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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a 'gay gene' is not responsible for this?!

135 replies

LeslieKnopeForPresident · 04/03/2015 20:42

I've namechanged as this might out me (no pun intended...)

To put this bluntly, I come from a very gay family. My grandparents have 3 lots of grandchildren - me and my siblings (3 of us), and 6 cousins between two of my aunties. So 9 of us together.

Out of 9 of us - 7 are gay. And I include myself in one of the two 'straight' ones, despite actually having had a (secret - my family dont know) relationship with a female when I was early 20s. I'm now late 20s and married to a man.

My gran insists that there must be a 'gay gene' Confused AIBU to think that this is absolute nonsense? AIBU to think that the most logical explanation - should one even be needed - is that none of us have grown up around healthy functional marriages or relationships? AIBU to think that the fact that we have all witnessed many family breakdowns and there are 2 absent fathers, is most likely the reason if there is one at all?!

I'm obviously not going to say that to my old gran, but goodness me - do 'gay genes' exist?!

OP posts:
FlipFlippingFlippers · 04/03/2015 20:45

Dysfunctional relationships cause people to catch the gay Hmm Yabu.

Coldilox · 04/03/2015 20:45

You think absent fathers and dysfunctional parental marriages cause gayness?

YABU

GenerationX2 · 04/03/2015 20:46

just to be clear you think they 'became' gay due to environmental reasons?

scarletforya · 04/03/2015 20:46

I don't know about a gay gene. But people are born gay, they don't become gay because they saw family breakdowns etc. Its nature, not nurture. It's not environmental, It's inherent.

flora717 · 04/03/2015 20:46

Errrr. Biscuit you might not have had a healthy, functional, family. But I think you're barking up the wrong bit of your family as that being an explanation.
There are gay people not from dysfunctional families. Hmm

Original poster
LeslieKnopeForPresident · 04/03/2015 20:48

Erm, yeah - obviously that's what I meant Hmm

I'm talking from personal experience in that due to my childhood, I was initially very nervous of men and didn't feel safe around them. I mean perhaps its that 'traditional' relationships don't necessarily appeal!?

OP posts:
FuckItBucket · 04/03/2015 20:48

Dysfunctional family equals gay?

More likely a gay gene than that tbh. If so all my family would be gay.

Oh dads gone, best be gay

GokTwo · 04/03/2015 20:48

I don't know really op. I'm gay and couldn't have a more stable, fantastic family. I have a gay second cousin. Who knows?!

Tiptoeshoes · 04/03/2015 20:48

Yabu

There's no such thing as a gay gene. And dysfunctional relationships causing homosexuality- no this is wrong.

Maybe a culture in your family of openness and not staying in an unhappy relationship has meant that people feel comfortable to be themselves and be happy.

Or it's just a coincidence.

FarelyKnuts · 04/03/2015 20:49

So how exactly would you account for all the gay people raised by functional families?

Original poster
LeslieKnopeForPresident · 04/03/2015 20:49

I know that there are gay people not from dysfunctional families, thanks!

But what I am suggesting - with no malice at all, these are my loved ones - is no more ridiculous than the idea of a 'gay gene'.

OP posts:
Methe · 04/03/2015 20:50

Well if 7 out of 9 of any family were gay it's does pose the question as to why, doesn't it?

Wondering why a person is the way they are doesn't mean you think how they are is a bad thing? Maybe there is a gay gene, who knows.

It's just interesting isn't it.

QuietNinjaTardis · 04/03/2015 20:51

As my mum said to me once. Her gp asked if the fact she was sexually abused as a child turned her gay. She said it might have turned her off men but it didn't turn her on to women. She was born that way. So there you go straight from the lesbians horses mouth.

Original poster
LeslieKnopeForPresident · 04/03/2015 20:51

I'm not saying being gay is a bad thing - please note where I say that I myself had a relationship with another woman! I'm responding to my gran trying to 'reason' it.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 04/03/2015 20:51

yabu - there is not likely to be a "gay gene" and that in itself is offensive as it implies a defect in some way however i do believe that our sexuality is determined in part by our genetic make up. just like many other facets of our selves. Ican imagine that both nature and nurture plays a role in sexuality but i find your op offensive and think its probably just as well you namechanged!

FarelyKnuts · 04/03/2015 20:51

Well as the prevailing belief is that people are born gay then is the idea of a genetic influence really so ridiculous?

HiawathaDidntBotherTooMuch · 04/03/2015 20:52

I don't know enough about science to explain it, but I think being gay is a matter of biology. People are born gay. They don't choose it, IMO. They may choose to repress it, but you're either gay or straight or bi or whatever because thanks the way you are. I don't think dysfunctional families have anything to do with it personally.

Catzeyess · 04/03/2015 20:52

The idea that 'one gene' causes people to be gay is ludicrous - it takes more than one gene to code for something much simpler like eye colour.

People are more complicated than that - plus I'm sure there examples of identical twins where one is gay and the other isn't despite having identical genes.

It's prob a mixture of nature and nuture (like with most things!) There may be a genetic component but it highly unlikely to be just genetic imho.

YouBetterWerk · 04/03/2015 20:52

'Due to my childhood, I was initially very nervous of men'
And yet you are straight.
Have my first ever Biscuit

Original poster
LeslieKnopeForPresident · 04/03/2015 20:53

How on earth is it offensive? Confused And who is it offensive to, exactly? Genuinely very sorry if I have offended anybody, but the nature VS nurture argument is something that keeps coming up in my family!

OP posts:
QuietNinjaTardis · 04/03/2015 20:54

Is there a straight gene? What makes us fancy someone of the opposite sex? Whatever that is then must be the same for gay people too. There are genes for everything, surely there must be a gay and straight gene?

NomNomDePlum · 04/03/2015 20:54

well, i had a very present father and i'm as queer as christmas, so i don't think there's a straightforward correlation there... tbh, i think sexual preference is far too complex to ascribe it straightforwardly to either nature or nurture; research does strongly suggest that it has biological components (not simply genetic components, there are theories about pre-natal exposure to hormones, related to birth order), but probably not in a definitive sense.

i think it's a spectrum, and your lot, for whatever reason, are firmly at one end. it wouldn't be commented on if you were mostly straight, though.

QuietNinjaTardis · 04/03/2015 20:55

Or genes, or DNA code or something? It's an inherent part of us isn't it? Our sexuality?

FarelyKnuts · 04/03/2015 20:55

And just to clarify, it's not you being curious about how the statistically high amount of gay family members. It's that you go on to active this to dysfunctional family dynamics that makes it insulting

FarelyKnuts · 04/03/2015 20:55

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