yeah funny that?

She's your replacement, you just haven't got their yet

Seriously, you are being cuckolded

I do think it's very odd. I have a close MF, but he's also very close to my DH and has started going out with one of my gf's daughter who we introduced him to. I've been to her house for a couple of parties so we all get along fine.

He spends time alone with me if my husband's away on business & he's in the area, but my kids are always around and bustling in and out, so we're never actually 'alone' in reality (he's stopped coming round so much now anyway, as his gf takes priority over anyone else)! He goes out for the day with my DH quite a lot, though not so much now - again, as he has his new gf to take out (overweight DH v cute new girl - hmmm)!

My DH knows he's around as he and DH text each other far more than I do, so there's nothing to hide.

IIWY, I would insist on being there one day to meet her and just make her a cup of tea. If there's nothing to hide - it's your house and you should never be made to feel you can't come home in case she's there.

Sorry if I posted what others have already said - classic MNers mistake of thinking I was already on the last page!

I've had good male colleague friends. Generally we had a laugh at work and at works nights out. I'm still friends with quite a few male colleagues via Facebook.

But phoning them at home? No way unless it was urgent work matter.

Visiting their home? You must be joking and definitely not if they had purposely arranged for partner not to be there!

I am not a jealous person AT ALL but I would not be happy with this. It's overstepping boundaries.

I will be honest here, I very nearly had an EA with a colleague, and this is how it started. I think if I hadn't had left things would've gone further.
But, we never went to each other's homes. That's taking the Piss.

Loxley - you are right of course. I just thought it was a good idea, didn't mean to be so crass

Yes looks like OP is not going to give feed back.

There is something quite extreme about the scenario outlined here by OP - and it did have me wondering do some men seriously behave like this. It's quite hard to believe.

I wouldnt care how shy she is, he is my DH and my feelings and wants come first.

Poor op, hope all is ok.

Agree Inkanta

sounds like poor excuses on his part - if he loves and respects you and cares for you there should be no hiding her away from you and he would be happy to have you meet her - indeed, even want you to meet each other.

It's not even just a matter of having an "affair" (as serious as that would be alone if it was the case) - I quite understand partners must have their own interests and even friends, but not to want you to meet each other? Fishy fishy. That's lacking the mutual respect of a relationship.

Surely having a partner you care about and love should mean you want them involved in (even in a limited way) your social life, at least initially so you can get an idea of what it is all about before you leave them and their mates to go off to the pub and have a laugh etc.

You don't have to become best friends with her but to meet her is a prerequisite for an open, honest, trusting relationship - don't fall for his excuses as they are undermining your trust in him, and if he loves you he should be aware of (and raising to you) how his behaviour is potentially making you feel uncomfortable, and he should want to quell any suspicion on your behalf, by letting you meet each other, as well as involve you in his social life to a certain extent, and provide convincing reassurance otherwise - not shut you out - you are meant to be the love of his life after all!. The fact that he has not raised it and has fobbed you off will only add to your suspicion - that fact in itself is suspicious...

Find out sooner, rather than later, the truth, for better or worse...

Hugs. XX

I am new on here so i don't know any terminology.

Basically I have major suspicions that my fiancé is cheating. I have a number that he calls and texts constantly but no name.
Does anyone have any advice on how I might get a name ?

I can't access his phone it's with him constantly + I don't know the passcode.

I suggest you start your own thread in relationships, otherwise things will get confused between the original posts on this one, and yours.