Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

560 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:30

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 08/03/2015 20:42

No, the OP's DH can't cut back on his son to support her twins.

RTFF. OP is supporting her twins.

Jessica147 · 08/03/2015 20:42

tutt, so what if, like in this case, the holiday was somewhere really expensive, paid for by someone else and you didn't have the money to make up such an expensive treat to your other children?

I don't think I'm being childish, I think I'm trying to point out the logical inconsistency. If dss had been taken on holiday by anyone other than his own DM, I doubt very much the advice would be "well leave him behind on your next family holiday to make sure it's fair on the other kids".

Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 20:43

So Mythical and Tutt would you cut down on your own children to support your step children?

I am not an ex wife btw

fedupbutfine · 08/03/2015 20:43

So if your family isn't split you take 1 child on 2 holidays and the others on 1

But the family is split. The child is now part of two families. He should be included in the activities of both families.

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 20:44

I'm not talking about cm payments it's the extras

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 08/03/2015 20:44

Very unfair for the other children to not get a holiday at all because DSS's mother gets over the odds in maintenance.

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 20:44

My dad took my brothers on holiday and left me. One brother was bio his and the wasn't like me. I went another time without brothers

Sometimes whole families don't go on holiday.

My sons dad took time off to go on holiday with his girlfriend and her daughter (not his) and didn't even invite his own son. He paid for the holiday but doesn't pay CSA

Sometimes shit just happens and you have to just deal with it.

Dss had a holiday. The other 4 didn't. I don't see anything wrong with just taking the 4 and leaving dss behind.

Step parenting threads don't go well here though.

My mum and stepdad took their kids together and my 2 siblings abroad and left 2 of us behind. No biggie

Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 20:46

Mythical no she is out of job, and feels he shouldn't be paying for his son because it inconveniences her(including her twins).

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 08/03/2015 20:47

Tutt, so by your logic the DSS should be excluded from a holiday with his DF and siblings because he has already had one with his mother? So should be excluded from the activities of one family unit because of the other? Utter madness!

MythicalKings · 08/03/2015 20:47

She's using her savings.

Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 20:48

I'm not talking about cm payments it's the extras

Don't worry about his son's extra if you aren't willing to fight for your twins maintenance

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 20:49

But they did get a holiday Mythical.

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 20:49

Like I sAid the cm payments are fine it's the additionals. The ex expects dss to have his own room in our house and caused a fuss last week about dss not being able to store his stuff in our house due to a shared bedroom (we have 4 bedrooms dtd has one room dts has one and younger dc share) she wants dss to have his own room expecting mine to share which I think is unacceptable demands.

OP posts:
CantBeBotheredThinking · 08/03/2015 20:49

Likemotherlikefather the op has stated she pays everything for her twins from her savings

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 20:50

Dss shares with dts

OP posts:
icedgem30 · 08/03/2015 20:51

Likemother the Op has never once said her DH shouldn't pay for his son. She has repeatedly said she feels the 1500pcm are fair, but that the extras are not, things like a winter coat etc that should be out of the CM and the big gifts that are demanded monthly.

The Op was working and supporting til her injury.

It's not just her twins in the house, they also have two children together who will have less spent on them as dss. None of this is dss fault though.

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 20:51

Likemother; no she said they couldn't afford it so asked a loan from DSS mum to help pay for it. DSS mum said no. The OP thinks maybe the extras that DH pays are causing money to be tight for the other kids. Fair enough really.

Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 20:51

If she had her savings plus cm for her twins, she wouldn't be on here

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 20:52

I don't think the OP's holiday was to Barbasis was it, OP?

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 20:53

Her kids dad is an addict with MH issues. She's explained that is why it would be hard to get CM out of him.

Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 20:53

If the extras aren't fair, is it fair that he contributes to her dc when their father doesn't?

The OP's problem is her ex

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 20:53

No South of France until we had to change to something cheaper

OP posts:
Jessica147 · 08/03/2015 20:53

Op, they are unreasonable demands. It's not up to her how you organise sleeping arrangements in your house.

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 20:54

I think the people saying it's no big deal to exclude a child are trying to justify selfish choices.

I can see that there could easily be circumstances where it can't be helped that one child doesn't go on a holiday that the others are going on, but there have to be valid reasons.

One child getting a holiday with one parent doesn't justify the other parent leaving them behind on their family holiday with the siblings. That's not a valid reason at all.

Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 20:55

they also have two children together who will have less spent on them as dss. None of this is dss fault though

If he was only looking after his own children then thee would be more for his other 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread