to think that a 'gay gene' is not responsible for this?!

[LeslieKnopeForPresident]

I've namechanged as this might out me (no pun intended...)

To put this bluntly, I come from a very gay family. My grandparents have 3 lots of grandchildren - me and my siblings (3 of us), and 6 cousins between two of my aunties. So 9 of us together.

Out of 9 of us - 7 are gay. And I include myself in one of the two 'straight' ones, despite actually having had a (secret - my family dont know) relationship with a female when I was early 20s. I'm now late 20s and married to a man.

My gran insists that there must be a 'gay gene' AIBU to think that this is absolute nonsense? AIBU to think that the most logical explanation - should one even be needed - is that none of us have grown up around healthy functional marriages or relationships? AIBU to think that the fact that we have all witnessed many family breakdowns and there are 2 absent fathers, is most likely the reason if there is one at all?!

I'm obviously not going to say that to my old gran, but goodness me - do 'gay genes' exist?!

If "innate sexuality" is a spectrum, then people with the same "innate" levels of attraction to each sex could make different choices or have different experiences of their feelings based on their environment.

e.g. a woman who is predisposed to be equally attracted to both men and women

If she grows up in a place where the very idea of a woman being attracted to another woman is never spoken of, or considered disgusting, she may never admit to herself that she finds women attractive.

If she grows up in an environment where men are absent and/or terrifying, she may only feel safe around other women and all of her attention may be focused on women.

If she were 90% attracted to women or 90% attracted to men then the environment would have less ability to influence how she defined her sexuality.

im not sure I believe ppl are born gay, I know genes & dna are important to what makes up a person but I think all the interactions they have throughout their lives has more of an effect.

I dont think it can really be tested because you cant take either element away to see if someone is still gay without either nature or nurture.

I dont see why people have to 100% convinced and militant that people are born gay, its a not a bad thing to be gay so I dont feel the need to take the choice of being gay away from people cos its a perfectly good choice. saying that nobody chooses to be gay and it just happens to them is patronising.

I think people should be gay on some kind of rota system like jury service or the old fashioned nation service. Share it out fairly.

I'm another rampant queer from a very conventional family set-up. I was not short of successful opposite-sex relationship models and still caught the gay.

I have no idea if it's nature, nurture, or some of both but I'm pretty sure it's not dysfunctional families.

Hmmmm maybe it's a gene!

I know a husband and wife who had three sons all of which are gay, one of these sons is a good friend of mine!

The husband went on and remarried and had a daughter who is also gay.

So they all joke that the dad carries the gay gene

THERE IS A GENE!!!!

There is a gene. It can be pointed at, identified, its actions quantified.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FAMILIES BEING DISFUNCTIONAL

A genetic predisposition can be triggered by a wide range of social interactions/factors.

YOU ARE NOT BORN GAY

But could be born with a predisposition to be gay, should the right situational factors be present in your life.

I would apologise for the shouting but I cannot understand why the information given upthread isn't understood. Links, explanations etc. The science is growing....

I'm basically with you on this, Nomama. But don't you think the gene(s) involved could, within our heterosexually-oriented society, itself (themselves) be associated with families "being dysfunctional"?

i.e., NOT "family is dysfunctional so people become gay" but "have 'gay genes' and this makes it more likely that a family 'becomes dysfunctional'"?

Why do people think that gay= dysfunctional?

Why is being gay a bad thing. Homosexuality is a difference rather than a disablity or a crime.

I believe that a homosexual person who has had loving parents may feel more confident to come out. They know that their hetrosexual parents will love them unconditionally and accept them for who they are.

Is someone really going to admit homosexual feelings in a society that throws gays off tall buildings? Maybe there are lots of unhappy homosexual people trapped in miserable marriages where their spouse does not understand what he/ she has done wrong. It must be horrible to be in a marriage where your partner does not fancy you.

There are gay people who say they had no choice about being gay, and gay people who say they chose to be gay. Maybe they are both right?

YABU.

I think your GM may be onto something.

We have a genetic predisposition in our family. Large family with my generation running above 40% openly and happily gay. And at least three generations of unhappily living a hidden life - again above the national average.

I'm happy my children live in a more accepting society and our family is overall happy.

And a big bollocks at the dysfunctional point made in the earlier posts.

Or maybe it doesn't matter. Think how long some people had to fight to be accepted simply for being left-handed. Gosh we are primitive tribal creatures sometimes.

caryam - absolutely! Those who choose have different social factors in effect than those who said they had no choice. Same gene, different situations.

NOT "family is dysfunctional so people become gay" but "have 'gay genes' and this makes it more likely that a family 'becomes dysfunctional'"?
Mmmm! Don't want to answer that too quickly. But that would translate to "having a family member who is gay screws everyone up", it assumes a belief that being gay is in itself wrong, an illness, harmful, etc.

So, no. Where there is a belief that being gay is wrong or an illness then dysfunction already exists!

Super serious post

There's a theory that sexuality may be correlated to prenatal exposure to androgens, as measured in the ratio of the lengths of index and ring fingers. That's another thing that is set at birth, but is not genetic. I haven't seen any research into what (other than the sex of the fetus) causes differences in androgen levels in utero. Google "digit ratio" if you are interested in this.

It's possible that if you are gay but pressured into marrying a member of the opposite sex, that marriage is less likely to be happy than a marriage of two straight people. An unhappy marriage between the parents can definitely contribute to a family being dysfunctional.

Makes sense, Breaking.

Both DH and I have a gay brother each. They were both born gay - it wasn't some sort of lifestyle choice they picked. I tell my kids people are born gay, it's just the way some folks are. You can take that as a gay gene or not - with my own dcs, having 2 gay uncles, 1 from each side of the family, I'd be amazed if none of them are gay. Wouldn't bother me a lot either. Why would it?

*wouldnt bother me a jot - not lot.

I have a gay parent and a gay child. And many gay friends. All of whom say that they knew from a very young age that they were gay. I don't think it's genetic, but I do think it has something to do with biology and probably related to Androgens.

What I find really, really interesting is how many of the gay people I know are one of twins. Like, literally loads. Explain that...

Is the question here , are you born gay?

Twins one gay one not gay supports the theory that the gene is not a deciding factor but that social factors have more 'strength' in our decision making!

It also shows that twins may be physiologically identical but are still individual people - not the same person in 2 bodies!

My mum's best friend is gay and so is his sister (her identical twin is straight), and I know two sisters who are both gay. It happens.

they knew from a very young age that they were gay

This is one of life's puzzles to me. I didn't know from a very young age that I was straight. I do realise you're more likely to identify characteristics in yourself that seem different from the (statistical) norm. But have no clue what 'knowing' you're gay might feel like. I mean, I can't be expected to know exactly how it feels, but has anyone described it clearly?

Being gay is unlikely to be genetic because gay men these days atleast struggle to have biological partners if they have never been with a women. Gayness would be decreasing rather than increasing.
I think Freud was right that sexuality is decided in early child hood. What exactly triggers sexual orientation who knows but anecdotally the gay men I know have funny relationships with their fathers.

biological children

I know of two sisters, one with 3 daughters the other with one son. One of the 3 girls is gay, the one boy is too. From two sisters 50% of their children are gay. There is no history of abuse or dysfunction. I firmly believe that some people and animals are born gay.