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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who talk slowly

105 replies

TiredButFine · 04/03/2015 19:31

I think IABU probably so please don't flame me...just after some opinions.
I'm very chatty, I'm busy at work and can talk at a million miles an hour.
I'm finding it hard with a new person at work who talks really slowly. I know that interrupting is the wrong thing to do, will throw them off their train of thought etc but honestly they really take ages to get to their point. And quite often near the point their talking just sort of peters out to a kind of mutter/laugh/shrug.
What's the best thing to do? Are you a slow and steady talker with any tips?
I do end up cutting in or someone interrupts us and then it's back to the beginning of the conversation....it's so painfully slow!
Also, there are no disabilities/learning difficulties etc before anyone suggests it

OP posts:
TheMoa · 04/03/2015 19:36

Perhaps they are hoping to inspire you to talk a little less?

BigEyedOwl · 04/03/2015 19:40

I'm with you op. There is a woman at work who talks dead slow and then tails off into a whisper/mutter. It's so incredibly frustrating. I stand put up with her to be honest so I tend to just say "ok, anyway ... " to cut her off when she's taking too long. I'm hoping it teaches her to get her point out quicker. If I'm particularly in a rush I'll just say "stop" and put my hand up to signify that her time is up.

FenellaFellorick · 04/03/2015 19:44

Do you mean slowly speaking the words or waffling on for ages at a normal speed?

I have a habit of talking really fast, particularly when nervous. When I realise I am doing it, I take a few deep breaths and take control of my speed. I slow down and lower my voice a bit. Talking really fast is quite irritating to others and difficult to follow. So I try to stop myself and the result is quite slow speaking. Is that what they are doing? If so, try to bear with them if it's nerves. It might be about controlling their speech so they aren't talking like chipmunks on speed Grin

My husband, otoh (and particularity after a few) can take a fortnight to tell you what he's had for dinner. If this is what you are talking about, strangle them with the phone cord.

TimeToGetUp · 04/03/2015 19:46

It's probably to do with insecurity and shy-ness.

ChipDip · 04/03/2015 19:47

I worked with someone like this. Took ages to get to the point of anything. I just tried to have as less as possible to speak to this person about as it irritated me too much.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 04/03/2015 19:49

She is probably nervous or shy. Please try to be patient and perhaps help to build her self-confidence a little. Interrupting her and cutting in is not the way to do it. Be patient. It can be frustrating, my sister and Father-in-law do it to. You just have to bite your tongue.

I find people who talk 19 to the dozen equally annoying, thb.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 04/03/2015 19:51

Well I do have to ask them questions and wait for them to respond....in order to do my work. We don't chit chat. I wait befire responding.
I'm not actually talking to them all the time, I will have two or three people speaking to me or the phone ringing so I'm not boring them with tales of my journey to work etc.
If I ask "shall we meet at ten, I have to go and do this just now" (puts coat on and goes to exit door) I don't get yes/no/ok, I get, ah...at ten...have a meeting...so I don't really...well I could do....so ten then?...and you're doing something now are you...well ten is ok....you're going now...well I'm not doing anything today really...soooo

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 04/03/2015 19:51

I tend to just say "ok, anyway ... " to cut her off when she's taking too long. I'm hoping it teaches her to get her point out quicker. If I'm particularly in a rush I'll just say "stop" and put my hand up to signify that her time is up

Wow, you didn't graduate from Charm School did you Shock

Mrsstarlord · 04/03/2015 19:54

BigEyedOwl - do you really do that to people? Shock

I once had someone start work with me who talked fast and a lot. Couldn't work out why i was going home with a sore throat but it was because I was trying to make myself heard by her. Her social skills were terrible but she was lovely. I quickly learned to stay quiet till she had finished talking and then say what I wanted to say.

Give the poor woman a break and perhaps you could learn to slow down a bit, be patient and listen.

Salmotrutta · 04/03/2015 19:55

That sounds very rudeBigEyedOwl!

Hmm
CrohnicallyInflexible · 04/03/2015 19:55

I know a lady who speaks really slowly (says the word slow then leaves gaps in between). Plus she won't use one word when 10 will do.

Drives me nuts. but I also know she has epilepsy, and is on some pretty strong meds for it. I'm pretty sure it's a side effect from the medication, so I do try to bear that in mind.

Sunshine200 · 04/03/2015 19:58

When you talk to them you could start something like "I have to see x in 5 minutes but could you just briefly tell me..." or "could you quickly explain..". It may shorten the way they tell you!

This really frustrates me as well but I don't think you can change him, you just have to change the way you deal with it. Try to allocate a decent amount of time when you go to speak with him, and really focus on what he is saying, not what you want to say in response.

cosytoaster · 04/03/2015 20:02

I worked with someone like that - definitely not shy/nervous just the way he was. He was also slower on the uptake, perfectly intelligent, but needed to go over things slowly, thoroughly and more than once. Very, very, very irritating - so YANBU

hopelesslydevotedtoGu · 04/03/2015 20:05

I felt irritated just reading your conversation OP?

Have you thought about holding up one hand and saying 'STOP'? I hear it is very effective.

MrsMook · 04/03/2015 20:11

I've had a colleague like that. He'd just totally wound down for retirement. It was really frustrating trying to get most efficient use of my time when he took 5 minutes to... say... a... sen...tence.

The80sweregreat · 04/03/2015 20:15

I talk too fast, had to explain something to the grumpy dental receptionist on the phone, i could hear her frustration at the speed i talk.. I do dislike slow talkers though or people who use 10 words when one will do! Or tell you the story from day one through to present day in great detail!

Original poster
TiredButFine · 04/03/2015 20:15

I hve not said stop, effective as it may be, or not, I acutually need a response when I ask the question otherwise I might not bother asking
It my be a confidence thing - it's a new person, but saying that as they are new they don't actually have any real deadlines/meetings/phonecalls just yet, just some basic paperwork and some reaserch tasks.
Intelligent person, good written work, decent cv all that.

OP posts:
cinders456 · 04/03/2015 20:20

Do you mean to sound so rude and intolerant??Hmm

There are all kinds of reasons why people struggle with speech and language. Autistic Spectrum Condition, Language Processing Difficulties, Anxiety, Dyslexia.. and the list goes on... and on. Op, show her some tolerance and kindness.

Ignorance, in your case, is obviously blissConfused

Fiddlerontheroof · 04/03/2015 20:21

My daughter has unseen epilepsy and Cerebral Palsy, she talks slowly, and her speech is sometimes slurred. She doesn't have a learning difficulty, and is in top sets for every subject in school, though she needs a scribe.

People who don't allow her time to get out what she is trying to say, cut her off, and assume she's stupid fuck her off intently, and as her mum, it wrecks her self esteem.

Disability or not, if that is someone's style of talking, you kind of just have to get on with it. Have some bloody patience and accept we are all different.

And Big Eyed Owl...you need to have a word with yourself, could you be any more demeaning?

I'm off now, as this has made me rather stroppy...

Mrsstarlord · 04/03/2015 20:21

I'd find it interesting to know where in the country people are from because in my experience it has a big influence. Where I live now people pride themselves in being straight to the point and not talking 'from the thread to the needle' and doing that is considered to be terrible.

People who aren't from round here often consider the way people talk to be aggressive and too direct. As I have moved round the country I have found that it is different wherever you go. Just pondering ....

cinders456 · 04/03/2015 20:25

Oh, and OP, you might want to put a sock in it Biscuit

Original poster
TiredButFine · 04/03/2015 20:32

Actually I manage the occ health reports and reasonable adjustments, non were requested nor recommended which is why I ruled that out.
I do talk fast however I do have a disability myself which causes slurred speech from time to time.
I do find it frustrating dealing with someone so different in style to me, hence why I posted. I guess I could have not canvessed for a range of opinions and decided not to explore the subject, is that the kind of sock I should have put in it Cinders- not bothering at all?

OP posts:
BigEyedOwl · 04/03/2015 20:55

I don't do that everything, just if time is short.

If they do that 'fade off into a mutter' thing just shout "what?" And it tends to shock them into getting back on track.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 04/03/2015 20:57

Mrsstarlord I'm from Liverpool, so I know that I speak really fast compared with a lot of other prople. I definately have a "work" accent which is slower and more generic than how I speak In my personal life, although I roll out a bit of rapid fire scouse sometimes to amuse people!
I work in a big city so very multicultural, quite used to checking my language and using differnt speeds, words etc to comunicate with different people who have English as additional language,

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 04/03/2015 21:01

BigEyedOwl - you sound terrifying!

I have an image of people all around you shaking like leaves while you shout at them and gesture wildly in their faces if they don't talk in a way you like.